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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pick my Daughter up early and be really angry with her?

229 replies

Canshopwillshop · 08/08/2018 14:23

My DD is 13 and has started going out and about in our local market town to meet a group of friends. I am ok with this generally as long as I know roughly where she is and can contact her if needed. However today I texted her at 1pm to ask her something and got no reply. Another txt 10 mins later - no reply. I then tried to phone her and she didn’t pick up - tried for about half an hour to make contact, all the time getting more and more worried. In the end I drove to where I thought she’d be and found her with her friends. I made her come home with me (half an hour earlier than we’d agreed) and I have had a real go at her about worrying me unnecessarily and keeping in touch etc.

The thing is she is normally glued to her bloody phone and uses it to tell me what time she needs picking up, asks for extra time etc etc but when I need to get hold of her she doesn’t pick up Angry. She said she’d put her phone in her friend’s bag and didn’t hear it ringing. She’s now sulking in her room. Did I over-react?

OP posts:
DobbyisFREE · 08/08/2018 16:36

As others have said just be upfront next time and agree check in times or the phone to be on loud.

I know when I was a teenager I was glued to my phone at home because I was talking to my friends. When I was with my friends my phone wouldn't be out because all the people I was interested in talking to were there.

You over-reacted a little but you did it out of concern and without embarrassing her so maybe just apologise for not setting the rules beforehand and say "in future I need you to do X"

diddl · 08/08/2018 16:36

I'm not sure I buy that you were worried-presumably they all had phones & would contact a parent in an emergency.

More like you were pissed off that she ignored you when you wanted to ask her soething.

What was so important that you had to have an answer to immediately?

IceCreamFace · 08/08/2018 16:39

OP I think you realise it was an over reaction and you're not a helicopter parent - you just got worried (as we all do from time to time). Not the end of the world.

BonnieLass5 · 08/08/2018 16:39

You really over reacted.

When she didn't answer, you should have just waited till the time you were supposed to be picking her up and gone and got her.

Also, pestering her when she's out with her friends is a bit overpowering.

liz70 · 08/08/2018 16:40

My, you are rude, OP. Hmm But you carry on as you will; it isn't as if some of us on here don't have adult DDs who've been through all this before.
Wait till she's 17 and rocks up at 1 a.m. some night, having been uncontactable since 11 the morning before, with a "What's the problem?" look on her face. Grin

Winterbella · 08/08/2018 16:42

^ wow that behaviour would never be tolerated here.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 08/08/2018 16:43

You can “strongly object” without directly telling another person “fuck off”.

I have strongly objected lots of times without swearing at someone.

user1486915549 · 08/08/2018 16:44

My god . How did our parents manage to survive without being able to track us down via mobile phones !

Viviennemary · 08/08/2018 16:46

I think you were OTT at one o'clock in the afternoon. It was annoying though. And will all the things happening these days it's quite easy to go into panic mode over not much.

BackforGood · 08/08/2018 16:46

Exactly. You could have said - 'I take offence at that term'. or 'I really hate that phrase'. Many of us 'strongly object' to you being so offensive to another poster.

Original poster
Canshopwillshop · 08/08/2018 16:48

@liz70 - at what point did I say I wasn’t accepting the advice on here? I’ve been rude to 2 posters who were rude to me - I know I shouldn’t rise to the bait. I’ve said quite a few times that I accept the majority of opinions so why the ‘carry on as you will’ comment?

OP posts:
TwoBlueShoes · 08/08/2018 16:51

You were by your own admission “really angry” with her. You also flew off the handle with cauliflower.

It’s not really a normal reaction, is it?

AnnieAnoniMoose · 08/08/2018 16:51

I’d leave the thread now if I was you, it’ll only wind you up! You got what you wanted out if it, you’ve accepted you over reacted a bit and DD is out with her other friend, having fun, it’s not like you grounded her for life.

I wouldn’t mention it again tbh, it’ll do her no harm to have been told off for not being contactable and to realise you are not a pushover.

Just carry on as normal 😊

Cauliflowersqueeze · 08/08/2018 16:53

I wasn’t rude. You asked people’s opinions.

I shared my opinion about the actions you took on that occasion and said “this is called helicoptering”. I didn’t say you were a helicopter parent, I described your behaviour on that occasion, which is what you asked for.

And you swore at me to “fuck off”. You asked opinions and I gave mine.

I do think you were rude and I don’t think I deserved to be spoken to like that.

EuphoricNight · 08/08/2018 16:55

Ok cauliflower get over it. You're overreacting far more than the op did Grin.

BertrandRussell · 08/08/2018 16:56

"What’s the big deal about embarrassing the girl in front of her friends? FFS, the Mum was worried, the girl’s a teenager, it’s practically OP’s job to embarrass her."
I do so hate this attitude. No it is not a parent's job to embarrass teenagers-it really isn't.

Original poster
Canshopwillshop · 08/08/2018 16:57

Ok cauliflower - sorry I swore at you .
Annie - you are right, I’ll only keep it going if I keep replying. Thanks, I’ll be off now 😊 Chuffed I made discussion of the day though, that’s never happened before!

OP posts:
Faraway75 · 08/08/2018 16:59

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all! I've had similar meltdowns (out of fear!) when I couldn't get hold of my 15 year old son. Like you say, they're glued to their phones and all sorts of things go through your head!

BertrandRussell · 08/08/2018 17:00

It's perfectly understandable gat you panic- but that's your issue, nor the teenagers

Howhot · 08/08/2018 17:02

You massively over reacted. It's not like she was missing and ignoring you. You knew exactly where she was.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 08/08/2018 17:05

Thank you.

Confusedbeetle · 08/08/2018 17:09

Actually, I feel a bit sorry for OP in this case and it's entirely due to mobile phones. Before everyone had them and relied on them she would be out and about and not in contact. Only if she failed to come home at the agreed time would she be in trouble so in this respect she did nothing wrong. However, if we try to contact someone who has a mobile phone we get annoyed if they don't answer. That's why many pre-tech adults won't carry them switched on! are they a help or a hindrance? You decide

GabsAlot · 08/08/2018 17:10

i know u prob panicked but honestly what would u have done 25 years ago when t here was no phones

not let her out?

EuphoricNight · 08/08/2018 17:10

'It's perfectly understandable gat you panic- but that's your issue, nor the teenagers'
Fgs it really is not that unreasonable to tell DC they must respond to a text or answer a call from a parent.
It's called setting boundaries, they then know when they are 14, 15, 16 and get even more 'distracted' the same rules apply.
Constant contact no, answering one text from a parent, yes.

SendYouUpInFlames · 08/08/2018 17:15

@canshop oh no I won't don't worry. But you are an embarrassment of a parent. God I'd die if you were my mother!!

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