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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make DH breakfast in school holidays?

132 replies

theporridge · 07/08/2018 12:52

This is obviously not a world crisis, but I’m wondering what other people might think.

I’m an early riser, so I normally wake up at 5.30am with the cats. Then, in term time, I get DS up for 6am as he goes to school early for a sport he trains for. I give him porridge or eggs or something and then, because it’s cooked, I take the other 2 DDs and DH breakfast in bed Shock. I do this because it’s easier than doing it again once they come down and I find the whole morning and everyone getting out runs more smoothly like this.

The AIBU is, I’ve still been doing breakfast in bed for DH even though it’s summer holidays. It’s been fine because I’m up anyway. However, we’re currently on holiday where there is a buffet breakfast. This morning I wasn’t well, so he brought me some fruit back in bed. I said, I could get used to this and maybe he could carry on when we got home. He said, “Charming” and “nice to know where I stand in order of family priorities.” He was joking, but not joking, if that makes sense. AIBU to think he shouldn’t actually expect me to make his breakfast, regardless of whether I do or not? Hope this makes sense? Thanks.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/08/2018 13:31

Why on earth you're serving breakfasts in bed at all is what's puzzling me.

I take the other 2 DDs and DH breakfast in bed. I do this because it’s easier than doing it again once they come down

You give them 10 minute's notice and make them come down and eat it, surely?

TwoBlueShoes · 07/08/2018 13:31

How old are your kids?

Growing up I always made my own breakfast. It’s usually the easiest meal.

I would feel embarrassed as an adult to have another person bring me breakfast in bed every morning like there was something wrong with me.

53rdWay · 07/08/2018 13:32

So he sees having a cooked breakfast brought to him in bed as just a basic service you should provide because you’d somehow be neglecting him if you didn’t?

Tell him to hire a chef and a butler. Or tell him where the cornflakes are and leave him to it.

WowLookAtYou · 07/08/2018 13:32

I would be somehow neglecting him if I just stayed in bed and let him go off without food.

"Let him go off?" What's wrong with him getting his own food? You know, what with him being a grown up and everything?

LeftRightCentre · 07/08/2018 13:34

Good grief! No wonder there are such knobber young men out there, they had Ma bringing them breakfast in bed like some bloody king from medieval times. Utterly unbelievable that you're dishing out breakfast in bed to 4 people who can make their own! Makes your life easier? I'll tell you what makes it even easier: when people who are old enough to prepare food do it for themselves. Both mine were making their own breakfasts and packing their own lunches by secondary school and one has SEN because I had to go to work. Your son chooses to get up early to train for his sport, stop enabling him so he learns to function like an adult before he becomes one of these people who think others are there to skivvy for them. As for your H, the breakfasts would stop.

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2018 13:35

OP have you posted about all this serving breakfast in bed for your DH and DC before?

I've got a vague memory of someone in almost the same 'position' and even then, I thought she just sounded really downtrodden.

I hope it wasn't you because that was ages ago, so if it was, you've learned nothing.

LeftRightCentre · 07/08/2018 13:37

Unhygienic to be eating in bed anyhow. Minging.

Original poster
theporridge · 07/08/2018 13:38

The younger DC are 12 and 10. To be fair, I do it because then I know they’ve eaten and then they are more “with it” and they get themselves dressed and ready no problem. I take the younger one to school still. The DC aren’t bothered about breakfast anyway, but I do see the point about making a rod for my own back with DH though.

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 07/08/2018 13:38

Welcome to the rest of your life. You're gonna be bringing His Lordship breakfast in bed when you're 65, clearly. Since he makes it about neglect if you don't.

But in fairness, you have trained him to expect it. You voluntarily started it and continued it!

Cambionome · 07/08/2018 13:39

You'd be neglecting him if you let him go off without food?? Confused

Why doesn't he get up and get his own food like the rest of the population (or at least everyone who's over 12)?

Honestly op, this is ridiculous.

Creatureofthenight · 07/08/2018 13:39

I can see the logic in cooking everyone’s breakfast at the same time, but I would presume you make it pretty much the same time every day so I can’t see why your DH and DDs can’t rouse themselves to come down and eat.
If I brought my DH breakfast in bed every day (fat chance) and I had made your comment, I’d like to think he’d thank me for doing it and suggest he could start doing my breakfast on Sundays or something.

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2018 13:39

Oh right now I really do think you've posted before.

Make the breakfast, put it on the table and call the lazy fuckers out of bed.

Also I'm thrilled to hear they all get themselves dressed....

ElspethFlashman · 07/08/2018 13:40

Wait, I missed that you brought the kids breakfast in bed too.

Snap out of it! What are you teaching them about woman's work??!

Original poster
theporridge · 07/08/2018 13:43

Well it’s probably my fault by the sound of it Blush. No I have not posted about this years ago. It’s just been like this because if you make breakfast it’s easier to do it in one go, than at different times as people come down. This is what I find anyway, but maybe I’m an idiot. The DC are very independent in general, I think.

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 07/08/2018 13:43

It won't kill them to go without breakfast, OP. My daughter is not a breakfast person. She would make herself a smoothie even by the age of 10. My son would grab a protein bar. You're teaching them some really bad habits. My daughter won't entertain menchildren like this and thankfully, an increasing number of women won't.

serbska · 07/08/2018 13:44

Why have you been encouraging eating in bed anyway? Gross getting food into your bed.

Also, you're meant to brush your teeth before breakfast anyway (and wash mouth out with water only after breakfast to get rid of bits of food).

Have your children and husband get up, washed, teeth brushed and come down to eat breakfast at the table and stop this breakfast in bed nonsense.

careerontrack · 07/08/2018 13:45

I can’t believe you make anyone breakfast in bed or indeed breakfast at all. Are none of them capable of pouring some cereal or putting a slice of toast in the toaster.

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2018 13:45

Of course it's easier to make it in one go. That's what most people do, who make family breakfasts Confused

Then they tell everyone what time they'll need to get up to eat it.

LeftRightCentre · 07/08/2018 13:45

Then you make the breakfast and tell them to come get it at the least. If they don't come down you stop doing the breakfast and tell them to get their own.

FruitOnAPlatter · 07/08/2018 13:45

I get it - if you're doing it for everyone, then it is different for doing it for just one person - the first is a family task, like putting the washing on, the second is going and picking up his socks from his side of the bed (except a lot more effort)

I've had to explain this to DP about lifts - that yes, I'm generally happy to get him if it's going to be so much hassle for him, that it's worth causing hassle for 3 other family members (me and the kids) to do it - but it's not a given, sometimes, he'll have to suffer because his needs don't trump the kids. For example, I'd chuck them in a car for 30 mins at 5, but I'm not going to do an hour trip at 7, just so he doesn't have to take the tube.

serbska · 07/08/2018 13:46

o I have not posted about this years ago. It’s just been like this because if you make breakfast it’s easier to do it in one go, than at different times as people come down.

What are you making that has to be so exactly timed? Porridge stays fine on a low heat in the pan. Toast people normally do themselves. Cereal people normally do themselves.

PerverseConverse · 07/08/2018 13:48

Act like household staff, be treated like household staff.
You're raising children who are going to expect to be waited on in life and will be clueless and dependant on others. As for your husband..,,,,I agree you've made a rod for your own back. This is 2018.

flowerpicture · 07/08/2018 13:49

I haven't made my 12yo breakfast in about 5 years, and I've never made DH breakfast in all 18 years. Your routine baffles me. These are capable humans, no? Which one of them is making sure you've eaten?

53rdWay · 07/08/2018 13:49

if you make breakfast it’s easier to do it in one go, than at different times as people come down

But. If they’re all eating their breakfasts at say 6.45 anyway, because you’ve brought it to their individual bedsides, what is stopping them from coming down at 6.45 and eating it at the table?

Cuppaorwine · 07/08/2018 13:52

Are you doing them all cooked breakfasts op? You sound lovely but honestly don’t keep this up with your kids. Call them down for breakfast and if they don’t come down it’s cold. Their choice.

I see why you do it for dh. I get you don’t work outside the home an as you say he’s stressed etc but he should be bloody grateful to you op not expecting it. Cheeky fecker