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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not make DH breakfast in school holidays?

132 replies

theporridge · 07/08/2018 12:52

This is obviously not a world crisis, but I’m wondering what other people might think.

I’m an early riser, so I normally wake up at 5.30am with the cats. Then, in term time, I get DS up for 6am as he goes to school early for a sport he trains for. I give him porridge or eggs or something and then, because it’s cooked, I take the other 2 DDs and DH breakfast in bed . I do this because it’s easier than doing it again once they come down and I find the whole morning and everyone getting out runs more smoothly like this.

The AIBU is, I’ve still been doing breakfast in bed for DH even though it’s summer holidays. It’s been fine because I’m up anyway. However, we’re currently on holiday where there is a buffet breakfast. This morning I wasn’t well, so he brought me some fruit back in bed. I said, I could get used to this and maybe he could carry on when we got home. He said, “Charming” and “nice to know where I stand in order of family priorities.” He was joking, but not joking, if that makes sense. AIBU to think he shouldn’t actually expect me to make his breakfast, regardless of whether I do or not? Hope this makes sense? Thanks.

OP posts:

Lethaldrizzle · 07/08/2018 12:55

Yanbu. I make dh a coffee most mornings. Occasionally breakfast if he's lucky and in bed on special occasions. No way would I be doing breakfast in bed every morning for every one

user139328237 · 07/08/2018 12:57

He shouldn't expect it and he should be doing other things for your benefit but if your naturally an early riser and he isn't why wouldn't you do something that requires little extra effort and makes your partner happy.

Mitzimaybe · 07/08/2018 13:00

I get it - it's not about the breakfast per se, it's about the lack of appreciation and his expectations. Does he pull his weight otherwise? Is breakfast the only chore which is always done by you, or do you do most things?

Cambionome · 07/08/2018 13:01

You've rather made a rod for your own back here.

I would put a definite stop to it now, and the dcs breakfast. I understand that you think it makes your life easier, but actually it will end up with the whole family just thinking that you are there to service their needs.

Not a good idea and not workable in the long-term.

WhiteCoyote · 07/08/2018 13:02

Reading this op makes me feel like I’ve time travelled back 50 years.

HappyEverIftar · 07/08/2018 13:04

He said, “Charming” and “nice to know where I stand in order of family priorities.” He was joking, but not joking, if that makes sense.

I'm not sure I follow - is he suggesting that he will be bottom of the pile if he made you breakfast back home? And if so, does he consider you bottom of the pile because you do it already?

No he should not expect to have his breakfast made each day and it's not fair of him to get huffy on the I'm assuming, rare, occasion (you are ill!) you would like the same in return.

53rdWay · 07/08/2018 13:05

So he’s happy for you to bring him breakfast in bed every single day, but thinks you’re treating him like a skivvy if you even suggest he might do this for you?

Tell him to sort his own breakfast, he’s a grown man.

Fang2468 · 07/08/2018 13:05

I don’t understand this, so is he happy for you to bring food for him in bed yet doesn’t want to do it for you?
There’s loads of threads at the moment about men expecting women to make food for them, what’s wrong with these men ??

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 13:06

So the person who brings the breakfast is the family skiv?

TheWernethWife · 07/08/2018 13:07

WTF, stay in bed and have a bloody lie-in, surely they can make their own, how hard is it to prepare a bowl of cereal or instant porridge.

Cuppaorwine · 07/08/2018 13:09

I don’t really understand his response op. Does he see you as the family slave hence the bottom of the pile? I would ask him what he meant by that.

LizzieSiddal · 07/08/2018 13:09

YANBU

DOes he still think it's 1952?

He sounds like a knob. You are doing something nice for him. It's not something that you have to do and you should make him aware of this.

Original poster

theporridge · 07/08/2018 13:11

Sorry - the way he said it was in the sense that I must prioritise the kids over him because if I’m not doing it for them I wouldn’t bother. There is the hint of “woe is me”, “nobody cares”, in other words.

I should say he’s great lovely in many ways and he’s not lazy. He works very hard and is often grumpy / stressed /preoccupied with work. At home, he will put laundry in and he’s not messy, but he doesn’t cook really.

OP posts:

Cherubfish · 07/08/2018 13:11

I'd be cross too OP. You always bring him breakfast in bed, and he does it once for you and makes a sarky comment that seems to imply it's beneath him? What a twat. You need to make it clear that in future you'll only be bringing breakfast in bed to people who appreciate it.

HollyGibney · 07/08/2018 13:12

but if your naturally an early riser and he isn't why wouldn't you do something that requires little extra effort and makes your partner happy.

She does. But doesn't want to have to do it every single day or listen to snidey little comments when it's not done.

adaline · 07/08/2018 13:13

Why on earth did you start this ridiculous routine in the first place? I would never expect another grown adult to bring me breakfast in bed every day. Maybe on my birthday or if I was sick, but otherwise I'm quite capable of getting up and getting my own!

I know you think it makes things smoother, but all you've done is create a situation where breakfast in bed is expected. Tell them (DD's included) to get up and make their own breakfasts from now on!

Brown76 · 07/08/2018 13:14

That's a very loving service that you are providing for your family but your DH seems to look down on you for doing it. You could teach your son how to make his own breakfast and use your early mornings to do something for yourself.

JassyRadlett · 07/08/2018 13:14

He said, “Charming” and “nice to know where I stand in order of family priorities.”

So where does he think you stand the order, in that case?

adaline · 07/08/2018 13:15

but if your naturally an early riser and he isn't why wouldn't you do something that requires little extra effort and makes your partner happy.

Really?!

There's nothing wrong with doing nice things for your partner but it absolutely should not be expected. DP tends to get up before me because he has to leave before I do - he takes the dog out and makes me a coffee most days. But if he doesn't, I don't make snide comments or get pissed off with him - I just assume he was busy/forgot/didn't have time and make my own!

Cuppaorwine · 07/08/2018 13:18

Do you think he was just joking op? My dh might come out with this but he wouldn’t mean it?? Are you sure he did mean it?

rubyjude · 07/08/2018 13:20

Some men are like this, I think. They believe they should still be a top/the top priority in a household, even with kids. Manchildren that can't accept that, shock horror, they don't get put first all the time.

Original poster

theporridge · 07/08/2018 13:27

I don’t think he sees me as low priority in general, definitely not. But it’s more that I would be somehow neglecting him if I just stayed in bed and let him go off without food. He interprets that as me not caring. This is his mentality. I guess I’ve done it because I’m up anyway, as I say, and I’m not having to get myself out to work.

OP posts:

delphguelph · 07/08/2018 13:30

As a pp said, we've wandered into 1954.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

And his 'priorities' comment would have killed it.

What about you, OP? Where are you on the list?

KM99 · 07/08/2018 13:30

Obviously we don't have all the context here, but seriously you bring 2 of your kids and your OH breakfast in bed every day?

It might seem easier for you but it sounds like you've already got some feelings of entitlement going on with your OH. What are your 2 kids? Do they appreciate it?

If they aren't up with your DS for the breakfast you have then, then I'd be pointing them to the cupboards and letting them get on with it. IMO, breakfast in bed is a special treat not a daily occurrence.

Knittedfairies · 07/08/2018 13:31

Why would he ‘go off without food’ if you stayed in bed? Is he banned from the kitchen?

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