Is my husband reasonable?

[Twickerhun]

My DH wants me to have dinner cooked and ready for when he gets home from work.

I’m on mat leave with a newborn and a 19 month old.

He usually gets back from work just after 6. He is out of the house at work for 12 hours a day. He wants to eat early so he can go out for a run/cycle/gym once the children are in bed.

Is it reasonable for him to expect me to have dinner cooked for him?

On Saturday fuck off out for the day. Leave at the time he leaves. Get home at the time he usually gets home. Ask him where the fuck your tea is as you’re off out again shortly.

That ought to do it.

This is one of the things that put me off the idea of being a SAHM - unless you're careful, looking after the baby turns into looking after the house, baby and husband. Then carrying on being the one that does that forever and ever even if you go back to work...

Cook extra when you cook for the toddler and heat his up in microwave. I'm sure he won't mind turkey twizzlers with an accompaniment of butter pasta and cucumber a few times a week.

If you are cooking then make sure he washes up.

If you are doing toddler bedtime then he has to put toys etc away and tidy up.

And vice versa obviously. No going out until all this is done and you get Friday night and sat morning off apart from feeding new born.

OP, you are on maternity leave to look after your baby and not to do housework, cooking and looking after your able-bodied husband. The fact that your DH expects a dinner ready for him and to be able to go out afterwards as it suits him is a full on piss take.

I actually don’t know what I would say to him other than Fuck Off! Really, I’m astonished at his selfishness.

I don’t think it is unreasonable but the meal would be a one pot effort.
Everything thrown in the slower cooker and then just needs dishing up or a pasta bake in the oven.
The only thing that would worry me is if he is getting 2 night out and you were not getting a similar amount of free time.

He's not working for 12 hours a day, he is just out of the house. And in all those 12 hours he is completely child-free and has nothing to concern him other than himself.

Then he gets home, expects his dinner to be on the table ready, and then buggers off out all evening up to 4 times a week.. when he is again child-free.

And you, OP, are on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and almost never get a minute to yourself except when the kids are asleep and he's buggered off out on his own to have fun while you stay on duty.

Yeah, I'd be falling over myself to have his dinner ready. Not.

@crazydoglady6867 Well hark at you. You should write a book. Let everybody know how to be the perfect wife.

(Even if it does include napping while looking after children)

Long way down from that high horse you're on.

It is about time SAHP was understood for what it is, a chance to spend time with your children and look after the wage earner

SHE'S NOT A SAHP

WOMEN DO NOT AUTOMATICALLY BECOME SAHPS JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE ON LEAVE TO RECOVER FROM CHILDBIRTH AND CARE FOR A BABY. THAT HORRENDOUS WAY OF THINKING IS HOW THEY GET TRAPPED. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

Why are you infantilising a grown-ass husband and father just because he has a job? Has parenthood relieved him of his limbs and brain cells? Should all main earners be sealed in plastic bubbles because they are apparently so stupid and dependent?

Maybe we should pass tubes to them in the bubbles because they are apparently so weak and stupid?

If I had OP's husband, I'd be tempted to switch the tubes around, if you know what I'm saying.

LTB

If you can’t get an hour to yourself to make your partner a meal with 1/2 even three children you are really doing something wrong.

Are you serious?!?! Ha hahahahahahahaha!

My youngest would nap for a maximum of 20 mins at a time. She refused to be left in a room by herself while I went for a wee. She wouldn't play with her toys by herself. (Nothing I was doing - DD1 was the complete opposite, so it was all down to personalities.)

A whole hour to myself to get stuff done would have been a luxury. I was lucky to get 20 mins when she napped (and even that took a good 30 mins of encouragement to sleep).

Luckily she's now 4 and happily independent, so it was just a phase. But goodness me, you have no idea of other people's realities.

I have never said this before but he is a cunty fucker, how dare he?

I'd do a slow cooker meal every night for a week so he can help himself. He'll be so sick of it he won't mind helping next week.

green meerkat. Funny you should say that, I was thinking about it😂.
And yes I have had a nap whilst looking after my children just as I went to bed each night whilst looking after them too.

There is no reason on this earth why a person at home all day cannot look after the house and family.

Is it too late for him to take a couple of months' of parental leave? Could you go back to work a couple of months' early and have a complete role reversal?

Not rtft but say he lived on his own. I presume he would not starve. He would do his work and get home and feed himself.
So if it works out that you can put the potatoes on and put something in the oven for tea, that is fine. But I think he should be well aware there are harder days when this is not possible.
Also I consider pasta, pasta sauce from a jar and pre-grated cheese to be a suitable dinner. Also beans on toast and bacon. Or if you make yourself a hot lunch and then keep a portion for his tea?

I used to have dinner ready for my OH getting in.

Sometimes.

Other times, he'd walk in the door, take one look at me and start cooking. Or take over childcare so I could, whichever I wanted him to do.

He never expected dinner to be ready, it was a bonus when it was.

@crazydoglady6867 most people on this thread would disagree with you.

But then, we can't all be Mary Poppins.

This is why I’m single and live alone!!

I think this is fair enough, my DP is 6 months and work 3-4 days, DP works much longer days than me and has a stressful job so I get up and do his lunch at 6am and have his dinner ready when he gets home at 6pm after the gym, more than happy to do this as he works so hard for the family and earns much more, he takes over with DS as soon as he is home and would cook and clean if I said I was tired or needed a night off

Mat leave is not SAHP leave, crazy and it's not about worshipping at the Altar of a Person Who Works. FFS, how did such people look after themselves before they expected another human being to wipe their arse?

crazydoglady is either lying, not a parent, a man (quite likely - ridiculous comments about the ease of 'women's work' plus an overtly feminine name are often the sign of a flaccid penis flapping around like a wet windsock), or just extremely lucky and absolutely incapable of understanding that not all children, people or circumstances are the same.

It's one or more of those things, and personally I know what my money's on. But the one thing crazydoglady certainly is not, is right.

*DS is 6 months sorry, DP is 40

Yeah I think it’s completely reasonable, as long as he does the washing up and puts the dc to bed so you can put your feet up during this time

@Lauren83 that's actually lovely, you seem to have a very mutual partnership there. But your DP is willing to help out with the kids. I get the impression the OP's does not.

But your DP is willing to help out with the kids.

A person is not 'helping out' by parenting their own children while they are at home.