To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

[lucyloo345]

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

I think a lot of the differences in response come down to whether people see him as your "partner" or not. If you were partners, living together or planning to, and his name was on the lease or deeds, then I'd feel differently. Nine months with no commitment being shown from either of you = dating in my book, not partners. He may feel the same way.

It's often problematic, getting friends, relatives and partners to do work we would otherwise pay someone else for, isn't it?

A good friend offered her bloke to do a building job we were getting quotes for. He said he'd do it for 'mates rates', so we got him round to have a look. The quote he gave was twice what all the other quotes we got were.

So we got someone else to do it.

Fuck that, you dont charge your partner.

My dh is also a painter, hes always painting for friends for a bottle or two of wine.

His workmate quoted his wifes best friend 400 to paint four doors, tight fisted twat.

The only one getting sly freebies is him, with the dinners and laundry and favours for his sister!

I would have said ‘You’re joking right? I asked for your help, not for a quote. You live here half the week, it costs you nothing, we are supposed to be a couple. Still, it’s good to know where I stand with you’. Then I’d have told him to leave MY house.

Twat.

You're defo not unreasonable!

You were quoted £350 for someone to do it all.

You are proposing you do the hall and your bf does the stairs and he's charging £285?

Works out better to pay an extra £65 and have someone do it all for you!

I assumed eventually we would move in together.
He still lives at home at the min but his mum refused to do washing that's why I offered because he was moaning on that he didn't have time.
I'm just going to tell him I can't afford it at the min and il save up for a bit first

Get him to do it for £200 then LTB.

He’s a CF. His mum refused to do his ironing so he got you to do it?!

Sexist pig too. Manly work of wallpapering gets full monetary value but womanly work of meals and ironing on a regular basis is free?

Next time he wants sex, you know what to do, CHARGE HIM, for services rendered

YANBU to find it a bit weird! A partner is totally different to a friend or non-immediate relation. I'm a tax accountant and did DH's tax return recently (even paid the submission fee for him! on my day off as well!).

It may just be that your partner's "love language" is very lacking in the "acts of service" area. Does he show affection in other ways? Love languages are maybe a bit gimmicky but I actually found them really helpful to look at and talk about with my DH.

Stop doing his washing etc. Either you help each other out or not.

Tell him you've decided it's for the best you pay someone else as you wouldn't want it to cause any issued if, for example, you weren't happy with it. Then crack on and do the bits you can yourself, and find someone else to do the rest.

YABU and this is verging on CF territory.
If he was living with you or you were engaged then fair enough but this isn't a bit of diy. He's working hard 5/6 days a week so on his precious time off, he should be allowed to rest or get paid to work. If you say, offer to do his book keeping in return, then fair enough.
It's like hairdressers being expected to do freebies for the family and friends. The only ones who don't pay are my DH and my DS.
Even my sister pays as I'm still doing her a favour if I'm doing it in my down time.

Lazy and tight. And sexist. Mmm what a catch he is...

Tell him that you don't charge him for all the stuff you do for him so you don't expect him to charge for the stuff you want him to do for you. If you can't talk to him openly about this then you don't have a worthwhile relationship anyway.

And why are you doing his laundry when he doesn't even live there?

I don’t even know where to start with this one. STOP doing his washing for free, of course he has time to do it. STOP letting him use your home for 3 nights a week for free. STOP providing him with free meals. He charges for his time, start charging for yours. He is one cheeky bastard that’s for certain.

I think whats irritated me about this guy also, is that 285 is very specific. It sounds worse to me than 250 or even 300. Like he's worked out exactly what "discount" he is willing to give to OP.

Please OP at least stop doing everything for him or you will end up very unhappy in the long term.

Lucy you will stop doing him favours such as washing won't you?

Keep your eyes wide open - it sounds incredibly likely that if you move in together and have a child he'll expect you to do his laundry and all the cleaning, shopping and cooking whilst looking after your joint child and paying a strict 50% of everything from maternity pay. Don't give up work, this man will not value the domestic work and childcare you do and will expect you to be grateful to live on fresh air and be his skivvy if you do...

What an arse! When I moved into my first house my then bf's best mate was a decorator and he came round with a couple of their other friends, got stuck in and did the lot for me. I just kept the fridge full of beer and their stomachs full of pizza.

I've helped so many friends in the past, with their tax returns, typing dissertations, stuffing envelopes for a HUGE mail shot that one of them had to do for work. I'd never dream of charging them, we usually fit in food, drink, a catch up and a few giggles. Helping friends at home is like the new going out now we're in our 40s.

Tell him you can't afford the decorating AND that you can't afford to subsidise his life by cooking and washing etc and that if he is staying over 3 nights a week he needs to contribute to rent and bills! Tell him his sister owes you £49 airport run fees!

Or he could do you a favour instead. You know, like a normal boyfriend would!

Ah, just seen the update that you do his washing, cooking and he stays over sometimes. I think that changes things and he needs to be more accommodating. Initially, you gave the impression you were just casually dating.

Sod that. I'd get rid. It's just mean behaviour. I'd never dream of charging someone close to me for helping them out. Ditto, DP has re-done walls, bathroom here when we'd only been together a few months and would never have dreamed of charging me.

It's just not on. You help each other if you're together, you don't charge for it.

YANBu, stop doing the washing now! His mum wouldn't do it and he didn't have 'time' but is off every weekend? Jesus he saw you coming!

I assumed eventually we would move in together.
He still lives at home at the min but his mum refused to do washing that's why I offered because he was moaning on that he didn't have time.
I'm just going to tell him I can't afford it at the min and il save up for a bit first

He sounds a right prince. Not.

OP, you haven't answered all the people asking if you're going to continue to cook and wash and iron for him?

JohnHunter Mon 06-Aug-18 12:47:29
Get him to do it for £200 then LTB.

This.

He still lives at home at the min but his mum refused to do washing that's why I offered because he was moaning on that he didn't have time.

OP you are a mug. How can he not see a favour for a favour. Don't be so desperate to have a boyfriend that you compromise yourself.