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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

523 replies

lucyloo345 · 06/08/2018 10:53

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

OP posts:
HouseworkIsASin10 · 06/08/2018 11:55

OP can you tell us any good points about him?

So far, he's tight as a ducks arse. Expects you to cook and do his washing, but won't do you any favours in return.

You need to up your standards.

timeisnotaline · 06/08/2018 11:58

Catching up on the feeding him etc - I change my view to exactly what Octavia says. And stop having him round for dinner, eat out/ go to his / getvtakeaway and split it.

NameChanger22 · 06/08/2018 11:59

Dump him and give him a bill for your cooking and cleaning services. If possible, video his reaction and post it to YouTube so we can all watch it.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/08/2018 12:00

Get rid of him. Do you charge him when you cook him a meal? Course not - he should care enough for you to do it for nothing (or, rather, for the pleasure of your company and you taking him out for a meal/pint/ offering him a few quid).

If you stay together he will be a financially controlling bastard. Get out now, while you can.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/08/2018 12:00

Cross-post Namechanger

Metoodear · 06/08/2018 12:00

No I think yabu because I bet he gets people trying to get sly freebies all the time

People in the trade do this to stop family memebers taking the piss

worridmum · 06/08/2018 12:04

I was a lawyer the number of times my family and friends came to me for advice and help them with a situation, when they did not want to pay for advice was insane.

What got my goat was a friend i helped with legal stuff for him is a plumber so i happily helped him out took 10+ hours to do it for him would not come out and help me fix my shower as he does not do work favours and he got most pissed off when he came and asked me to do some legal stuff for him and repeated word for word what he said to me.

But apprently legal knowledge if different to physical skills so i asked him the "favour" you are asking is going to take 5+ hours to do and yet you would not help me with a quickish job to help me with my shower.

He left pissed off because apprently i am a tight bastard for not helping him yet again for free when he point blank refused to help me.

Lindy2 · 06/08/2018 12:04

He's your boyfriend in a reasonably established relationship. (9 months not 9 weeks). He shouldn't be charging you to help you with jobs around your house. It's just not what a good partner does. The fact he wants you to pay him makes me very uncomfortable about your overall relationship.
Perhaps tell him that you've decided not to do it right now as you can't really spare £300 on top of the cost of materials. See what his reaction is then evaluate how you see your future together.
It says a lot about his personality and how much he is prepared to do for someone he supposedly is in love with. If your relationship progresses to marriage, children etc would he still feel you owe him if he "helps" you at all? I fear he might.

DowntownDallas · 06/08/2018 12:04

Klutzy are you really thinking that women calculate that they'll get into 9 month relationships with the premeditated intention to get a £300, or even £500 freebie from successive different tradesmen?

Well to be fair, one of my colleagues has dated a kitchen fitter, plumber and carpet fitter and each has worked for free on her house. She says that she needs a landscape gardener next and I don't think that she is joking.

She has amazing carpets.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 06/08/2018 12:05

£5 a load should cover the washing /ironing.
Meals @£5.99 - around pub grub price.
Use of amenities per night, B&B, next to me charges £30 a night.
Get adding up op, you are gonna be ££££ in.
He is a cf.

KC225 · 06/08/2018 12:07

I think your boyfriend is taking the piss. If he was loosing a day's work but he is not. 9 months a good way into a relationship. At that stage you do nice things for each other. What if you said, we'll do it together. You can be helping - music on having a laugh etc. You can order a nuce pizza etc.

His attitude would put me off. Its the worst kind of mean. Mean of spirit. One of the things Fiona Shackleton (top divorce lawyer) said recently in her marriage tips was an unkind person will not suddenly become knd after marriage - something like that.

Lindy2 · 06/08/2018 12:08

A friend asking for a freebe is different to a partner or close family member asking for a favour IMO.
I might charge a friend a small fee if I did professional work for them but never my mum, brother, partner. Those are the closest of relationships and favours are not chargeable!

Kismett · 06/08/2018 12:08

I can see where he’s coming from and he may have gotten sick of people trying to take advantage. On the other hand, that’s not the sort of relationship I’d want from someone nine months in either. I think you both view your relationship differently and it might be worth reassessing your future together because of that, not because one of you is being unreasonable.

mavismcruet · 06/08/2018 12:08

No I think yabu because I bet he gets people trying to get sly freebies all the time

But the op isn’t just people. She is his partner! It’s totally off in my book.

Your posts OP make it sound like he is holding you at a distance. I’d be questioning how much he really is into you. Sorry Flowers

LoniceraJaponica · 06/08/2018 12:11

"She is his partner! It’s totally off in my book."

She is his girlfriend - they don't even live together. However, since the OP's update about meals and washing I'm inclined to think he could have been a little more helpful.

I still think that asking to help with a big job like the hall and stairs is a big ask, and cheeky to assume that he will do it for free.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 06/08/2018 12:11

Wouldn't be seeing him in the same light sexually now op - he is thoughtless and miserly , wonder if he is in other areas?

lucyloo345 · 06/08/2018 12:15

It doesn't need to be papered no,it's been painted (I did it myself )
I always do things myself,I never ask anyone for favours not even my dad.
He does have good points.
He is fun and I just fell in love with him.

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 06/08/2018 12:17

Red flag. Run for the hills.

As for the small minority saying you are unreasonable 😂😂🙄

magoria · 06/08/2018 12:18

I was going to say YABU until your update.

If he is staying free of charge at yours nearly half the week without paying a penny and getting cooked for, washing done and ironing with paying a penny he owes you more than this in return. So gas, electricity, hot water etc. It all adds up.

I think you need to point this out to him.

He seems to like to take but not want to give in return.

magoria · 06/08/2018 12:20

*without paying a penny

FruitOnAPlatter · 06/08/2018 12:22

Sorry - but you live together and still do his washing and ironing?

I mean..

If it's casual enough that he'll charge you for helping you decorate, then it's casual enough that he can take his own washing back, or ask nicely to use your washing machine.

Personally, I need to be with someone who's generous but fair - eg. my current partner, where we just kept an internal count up and were reasonable with each other at first, then we put into a shared put, then he became a lazy toad who delegates all financial stuff to me so doesn't even know how much money is in his bank account or how to log into it :S. - vs. a guy who I went out with a few times who I knew it wouldn't work with when he had me transfer 6 quid for half a supermarket curry as soon as we got back to my place (bearing in mind whoever drove spent more than that in petrol getting to the other's place, and I'd not even thought twice about paying for takeaway another eventing).

Tight arses should stick together, sharers should stick together, because if you cross the beams, it's destined to end in petty arguments and dissatisfaction.

KC225 · 06/08/2018 12:22

Please please have a talk about this. Doesn't matter if you use him or not. Yes, go and get the materials but to be charged atvtbe rate is not on. He sees you as a but of a cash cow.

See it as a massive red flag. You seem to be doing all the giving - him not having to shop prepare or cook food is three days a week he can work longer, its three days a week he is not spending on his utilities and you are washing and ironk g and going g 50/50 on dates.

FeistyOldBat · 06/08/2018 12:23

That's a very reasonable price. He values his skills and time, maybe he wants to know whether you do. I ran my own business doing typesetting and other digital design work and was frequently asked by friends and acquaintances to do stuff I'd normally charge for. When I said it would take me x-hours and would cost £y on 'mates rates', they got very huffy and thought I was being unreasonable not to do it free. I was a single person, mortgage to pay and all the house upkeep, food, clothes, etc, finally I said no more – did they think Sainsbury's give me food for free – and stopped it.

Where else are you going to get the work done by a skilled craftsman for that price?

OTOH, I do agree with what others have said about the benefits he gets from your relationship. Typical man, really, he discounts the value of 'women's work' which saves him doing it, eating your food, doing his laundry, saving him some costs on energy, etc. I think you should point all that out to him and ask him if he'd reconsider charging you because you've already paid more than that. How he responds to you negotiating will tell you all you need to know about him, I think.

I wouldn't be prepared to tackle wallpapering anything bigger than a door panel, never mind a staircase wall, though, even if I weren't disabled, no way, paint only. Good luck with the negotiations. Smile

AFistfulofDolores1 · 06/08/2018 12:23

I'd expect to pay him, and would offer - particularly because that's his job. I often charge my friends for doing what I do.

FruitOnAPlatter · 06/08/2018 12:25

£5 a load should cover the washing /ironing.

And the rest: 2:40/shirt, 14:50 for folded 5kg service wash...

www.ihateironing.com/prices/

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