To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

[lucyloo345]

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

He sounds just like a CF builder lodger I had.

We were broken into. He helped me put a new lock on the door - I couldn't leave the house till it was fixed as all our stuff (including his) wouldn't be behind a locked door.

Also, our toilet broke. He said he had a spare part at work and could fix it, no problem. No mention of money either time.

When it came time to pay his rent, he took £100 off for both "jobs". I said WTF?

We had a huge row. He asked if I'd help him build a website without paying (my skill). I said yes, of course - money wouldn't even cross my mind, that's what friends do.

He said he even charged his own mum for work. I bet she did his laundry when he lived at home too (which he did before coming to us).

That was his last rent - I asked him to leave after that, because it's important to me that our lodgers are people I'd want as friends (most of them became friends). This guy was not someone I want as a friend.

I'd ditch him. He has different values to you, and doesn't have your best interests at heart IMO.

oh, just read about the washing you do. fuck that for a game of soldiers, get rid.

Ask him why he thinks it's fine for you to cook and do laundry for him, but he gets to charge when he helps you.

I'd be interested to know his response because there isn't an answer to this one that isn't bullshit.

So what's stopping a woman going from none bloke to another dependant on hat she needs fixing?

Nothing. Just nothing. Obviously. What a marvellous point.

Tell him you didn’t realise favours had a cost, so in future his washing, ironing and food will cost £x. Now that is petty...

Ask him why he thinks it's fine for you to cook and do laundry for him, but he gets to charge when he helps you.

That's perfect. Text him that. Throw in the doing favours for his family too.

he works for himself and takes sat and Sunday off

But he wouldn't be taking it off would he, if he's doing your decorating? IF he decided to work on his days off, he'd probably prefer to do a proper paying job rather than a freebie.

It's completely different to someone helping out - decorating is his business. It's not like someone who's good at IT helping with your computer problem. It's also presumably a full days job, not just a quick hour or so.

If you were living together then of course charging for decorating your joint home is out of order, but if he doesn't live with you, then it's just another job for him, and he's right to charge.

How do you not look petty? Why isn't he asking himself that question?

How would I tell him no to the washing?
Without looking petty?

Well, you could say "This relationship isn't working out for me" That would be one way to get him to do his own washing.

He is a CF and charging someone cash for work that you have been in a relationship with for 9 months (and essentially living part time with) is just not the done thing. He is just showing his true colours, get rid now. Dh is a tradesman and did lots of diy for me when we were first dating (far less than 9 months). He was repaid in kind :D But he would never have accepted money for it and would have been insulted at any mention of money, he did it because (a) he loved me (b) he wanted to help me (c) he maybe envisaged hopefully at one future point he would be living with me so really he was helping himself to a nicer home (d) he knew he would earn brownie points.

if he doesn't live with you, then it's just another job for him, and he's right to charge

He does effectively live with her half the week, rent free too.

He's a CF.

Also, if my OH saw hanging out with me and working together to decorate the house - something many couples do - as "just another job" then he'd be looking for just another girlfriend.

My BF is an osteopath. He treats me - free of charge - when I need it, because he loves me and wants me to be comfortable and happy. I've just done a couple of long-diatance drives to help his daughter move house - because I love him and want to help him and his daughter. That's the essence of a decent relationship - you want the best for each other.

This boyfriend sounds less than kind and generous.

Tell him he can put a wash on one evening when he is at yours if he wants, and hang it out in the morning before work. If he can't, why not? It's hardly time consuming washing for one. Red flags I think. Although I think I would give the benefit of the doubt and say something even like 'oh I realise now it was a bit unfair to ask you to do decorating on your day off, and that's ok, but I did feel it was a bit off that you quoted me rather than seeing it as a favour request' . How he responds is key.

I think you're being completely unreasonable but he is being unreasonable expecting you to do his washing. I would never ask my husband to do his 'work work' for me for free on his day off. Who cares if you're helping! It's work and everyone needs their days off.

The only thing I can think of is that he hasn't considered the fact that you wash and cook for him. It just might not have occurred to him. If you're going to raise it with him, I would mention that.

I would sit him down and say that you have thought carefully about the decorating and that you didn't realise that you were you were charging each other for things that you help each other out with...then I would refer to the washing and ironing that you do for him (I would include a sum of money that every load costs) as well as the fact that you didn't dream of charging for a lift to the airport. I would then ask him whether he would like to rethink his suggestion of charging you. If he still feels that you should pay him, I would give him the heave ho.

It’s his job/profession so I can understand him wanting paying tbh.

JellyBears but did you read he's living there rent free half the week, and the OP is doing his laundry and cooking for him. (Being looked after by his mum the other half of the time).

The least he should do is some decorating to say thanks, surely?!

He still lives at home at the min but his mum refused to do washing that's why I offered because he was moaning on that he didn't have time

Oh dear. This type of thing is more of a red flag than charging for the papering. What a lazy sexist useless tosser! I don’t understand what motivated you to offer to do it for him. The ball is in your court with this but I’d suggest not moving in together until you are sure about what you want out of a partner.

Wow and you have to provide materials on top of that. That is steep.that would be a deal-breaker for me. I would ditch the boyfriend and go with the professional. Not saying he should do it for free, mates rates and all that, very tight.

Actually, I know what I'd say to him:

"i'm surprised you want to charge, as I thought it would be a good opportunity for you to say thanks for all I've been doing for you. I've given you free rent for half the week plus washing and meals. If you'd rather we paid for things, then from now on you can pay me £x for rent & half board and, £y for washing & ironing services - sounds fair?"

This guy sees you as a stand in mum.

I was just about to comment the same as HellonHeels - I'm a physio and do craniosacral therapy. I would never dream of charging friends or a partner, although when I've done regular treatment for friends they've often bunged me a bottle of wine or something. Why is a decorator any different?

Start treating him like he treats you. He is a tightwad who is showing you who he is.charge him for washing and for staying with you, if he wants to be like that!

Yanbu! This is how you tell him

"I'm going to put the painting on the back burner for a bit so I can put money aside for it and get some quotes. I don't want to sound petty but it's made me realise we are on different pages, I thought as you were staying here 3 nights a week, eating dinners I cooked for you and I was doing your washing that these were signs we we're building a future together. The fact you want to charge me for helping me out on your day off to honest leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I hadn't got you down for someone who was happy to take but not give. Let's just go back to you doing your own washing at home, not eating here and staying less and see how it goes"

Remember he was not doing the job for you, you were doing it together on your days off. He sounds like a total leech!

I was just about to comment the same as HellonHeels - I'm a physio and do craniosacral therapy. I would never dream of charging friends or a partner, although when I've done regular treatment for friends they've often bunged me a bottle of wine or something. Why is a decorator any different?

It's different because it's not just half an hour - it's a full day at least. It's also his business - massive difference from a job. I'd happily spend half an hour helping a friend/relative, but no way I'd spend an entire day off.

Yanbu op!! This is a good preview into what he's about. My dh did many things for me while he was just my bf and never charged me for them. I would take a step back and really review whether its worth going on with someone like this.