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AIBU?

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Original poster

To pick my Daughter up early and be really angry with her?

229 replies

Canshopwillshop · 08/08/2018 14:23

My DD is 13 and has started going out and about in our local market town to meet a group of friends. I am ok with this generally as long as I know roughly where she is and can contact her if needed. However today I texted her at 1pm to ask her something and got no reply. Another txt 10 mins later - no reply. I then tried to phone her and she didn’t pick up - tried for about half an hour to make contact, all the time getting more and more worried. In the end I drove to where I thought she’d be and found her with her friends. I made her come home with me (half an hour earlier than we’d agreed) and I have had a real go at her about worrying me unnecessarily and keeping in touch etc.

The thing is she is normally glued to her bloody phone and uses it to tell me what time she needs picking up, asks for extra time etc etc but when I need to get hold of her she doesn’t pick up Angry. She said she’d put her phone in her friend’s bag and didn’t hear it ringing. She’s now sulking in her room. Did I over-react?

OP posts:
Bouledeneige · 09/08/2018 22:06

Well done for accepting the verdict OP - you were being unreasonable.

We all moan about them being on their phones all the time and then when they don't respond when we click our fingers they get a load of trouble.

I'm not contactable all the time within 10 minutes - why should my DC be?

Let them live and breathe and not be constantly at your beck and call.

PaulRuddislush · 09/08/2018 22:16

Sorry people aren't rtft op, you sound like a lovely person who has a decent relationship with your dd.

Original poster
Canshopwillshop · 09/08/2018 22:35

Ah thanks Paul. It’s been a rough ride on here but I’ve appreciated a lot of the feedback and advice.

OP posts:
genius1308 · 09/08/2018 22:35

Put Life 360 on both of your phones, then you'll always know where she is 😉

Honestlyofficer · 09/08/2018 22:50

For what it's worth, I don't think you overreacted. She is just starting to get the taste for real independence and laying the ground rules now is vital. My son got angry at me when he was the same age and asked why I always had to know where he was and who he was with. I calmly told him "so I have something to tell the police when you go missing". He never complained again.

Sharona1979 · 09/08/2018 23:01

I done the same when my son was around that age, you did overreact a bit but it’s a scary world, try to explain to her why you did it and that you where sacred sometimes if you tell them your feelings it helps, don’t beat yourself up about it kids are hard and they don’t come with a manual lol x

Jellyrunner · 09/08/2018 23:09

And the issue with her being embarrassed is?

BertrandRussell · 10/08/2018 00:26

“And the issue with her being embarrassed is?”

Well, we surely don’t want to embarrass the people we love?

And we teach our children by modeling the behaviour ee

Ineke · 10/08/2018 01:54

Have to let go a little I think, it it may be difficult sometimes to contact them, but if they need you they will let you know! Such as 2 am wanting a lift home as they have changed their minds about staying over somewhere.

madeyemoodysmum · 10/08/2018 06:44

Life 360 is good. We have that so I know she's arrived at school safe.

It works both ways as she has rung me when she seen I'm in town and wants something from new look. Lol.

mirrim · 10/08/2018 07:36

Haven’t read all replies but I know this will be me in a few years, the horrors of the world are never so apparent and frightening as when you’re little heart is wandering around without you. Go easy on yourself. Get or adapt her clothes so the phone is always on her is my advice. Apologise and explain, you will hopefully get an apology back if she’s understanding 😊

tee99 · 10/08/2018 09:03

Definitely get life 360 downloaded, I have it for my 13 year old son. We can both see where each other is, you can also see how much battery power they have left in their phone. Also you can ask them to check in, has stopped lots of heated debates with my son! And built trust instead. Teenagers! 😂

Original poster
Canshopwillshop · 10/08/2018 09:15

Off to download life 360 - thanks folks

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/08/2018 09:25

When I'm feeling anxious about my teens I try to remember that the vast vast majority of people in the world are lovely .... only a tiny percent are shits, and they'd have to be very unlucky to come across the real shits.

IfNotNowThenWhen1 · 10/08/2018 10:37

a lot of mums would have been told to fuck off if their Mum pulled up
Really?? Where do you live that that would be normal? !
I think it's really clear that you don't check on her every five minutes OP and getting used to their independence is tricky.
Bertrand my son is embarrassed by me speaking to him in a public place so I have given up worrying if I embarrass him (cos whatever I do does!)

Original poster
Canshopwillshop · 10/08/2018 10:55

I thought that too Ifnotnow - if my DD had told me to fuck off she’d be grounded for a week so I wouldn’t need to worry about her answering her phone 😅

OP posts:
JuJu2017 · 10/08/2018 10:55

You didn’t overreact at all; how else would you have been able to enforce the rule that keeping in touch is important if you had just let her get away with it? She’ll learn for next time.

Turquoise123 · 10/08/2018 11:22

TBH when I read your post I had to read it a couple of times to work out what the problem was.

She is a teenager - totally normal behaviour .

When I was 13 no one ever contacted their parents - we were all out all day.....

Justmeandmydawg · 10/08/2018 12:14

I’m just wondering if you’re peri menopausal perhaps. It can make you act unreasonably. Also whoever thinks you were lucky not to be told to ‘eff off’, knows some horrible teens. My two would never be so disrespectful.
Seriously consider your hormones OP.

runningkeenster · 10/08/2018 12:21

I don't think the OP overreacted. Why is it that some people refuse to do simple things so that their family don't worry?

I am obviously far older than the mobile phone age but I have always made sure that I eg called my mum to say that I was safely back after visiting her and still do!

Yet years ago I had a boyfriend who refused to do that even though he knew his mother was anxious - I thought he was really selfish.

If I text my son to check that he's ok I expect a reply. He knows that and he's very good at replying most of the time - sometimes I might have to text twice. I don't text very often but if I didn't hear for half an hour or so I would text again.

We had another thread on here about people using mobiles and there being an expectation that you're always available. I don't actually agree with that and prefer a landline, but with close family, I kind of would expect them to reply to me even if it's just "fine" which is often what I get! Obviously if I know they're in a car or train I wouldn't expect an instant reply because they might lose signal or be driving, but if you're just wandering around town, you should hear/feel a phone in your pocket.

Ethsmum · 10/08/2018 13:19

It’s a terrible feeling when your child first starts to venture out into the world independently. What with all the awfull things you hear today.
I am totally on your side and know exactly how you felt.
One day this could be your daughter doing the same to her child 😂
You

MsBagelLady · 10/08/2018 15:04

I have an idea
When we buy our DCs communication devices, we demand to be responded to via the device because we are only going to be contacting you if it matters, ok! If you choose to not respond, then face the consequences, no phone, no lifts, no pocket money, which equates with no life so do as you're bloody told, ok kids!

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 10/08/2018 16:03

@MsBagelLady I hope that's reviewed for genuine reasons such as lost phone, genuinely hasn't heard it or loss of signal.

parentin · 10/08/2018 16:33

I would have hated my mother to call me every time I left the house, especially for something that can wait until I'm home. My phone often ends up at the bottom of my bag, sometimes I just ignore it. However you knew where she was, had a pre arrangement for pick up. So why did you feel the need to text and call repeatedly? It was half an hour. If you do not chill out you'll end up with constant high blood pressure. -something your parents never had!

Original poster
Canshopwillshop · 10/08/2018 16:46

@parentin - yes, my DD would hate it if I called her every time she left the house too. Good job I don’t that isn’t it? If you had RTFT you would know that!

OP posts: