To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

[lucyloo345]

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

It is his actual job tho. I bet he had a hundred people asking him to do it for free. Probably every girlfriend ever. Sounds like he was offering mates rates. Why shouldn’t you pay?

no way I'd spend an entire day off not even if you were working on it together, in a place you lived, rent-free, for half the week?

He's a total CF!

If he can't be bothered to spend a day helping his GF, he's not a keeper.

Just say no thanks. But the next time he asks for a coffee, quote him £2.95

I’d get rid of him too.

If get rid.
He doesn't have time to do his washing yet he gets every Saturday and Sunday off!!!!!!!

No seriously he is a user.
He doesn't pay you to do his washing, ironing, cooking.
No I'd bring this all up and tell him if expects you to pay him then you expect the same.
Actually I couldn't deal with this bollocks.
I think he's the one who gets far more freebies than you.

Raise your standards, OP.

You're already doing "housework" for free for him, and his washing (ew...) Just why?

Now, he wants to charge you hundreds for a bit of wallpapering in your hall.

I've heard everything now.

pacer op is his girlfriend and somebody he supposedly loves.he does her favours, and he lives with her half the week.

My dsil is a plumber. He never takes a penny for labour but we pay for materials and give him a couple of bottles of wine.

btw, £285 for a day's decorating, or have i got that wrong?

You need to dump him. He’s an idiot! Stop doing washing and cooking! It’s not an equal relationship, and will only get worse.

I know a fantastic P&D who charges £125 per day. He's amaze. Shall I send details

I would never dream of expecting my OH of 9 months to do t for free but I would also never dream of charge £285, which btw is a very random amount IME. I would say don't worry about paying and secretly hope for the offer of dinner and drinks or a token amount of £50.

YANBU

Christ op. You're doing his washing and ironing? And cooking? Are you living in the 50's?

How long have you been on Mumsnet? Because you clearly haven't read the number of threads where women have all the domestic drudgery, tight fisted husbands, and are worked to the bone at home for fuck all appreciation. Stop doing domestic shit for him. He's a grown bloody man.

Moaning that his mum wouldn't do his washing should've been enough of a turn off, never mind his tightness with money. There's a prescription for a dry vag.

I'd get rid of him immediately. Yuck.

How would I tell him no to the washing?
Without looking petty?

Tell him:

"When you asked me for £285 for the wallpapering it made me realise we have different ideas of what partners should do for each other. It feels like you don't value the care I take of you (cooking, washing, ironing) because if you did I think you would have wanted to do the wallpapering for me without a charge. To make things equal, I think it's best if you do your own cooking, washing and ironing. It's best if you do these things at your own place.'

Oh and those if you saying it's his days off, when do you think the ops washes, irons cooks and washed up for him?
Not during her working hours.

Just reading the posts, you were going to do the hall, and him the stairs, and provide all materials, and he is charging you £285. P!us he is at yours half the time and you do his washing and cooking. Time to dump the cheeky tightfisted b, and get different quotes in. That would!d be a deal-breaker for me, he is ripping you off.

"i'm surprised you want to charge, as I thought it would be a good opportunity for you to say thanks for all I've been doing for you"

Perfect

No need to add what all the help has been - he should know, and if he doesn't he's not worth it anyway. Just keep it to the simple remark above and see what the reaction is

I think it totally depends on the nature of the relationship, at 9 months in some people are still very casually dating, whereas others might be much more committed.

It sounds like you are more than dating - he is happy to stay over, enjoy your home, eat the meals you cook for him and let you wash his stuff. That suggests to me a level of sharing within the relationship, so that it would be fair for him to help you decorate as a partner rather than a professional.

Him wanting to charge when you already do lots for him is mean. I hate when people are tight with money and time, especially when they're happy to enjoy the generosity of others. To be honest it would be a deal breaker for me.

Wow doing his washing? I missed that bit. Get rid and stop being his maid. That puts a whole different spin. The relationship is quite serious then and he won't even do a bit of papering?

You are actually paying this man to have sex with you. Yes, you are, when you subsidise him to stay at your house for free and then do his washing as well. Being petty is the least of your worries. You are a total mug. Dump this sponger.

Exactly what shumpalumpa said. Personally even at 19 I found it unacceptable that someone’s mum do their washing if they didn’t live at home and made this very clear to dp, my then boyfriend. I would never take on a mans washing. Share the load yes, but mother a grown man? Ugh.

He is showing you his true self.

Nine months in and he can’t help you decorate your home - which he spends time in.

What a dick

Charging friends for your skill is a tricky path. I prefer to be on the side of generous with my own, while valuing other people's. Having said that --- partners/immediate family etc? These are people you are committed to and should always be generous with time and skill IMO.

Your BF seems to value his time more than yours. I'd be unable to get past that and agree that it's a red flag. I'm very good at painting and decorating and while it is a skill, it's not rocket science. I'm shit at ironing and see that as a worth-paying-for skill too.

DH is an electrical engineer with a electrician qualification. If we house swap/house sit for friends or family he'll usually take his kit in case there's a job that needs doing. One time we surprised friends by fixing their hallway lights that were failing. They returned to find we'd put a little ribbons over the light switches to cut and have the official light switch on. We paid for the new light fittings and LED bulbs as a present to them.

We didn't get charged for a mechanic's time because I'd used my life membership EH to get their family in free to a local castle. I insisted on paying something 'as a tip then' as my dad was a mechanic and I value that skill. They're newish friends and I don't want to take the piss.

I'm with Klutzy on this. He could be earning money decorating someone else's house in the time he is doing yours. If he doesn't work weekends why should he give a up a weekend doing what he usually gets paid for?

If she was a cleaner and occasionally tidied up at his house would she be able to then quote him an hourly rate?

When someone tells you who they are, listen.

Was going to say you wete being cheeky but thats before i heard hes been happy to take take take. PLEASE stop doing his washing and cooking for him. Just take a big step back. He sounds like a selfish using loser!

"How would I tell him no to the washing?
Without looking petty?"

You need to sit down and have a talk with him. Along the lines of... I was surprised you wanted to charge me at nearly full rate for the stairs and I would help too and we could make it fun. I was planning on giving you some money as I know spending your Sunday doing work isn't very ideal for you. I feed you three times a week, I do your washing and I do things like drive your sister to the airport without asking for money. If I'm honest I'm worried that you're not the kind of person I thought you were.