To be pissed of with "I don't mind"

[Bumble1830]

A little bit lighthearted, a little bit rant-y.

Does anyone else get pissed off with "I don't mind" answers to every single question you ask the family? What do you fancy for tea? .... I don't mind. What film shall we watch? ... I don't mind. How would you like to live your last day on earth? ... I don't mind. Seriously, a little clue as to what you fancy for dinners as I'm doing the weekly shop in Sainsburys (other supermarkets are available) would be nice, and then they moan because its the stuff stuff every time....!!! Ggrrrrr. Aannnnnd bbrrreeaaaath 😶

SoSo I think (from the perspective of a 'don't mind' hater ) a couple of suggestions would be helpful. Because you must mind?! If I met up with you, in central London for example, and asked what you'd like to do, and you said "I don't mind", I imagine you would indeed mind if I then said "OK great, I know a great sex dungeon that does the best orgies" or "There's a great restaurant in Pimlico that serves raw skunk anus"? So, I think what would be better would be "I don't mind but why not something like pizza/the Theatre/a museum/a walk in the park", or whatever your taste is.

Unless you in fact are partial so a bit of skunk anus after a big orgy, in which case I'd suggest you keep that to yourself

I hate the 'I don't mind'. I have a friend, who answers ever suggestion with a shrug and a 'why not?'. I usually follow it with 'well is that a yes or no?

My DSD14 says this to everything you ask her, I’m turning into a right old fart and make her give me a proper answer every time she comes out with it.

She loves Nando’s and I asked her the other week if she wanted to go for there for tea. “I don’t mind” 🤬
So I told her ok the rest of us could go and she could stay at home. Obviously she changed her mind very quickly!

I don't mind 'I don't mind' as it means I can make or do or go wherever I want and if they don't like it then it is their problem, like it or leave it, don't care. I'm also guilty of the 'I don't mind' as it's a general rule when suggestions are offered that it is either ignored or changed. Work both ways and upside down too.

(I do care and the little one will get fed)

My husband is good at I don't mind...Until you make a suggestion and he suddenly does mind and gives a differing suggestion. Bloody annoying!

OMFG, I hear ya! Don't get me started. I seriously don't give a shit and anything for an easy life. "What do you want to do?!* "Anything, I don't mind." "OK. let's do this." "OK but but but SULK Cos I wanted to do something different but couldn't be arsed telling you." Thanks for the rant, needed it lol. AIBU?!

UGH.
If I'm asking, I expect an actual answer.

Tip: if this is usually about food, prepare a menu similar to the one in photo, where "I don't mind" is the most boring and easiest thing and serve it every time they answer so.
Might get the point across after they get the same thing for a month

My daughter does this

Me: What shall I make you for lunch?
Her: Anything is fine.
Me: Ok, I'll make you a sandwich.
Her: Oh, no. Not a sandwich.
Me: Ok, pizza then?
Her: Not pizza either.
Me: Well, what do you want?
Her: I don't mind. Anything except sandwiches or pizza.

Drives me crazy! 🤦‍♀️

Aha! I’ve figured it out!

You: what would you like for dinner dear? (Thinking: how nice I am to be offering to plan, buy, cook, serve AS WELL as checking preferences. I am a saint)
DH: I don’t mind, you choose. (Thinking: how nice I am to not be demanding or fussy like some husbands. I’m so easygoing, generous and compliant)
You: bloody hell! I have to do everything around here (Thinking: I was nice to you, why can’t you be nice and help with the mental load sometimes, you presumptive oaf?? Grrr)
DH: Good god woman, why must even my extreme niceness trigger you? Can’t we just have a nice meal without the drama??
You: McHappy meal for One it is!!!

In summary, you both think you’re being nice, but actually you’re not. You need to clearly ask for what you want, rather than hoping he will guess. That is on you. He needs to be reminded (by doing it for a week?) that meal planning is a JOB, not a joyous high point of your day. If he ‘let you’ choose the brand of laundry liquid, does he think it would make the weekly wash fun somehow? No, still a chore!

My ILs do this. They are lovely people but since we live overseas, when we do see them it's for at least a week at a time and the constant "We don't mind"s really grate on me. "PIL, would you like to come with us to X today or would you prefer to rest at home?" "We don't mind!" I think they are afraid of making a "wrong" choice, but it is exhausting to host them as even offering to make them a cup of tea leads to a five minute Mexican standoff.

My FIL does this in restaurants to the waiters. ‘What would you like to drink sir?’ ‘What ever, I don’t mind’ the poor staff are left very confused.

Years ago I read an article a woman had written about how annoying she found it when anyone came to her house, was offered tea or coffee, and replied "I don't mind". I don't remember exactly what she said but it made such an impression on my I've always made a choice since then.

My elder DD is a bit like this. She always has been. Once in a coffee shop I asked her which muffin or cake she'd like from what was on offer and she said "I don't mind"

Which made me scoff a bit "You must have a preference?" and the girl at the counter said "I'm like that...I genuinely don't mind. They're all nice after all..."

And I realised that it's ok to not mind sometimes.

YANBU

I have a friend who says "I don't mind / Wherever suits everyone else / whatever you prefer", but then it always turns out she wants to meet only at one particular (shit IMO) restaurant chain in one place, or one particular pub in another place, or... Actually it varies, but it's always super specific. She'll meet anywhere, but after 10 location attempts it turns out that's only Kings Cross. She'll eat anywhere, cue 10 more attempts. It's exhausting. I've tried telling her, but she says "oh but I really don't mind where we go" and that just frustrates me even more, because she does mind every time.

I've had to start being clearer with my partner about food "I'm too tired to decide, give me 2 or 3 options please", but then he does the shopping 4 out of 5 times so it's not like he should be stuck for choice. He does still moan of course, but it's less annoying when he's moaning about what he picked up at the supermarket than moaning about what I bought.

We are having to renovate our new house at the moment and my DH's answer to every question is 'I don't know, what do you think?'
What he really means is 'I have an opinion but if it we go with it and it turns out badly I'll never hear the end of it so I'd rather go with your choice and put up with it!'

Oh god yes.

What shall we do today? I don’t mind, whatever you fancy.
What shall we have to eat? I don’t mind, whatever you fancy.

And let’s not forget,
You want a drink? Tea? Coffee? I don’t mind, whatever’s easier.
ITS A FUCKING HOT DRINK ... ITS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE ... JUST PICK ONE!

Urge I hear you op. Never forget when inlaws came to stay when I left hospital with prem new born who I had to attempt to feed every 2 hours plus we had toddler. Every meal "oh we don't mind, don't bother about us" yes but you need to eat as do we. They just sat there. Enrages me to this day why they didn't just get on with it mil is a great cook.

The other one is "what can I do" from dh which is meant well but yet again assumes all thinking is mine and he only there to do discrete job like chop an onion. I have taken to replying "cook dinner" or "sort house" and let him work it out.

'I don't mind' is rude and lazy. Absolutely hate it. Get the splinters out of your arse and make a decision. Especially when it's something utterly banal like type of drink. Really? You don't know what you want? Would you like me to feed it to you as well? Always suggests to me someone with such a complete lack of imagination that they can't see the world is full of possibilities. You don't mind where we go? Aces, let's go on a tour of London's sewers, or that vegetarian buffet at the Hare Krishna temple, or sign up for regular prison visits to lifers, or to the next session of the Standing Committee for the Department for Culture Media and Sport.

My husband does most of the cooking+shopping, and often decides what we're eating (and checks in with me). Every now and then he'll ask "what would you like for dinner", or "do you have any preferences?" I often don't mind, but I make an effort to come up with some suggestions because it's obvious he's asking for me to take a turn at deciding.

It's obvious. I think some people choose to be oblivious.

I never ask my fiance what he wants for dinner when I do the weekly shop. I never would - I just get on with it. Same when I cook dinner. It's what I choose to make. I make the effort, I get to pick the meal.

He asks me 'what do you want me to order/eat tonight' - damn fucking right I'll say I don't mind. I just want him to do the job altogether, which includes thinking about what meat, veg etc to get in this week.

It genuinely comes from a place of wanting me to have exactly what I want, but what I want is not have food presented to me to enjoy without thought.

Drives me crackers. Typical scenario on an evening, dh comes home as I’m drying the boys.
H “what’s for tea”
M “spag Bol”
H “I don’t fancy that.”
M “what do you want?”
H “I don’t really mind”
M “spag Bol then”
H “I just said I don’t fancy that”
M “well what do you want?”
H “I really couldn’t care less, I don’t mind”
M “ffs dh. I’ve defrosted the mince now. You’re having spaghetti bolognaise”
H “no need to be so grumpy I said I didn’t mind”
All done whilst he goes for a epic poo and then watches me sort the kids out.
He then does the same thing over the telly “what shall we watch” “I don’t mind” I choose “not that. I don’t mind what we watch but not that”
I give him a choice around the house “wanna do the laundry or clean the high chair?” “I don’t mind” but he clearly does as he only does half of a job before hounding me about it.

And it drives me nuts because it’s clearly just another throw away comment, where he’s not actually listening but in his phone world!

I had a friend like this and it used to drive me nuts. We're not in contact anymore and I certainly don't miss doing the I don't mind dance. It was everything ffs. What day might suit for lunch, what time is best for her, what restaurant might she fancy, shall we order wine... . The same if we ever went away - she never minded about hotels, day trips, etc.

I call it the I don't mind dance because you were obliged to do the back and forth of suggesting times, dates, places and being told I don't mind before reaching agreement. If you actually just said "so let's go to that Mexican restaurant on Saturday 11th at 2pm" she would have seen that as you taking over and not considering her!
I know this because she regularly moaned about other friends or colleagues who tbh were just a bit more decisive than her.

It's all very well saying you really don't mind but it's the refusal to do any of the thinking, putting it all on someone else and certainly with my friend it allowed her to see herself as easy going while at the same time if it all went tits up eg crap restaurant, shit hotel, it wasn't her who'd made the decision!

MIL does this. It's infuriating, as though she has so little self worth after years of FIL controlling behaviour. I ask her once now, and if I don't get a definitive answer there's no cajoling I simply move on and ask the next person. She soon jumps back in "oh well, I suppose I er...."

YES YES YES !

First off - DH is a diamond. He never EVER moans about anything i make him to eat. Even on the rare occasion during the week when it's nothing. Like last night.

BUT - just occasionally i'd love for him to tell me what he'd fancy. I'd like to sometimes be making a meal he was looking forward to. Not just fuel for being alive.

Now - a pp mentioned renovations. Here the vibe is slightly different. He's doing the building, and i'm meant to just decide 'what i want' without much input from him. I agonise over it. I try to get pointers based on what would be easiest for him. It's SO hard to get input from him. He says 'just decide and let me know'. So i decide and let him know. He sighs and says ''So you want the loo there? There?! Meaning i've got to do x, y, z with the flange knobble?!?!!?!'' as if i was meant to know that magically!!!! Arrrrgggghhhh.