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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

523 replies

lucyloo345 · 06/08/2018 10:53

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

OP posts:
nellyolsenscurl · 06/08/2018 13:00

Tread carefully OP, he seems very tight. My cousin's DH is like this, he is a taxi driver and on his day off got a phone call from his elderly mother (who propped him up for years) because she had fallen and needed to go to hospital. When she got into the car he turned on his taxi meter, I mix you not.

LellyMcKelly · 06/08/2018 13:01

No way. Charge family and friends mates rates by all means, but not your partner. Mine works in IT - he does all my laptop security and upgrades for free. I give him free HR advice when he’s dealing with difficult staff members. We wouldn’t dream of charging each other.

eddielizzard · 06/08/2018 13:02

Please stop being his surrogate mum. Stop the washing. Stop the ironing. Stop the cooking. He's taking you for granted. Fun he may be. But cocklodger he may be too.

Karigan198 · 06/08/2018 13:02

Fire him and ask a friend instead. Just say I can’t afford that so @@@@@ is going to come and help. Make it a male friend too.

letsdolunch321 · 06/08/2018 13:04

What a CF .....

glueandstick · 06/08/2018 13:05

My husband is in IT. He doesn’t charge me to fix anything techy around the house...

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/08/2018 13:05

He still lives at home at the min but his mum refused to do washing that's why I offered because he was moaning on that he didn't have time.

Urgh, he sounds like a right knuckle dragger, you’re basically a replacement mum with bedroom benefits.

Dump him, you may love him but I don’t think it’s reciprocal. Sorry.

Original poster
lucyloo345 · 06/08/2018 13:09

How would I tell him no to the washing?
Without looking petty?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 06/08/2018 13:11

Who cares if you look petty?! He's the petty one.

OctaviaOctober · 06/08/2018 13:11

I'm just going to tell him I can't afford it at the min and il save up for a bit first

And it would help you save if you stop doing his washing, and stop buying him dinner half the week...

He's fun and you love him. That's great now, but he'll end up sucking the life out of you when you are his full time mother figure.

Tell him what you told us, you cook and wash for him, put him up in your house half the week, and do his family favours. You're not a client, you're his partner.

(By the way, if he works Mon-Fri and £285 for doing your hallway is his idea of mates rates, why can't he afford a place of his own?)

HannahnotAgnes · 06/08/2018 13:12

Oh Op, he's showing you his true colours, up to you now if you believe him.

FWIW, as an outsider looking in, he seems like he's totally taking the piss, completely tight arse & sounds quite sexist too. Glad his mum told him where to go with his washing & ironing.

Thebluedog · 06/08/2018 13:12

Rather than charging him from r the washing, just ask him to bring over a box of washing powder and some fabric
Softener if he wants his clothes done

NurseButtercup · 06/08/2018 13:12

It's just not on. You help each other if you're together, you don't charge for it.

I wholeheartedly agree, what's the point in dating someone with the view to building something lasting, if you can't help and support each other? You're helping him but you've got to pay him for his help?

And then, if he makes a mess of the work, because you're emotionally attached you can't say anything.

I personally would prefer to wait and save up to pay someone else. I would also think long and hard about my values versus his.

Softkitty2 · 06/08/2018 13:13

Can you see him as a husband? Its a clear indication of whats to come. If you get pregnant and stay home to look after children. He will give you £100 and expect all the bills to be paid, food shop and savings. Run.

DowntownDallas · 06/08/2018 13:13

How would I tell him no to the washing?Without looking petty?

Just tell him to do his own washing- he is welcome to use your facilities but he does his (and yours)

So when he brings it round- say great- put on the whites and here are a few of mine to go in as well.

WillowRose79 · 06/08/2018 13:13

yeah id be really shocked and annoyed!

Bluntness100 · 06/08/2018 13:14

Actually i find it odd you were going to pay him eighty quid. And odd he's tried to charge you nearly 300. The whole things weird.

My husbands an engineer, if I asked him to do something for me at that stage of the relationship id have not thought of paying him or expect to be charged.

Just say to him, "sure, I shall knock it off what you owe me for food and laundry, see you next week, bring your overalls funny guy".

And leave it there.

Ills88 · 06/08/2018 13:14

Maybe he is just winding you up? If he isn't he is a bit of a dick to be honest... I wouldn't mind buying all the materials etc but paying for the actual work just wouldn't be cool...

CrazyDaisy2018 · 06/08/2018 13:15

I am in finance and do my DP's accounts and tax returns every year for free. I wouldn't dream of charging him, even though I'm taking time out of my free time to do it.

I get a better birthday present than I would otherwise have done, but he realises I'm saving him over £1,000 a year and is grateful for my help.

Yours is not an equal relationship OP. He clearly doesn't place any value in what you do for him, probably because you're doing things that his mother now refuses to do (I wonder why - did he try and charge her for some DIY too?!).

Therealjudgejudy · 06/08/2018 13:17

Sorry op but you are sounding like a mug who is subsidising a selfish cocklodger in the making.

Tell him if he is willing to charge his partner to decorate, to even the scales you must charge for your cooking and laundry services. Or just dump him. Much easier.

Dysania · 06/08/2018 13:19

Why do you think his Mum stopped doing his washing? Was he taking the piss with her too?
Honestly, this would really change how I see him and the relationship as it shows how he views it.
You really need to have a long chat about how you both view a relationship. Is it a partnership or is it always going one way?
This is not a normal healthy relationship.
Stop cooking, stop washing and I would also pull back on the staying over until you get this issue resolved.
Have a look on the relationship threads to see how this will end up in a few years if things don't change.

EdisonLightBulb · 06/08/2018 13:19

I think its out of order personally, DD's BF is a ski instructor, when they go for a date together at the indoor slope should she pay him when he teaches her a new technique? Should she charge him when she teaches him how to cook (he can't cook but wants to learn)?

If your DP is a professional, he could do it for you in a quarter of the time it would take you, and you could labour for him and then treat him to a lovely meal or day out.

That IS acceptable.

BewareOfDragons · 06/08/2018 13:20

You're subsidizing a selfish arse who still lives at home with his mum ... and moaned when she stopped doing his laundry and ironing? So got you to do it. And spends a few nights a week at your place eating your food and sleeping in your bed.

Wow. He gets his laundry done, sex, a few night's away from mum's eyes while you pick up after him at your place ... and you get to split everything else 50/50 with him when you go out. Wow. What a prince.

I agree with others. Don't have children with this man: you'll be doing all the things for them, too, because he's 'too busy', and he'll be expecting your maternity pay to cover anything you or the kids need.

Stop doing his laundry. Just tell him you're going to pick up some extra hours to pay for a proper decorator to paint your walls.

serbska · 06/08/2018 13:20

How would I tell him no to the washing?Without looking petty?

Tell him its 50p for a self service wash and a fiver if he wants you to do it...

Kisbot · 06/08/2018 13:21

If you want an equal partnership where he respects you then you need to stop being a doormat.
Too busy to do his own laundry, stays over half the week for free and you cook for him. In return you get what?
Do you love him so much you’re afraid to say no in case he leaves? How good does that make you feel?
You seriously need to stop being a pushover that never ends well.
When someone loves you they don’t use you.
His mum is obviously fed up with him already.
Half the week you look after him and the other half his mum does. He’s a real charmer

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