Mummy has a beard on her willy

[Ahostofgoldendaffodils]

I thought I’d combine two of Mumsnet’s favourites: kids saying inappropriate things and lady garden grooming. I’ll start: my two year old DD watched me shower one day and was quite taken with my somewhat blooming bush. Later that day she announced to my DH and MIL that ‘mummy has a beard on her willy’. Admittedly, I do have quite a ‘beard’ down there, but I don’t have a willy. AIBU that kids often come out with some of the most hilarious yet inappropriate things? What’s yours?

When DD1 was about 7/8 all the class was going through the usual phase of delighting in learning new swear words.
She cane home one day beaming from ear to ear. I asked her what had happened at school and she said "I learnt the F word". She looked so pleased with herself. I asked her what the F word was. In hushed tones she leant towards me and said "Fagina". I almost couldn't contain myself 🤣

Where the FUCK do you live, Ilovemypantry?

I can never believe a child in England hasn't seen someone with a different colour, either in RL or on TV.

Those tales just make me cringe.

DS often will sit there stroking my back telling me how hairy it is 'like a monkey'.

When he was much younger I had to 'explain' tampons to him when I was unpacking shopping, he asked if girl's put them up their bums and I think I just agreed, this then escalated to me having to explain why girl's don't have willies and why some people are brown

Our 3 yr daughter stopped rigid and wouldn't move past a lady in a burqa she'd never seen one before and didnt know it was a person and she won't have seen many black people close up, why would that make you cringe.

"My child pointed a black man out on the bus and said..."

I find it bizarre that a child who lives in the UK who is old enough to talk hasn't seen someone with different coloured skin before, in day to day life or on tv.

I find it cringey recounting the tale. I have children and nieces and nephews who have never made comments like the ones I often read on here.

RonniePickering, I'm not Ilovemypantry but there are some areas of the UK that are ridiculously white.

I moved to York as a teenager and I think there were only a couple of Asian kids at our very large comprehensive, everyone else was white. One friend told me that they had never seen someone with dark skin until they were about 7 or 8 when their primary school hired a black music teacher (I'm not sure if he had seen anyone of colour on TV or not). Many of the other children were in the same position and some were crying according to him This would have been in the 1990s.

A mixed-raced friend who I met in London said she wanted to move back up north but had ruled out York because she took her son out for the day there and the only person of colour she saw was a Big Issue seller.

My elderly FIL thinks that they have 'ridiculous quotas for black people' on TV because, according to him, there are so many of them. I don't think he has really understood that the rest of the UK isn't like his tiny town in the middle of nowhere where almost everyone is white, although I have tried to gently explain.

I'm pleased to be living somewhere a bit more diverse now to raise the DC.

Thanks OP that's put a smile on my face ! he he

when my niece was 4 me my SIL went swimming, we were in the communal changing room, niece looking long and had at my pierced nipples, but didn't say anything

seems her friend at school had , had her ears pierced she told her entire class and teacher her Aunty Liz had earrings in her booby buttons

Roll on Christmas nativity , we get introduced to her teacher , teacher says to me , we have heard all about you Aunty Liz ! she then winked at me !

@RonniePickering I find it bizarre that you wouldn't realise that not everywhere in the U.K. is the same. Lots of small children don't watch tv (or at least only cartoons) and there are places in the U.K. with little or no ethnic minorities. I don't think I saw a black person until I was 9 for example, she then became my best friend for the rest of primary school.

RonniePickering
Sorry if it makes you cringe but it’s a true story.
All the posts on this thread are cringeworthy....the whole point of the thread I think!

RonniePickering

I didn't see a black person until I was about 9, when a black girl started at my primary. Even now there aren't that many black people around where I live and every other child at my DD's playgroup is white, she does go to a Nursery as well where there was 1 black girl and 1 Asian girl, other than that they are all white. Colour doesn't bother her though she just sees a new friend.

I’ve only had one of these with DS so far- taking him to the toilet with me and he chooses to shout “Mummy POO!” 🤦‍♀️

Another country bumpkin here who didn't see a black person till I was about six. I touched his hair without asking

Honestly, some of these have had me crying with laughter.

My eldest once was in the supermarket trolley, and said very loudly "why is that man so FAT?!"

Wasnt even a man. Oh, the shame.

DD in swimming pool changing "mama, do all grown up girls have fluffy bottoms? I don't want one. They look funny. Daddy has a fluffy chest. Why don't ladies have fluffy chests?" Etc etc, so many questions.....you get the idea.

My only hope was as this was Center Parcs it was noisy in those hanging rooms, and very hard to discern which cubicle the preschooler Spanish inquisition was being held in.

When my ds was about 2 we were in a ladies clothes shop changing room cubicle, there was a huge gap from the floor where you could see the person in the next changing room's feet. Put my son on the floor whilst I was trying on the clothes. Next thing i hear in a huge voice "gasp ohhhh you got no pants on", I turn round and see only his legs sticking out on my side of the changing room. I stayed in the changing room till the laughter stopped.

From the thread title, I though this was going to be another trans debate.

I need to get out more.

When my ds was 3 and had to come into toilets with me, he was a nightmare to actually get to stay and not open the door. He couldn't stay still for 5 seconds and I'd spend the whole time yelling 'don't open that door! Do NOT open that door! DO NOT OPEN THAT DOOR' while lunging forward off the toilet trying to push the door shut.

RonniePickering

When I was 3 or 4 I saw a black person for the first time and shouted, "mummy, why does that man have a chocolate face?" on a bus. I assure you, it DOES happen.

I grew up in a small village outside of Edinburgh. There was one Asian person at my school and then a black family moved to the village when I was about 10. Some parts of the UK are very, very white.

I never took mine in the toilet with me. I think they waited outside the cubicle

Another one from a town which is, IIRC, about 98.7% white. Not far fetched at all to imagine a 3yo has never seen a black person

Even if your area is reasonably diverse, kids can still be curious about things- DS was very puzzled why black people have lighter coloured palms as opposed to the back of the hand.

DS was another one that loves cockporn rather than popcorn. He was also convinced that a mum and grandma at the park were actually a lesbian couple so I was tricky to give an explanation that both covered the possibility that they were a couple and that's fine and that he shouldn't bloody comment and they probably weren't anyway!

When I was pregnant with DD2 I had explained to DD1 all about how the baby was going to get out (after she got very concerned that i would have to bite her out....). The trouble was I used quite simple language. A couple of days later we were in a bank and she likes up very.loudly "mummy that lady has a special hole. And that lady" etc pointing at the ladies in the room. I really wished the ground could open up and swallow me. Thankfully I was obviously very pregnant!

My ds 3 has just told the cafe staff member we went to nork Maze yesterday!

Hopefully she won't be an mner and the nork will be a mystery!

I mentioned this thread to DH and he's just reminded me about a DS2 moment that I'd tried desperately to erase from my memory forgotten.

Aged about 2, very into Thomas the Tank Engine, and at the church play group. He was rooting around in the Brio box, pulling out all the Thomas engines, while I was doing a puzzle with DS1.

'Mummy? Where's the fucking troll? I can't find the fucking troll!'

Every head turns our way.

I went bright red and very clearly told him I didn't know where the fat controller was (I was like FAT. CONTROLLER.) and tried to carry on without dying of embarrassment while the vicar's wife nearly asphyxiated trying not to laugh...

Ds1 aged 3 or 4, in a local town where one of the street cleaners had dwarfism. Walking along, minding our own business then huge gasp, people close by stop and stare:

‘LOOK MUMMY!! It’s a goblin! It’s a goblin from the bank!!’

A few nights earlier he couldn’t sleep so I’d let him lie on my knee whilst I watched the first Harry Potter.

Ds1 at about the same age, always used to have his hands in his pants whilst watching tv. I asked him why, ‘because holding my willy helps me to think’.

I came from a predominantly white small town, (it still is a predominantly white town but slowly diversifying). In the late 80s my cousin 3-4 saw a black family in MacDonalds and shouted "Winston! Mummy Winston!baby Winston" (character from the ghost buster films), my aunt was reportedly horrified the family laughed it off and the father graciously sang the theme tune to my cousin (who was convinced until he was around 8-9 that it was THE Winston he'd met that day)
Although neither of mine have ever mentioned someones colour, despite living back in the same area, they have always had books/dolls/tv featuring people of all shapes/sizes/colours/ability, and I haven't heard of any of my friends children in the last 10years or so doing so either.