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AIBU?

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Original poster

To pick my Daughter up early and be really angry with her?

229 replies

Canshopwillshop · 08/08/2018 14:23

My DD is 13 and has started going out and about in our local market town to meet a group of friends. I am ok with this generally as long as I know roughly where she is and can contact her if needed. However today I texted her at 1pm to ask her something and got no reply. Another txt 10 mins later - no reply. I then tried to phone her and she didn’t pick up - tried for about half an hour to make contact, all the time getting more and more worried. In the end I drove to where I thought she’d be and found her with her friends. I made her come home with me (half an hour earlier than we’d agreed) and I have had a real go at her about worrying me unnecessarily and keeping in touch etc.

The thing is she is normally glued to her bloody phone and uses it to tell me what time she needs picking up, asks for extra time etc etc but when I need to get hold of her she doesn’t pick up Angry. She said she’d put her phone in her friend’s bag and didn’t hear it ringing. She’s now sulking in her room. Did I over-react?

OP posts:
SaintJimmy · 09/08/2018 17:57

I would have reacted the same OP, although my daughter does have a medical condition so I do tend to worry if I cannot contact her when she is out with friends

Oratory1 · 09/08/2018 18:03

The can't win. We moan when they are constantly on their phone so surely we should be glad when they are having fun and put it down for half an hour, not moan even more !! To be fair though I have done the same myself.

FaveNumberIs2 · 09/08/2018 18:33

Op, I’m with you. They expect you to be at the end of the phone 24/7 to answer calls for food money and lifts yet they see fit to ignore your calls knowing that you will go into worry overdrive. I know we shouldn’t worry but it’s in our nature to do so and getting out of the habit is hard.

I’m only just getting out of the habit since my son turned 16!

Don’t be too hard on yourself, it’s normal to worry, just don’t take it out on her too much, just let her know that you worry.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 09/08/2018 18:47

I think your lack of consistency is U.
I thought you were going to say she was out at night.
Premobile phones (80s) it was normal to be uncontactable for the whole day. You just came back for food!

Tinkobell · 09/08/2018 18:49

Nope you didn't overreact OP. You're a good mum. I've a 17 and 15 YO.....had many scenarios happen like the one you've outlined and no regrets. If they don't repeatedly pick up the phone, how are you to know they've not been bundled off into a van by some nutter. 13 is very young fgs!

Suebreo · 09/08/2018 18:50

I don’t think u overreacted, she will learn that if she doesn’t answer when u ring to check, then her time with friends will end sooner than expected. She is thirteen letting go is a slow process by both parties, I was the same with my 3 daughters u need to be sure they are making the righ choices. Girls are all in their thirties now, we are all great friends and they have never said I overreacted or was over protective.
Once you are sure she is responsible and u can trust her to make the right choices then you will let go a bit, best be safe than sorry.

Pollygetthevodkaout · 09/08/2018 18:53

I agree with you op. This statistic shows the number of police recorded child abduction offences in England and Wales This number peaked in 2016/17 when there were 1,133 recorded cases of children being abducted...of these over 50 % 13 year old girls. This is a real problem which is rising. I dont know what the answer is but her answering a phone call is all she needed todo to stop you being she should of done it.

LG123 · 09/08/2018 18:54

Glad I spent my teens without a mobile phone 😅

MeDented · 09/08/2018 19:01

I see you have realised you over-reacted so I'm only going to add that I do get your frustration, I'm always moaning to my two that I pay for their mobile phone contracts so we can keep in touch yet every single time I try to contact them I get no response despite them seeming to be permanently glued to their phones! Teenagers!

2Kids2Cats1BigKid · 09/08/2018 19:10

My 14 year old son is exactly the same. He constantly has his phone on him,unless of course you need to speak to him,then it's 'in someone's bag' or 'i didn't hear it' or the most infuriating thing is you ring him, he ignores you then texts back 'What?' instead of just bloody redialling!! Makes me want to punch him. So you ring him cos you know for certain he's got his phone in his hand,and he ignores it again!! He doesn't get it, that on some occasions, I really DO need to speak to him. Sometimes wonder why we got him a phone.... 🤔

EmmaC78 · 09/08/2018 19:16

I am struggling to think what you could possibly need to ask a 13 year old that was so important it couldn't have waited til she was picked up instead of causing all the drama over nothing.

LG123 · 09/08/2018 19:25

@EmmaC78 I'm glad someone said it... I didn't know whether to say or not..

Cherrysherbet · 09/08/2018 19:49

It infuriates me when my 15yr old son doesn't answer my messages/ pick up his phone, but I wouldn't go and pick him up early from somewhere because of it. I'd just wait until he gets home and tell him to pick up in future. I think you overreacted, sorry. It's hard to let go though. I wonder what parents did before kids had phones 🤔

RedPandaMama · 09/08/2018 19:55

My mum was like this with me.

If I was visiting our local town with friends I would generally walk from our house to bus stop, then catch the bus into town, meet friends, have lunch in McDonald's then go to the park all day, home for tea time.

I was meant to text her:
As I got on the bus
As I met my friends
Once we had decided our location for the day i.e. whether we were going to someone's house, shopping centre, park
Then every 30 minutes after that

Used to cost me a fortune in credit and drove me mad. Needless to say my overbearing mother and I do not have a great relationship. She said it was because she worried but it was always about control with her.

It's so easy to forget what you're doing when with friends. I think my rule with my daughter will be let me know when you've met your friends and keep your phone handy so can contact you if I worry, let me know if you need picking up.

Reasonable boundaries.

GunpowderGelatine · 09/08/2018 19:57

OP my mum was just like this when I was a teen, except this was pre-mobile days and o wasn't allowed to go anywhere without a landline. She would often drive around looking for me and being overprotective.

As a result I had no relationship with her, in fact on my 30s it's still tense (for many reasons). But as a teen she didn't trust me, I didn't trust her, I lied and snuck around because if I played it her way I'd have lead a miserable life. Don't do this to your DD (who sounds very sensible actually, a lot of mums would have been told to fuck off if their Mum pulled up, she came to the car).

RedPandaMama · 09/08/2018 19:59

@GunpowderGelatine are you me??? I'm 20s not 30s but everything else sounds just like my situation.

Mikklehaha · 09/08/2018 20:18

I think OP has the strong ( probably bang on) suspicion that dd was ignoring her. However, half an hour is a bit daft to worry about. Give her a little longer to do the right thing and call you back in future. Perhaps discuss with her an appropriate time frame in which she ought to reply in order to avoid causing worry ( a couple of hours perhaps).
If you have something more urgent to say then just text it and she can send you a 👍 to acknowledge receipt if it.
Use this as a learning experience for you both. Good luck.

Rebecca36 · 09/08/2018 20:19

Sorry I said what I did Canshopwill shop, I didn't know full facts which you have since explained. Pax please.

Latteaday123 · 09/08/2018 20:20

@GunpowderGelatine me too! With my daughter I have now gone the other way. We are super close and we have mutual trust (so far anyway!)

Original poster
Canshopwillshop · 09/08/2018 20:40

Oh blimey - cant believe this thread is still rumbling on - read the thread - it’s all sorted, thank you people. I’m not over-protective nor over-bearing. DD and I sorted it yesterday (read the thread and you’ll see the update. Today she has been out the whole day. I texted her once to check all was well, she replied straight away with a thumbs up - both of us happy with that so sorted! For those of you struggling to understand why I needed to contact her yesterday - I don’t feel you need to know that level of detail, suffice to say I did need to. Thank you and good night 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Canshopwillshop · 09/08/2018 20:44

@rebecca36 - what’s pax?

OP posts:
jojogoesbust · 09/08/2018 20:51

My daughter is 14 and I’ve had this with her. I understand your frustration and I’ve tried to explain to her that I just need to know where she is and that she’s ok. But if I know where she’s going I don’t keep calling. It’s about trust. You have to learn to trust her and she needs to respect your

Arian1 · 09/08/2018 21:06

Welcome to the " land of the TEEEENAGERRR"
dont worry you get to get revenge when you enter the " land of the hard of hearing old age"
Save up all your gripes for then.....then let rip.
Good luck, first attack is when you have pertruding nostril hair!!!

busybuildingdens · 09/08/2018 21:12

Oh my goodness, I know you’re all sorted with your DD OP, but as the mum of a 7 year old, I can’t help but think how worrying this will be when she is 13! I don’t think you over-reacted, but I obviously have a lot to learn! I panic when my DH doesn’t answer his phone 😩

Original poster
Canshopwillshop · 09/08/2018 21:24

😅 Arian
Busybuilding - it’s not easy but you gradually get used to each new phase. I guess I’m just in the first stages of DD’s next phase and it’s a bit of a learning curve but we are getting there.

OP posts: