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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

523 replies

lucyloo345 · 06/08/2018 10:53

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

OP posts:
lily2403 · 06/08/2018 11:25

My OH would never charge me for helping as he would suddenly start getting invoices for the stuff i do for him hahahaha
what a bloody cheek
partners, parents, children i wouldn't charge, i would help.

Friends etc will do homers for me but at a cut price £285 is really steep especially if you are helping

DoloresTheNewt · 06/08/2018 11:25

OP, I do kind of understand where you are coming from, but if you really wanted to understand his point of view, just imagine what responses you'd get if you put your post on a building trades forum. "Dear forum, I've been going out with this bloke for nine months and he won't give up his entire weekend to work for a fiver an hour doing my common parts. Is he being a big meanie?"

I'm a little bit mixed on this, because I kind of get what the other posters are saying, but I think £80 is a bit of CFery, to be absolutely honest. Have you offered to do anything reciprocal?

allertse · 06/08/2018 11:26

He is BU

IMO he should either do it for free (well, cost of materials etc obviously and a nice meal together after or something!) or say he doesn't want to work on a weekend (which is fair enough, and then you could have offered some money if you'd rather him do it as a job than do it alone or pay someone else). Charging you basically full rate isn't what you do for a partner IMO.

LoisWilkerson1 · 06/08/2018 11:26

Can I add that for many self employef people, work for people they know can make up a huge chunk of their jobs, they cant under charge everyone. But partners? My dh wouldn't dream of asking me for money. Even in the early days of our relationship.

harshbuttrue1980 · 06/08/2018 11:27

You've only been together 9 months and aren't living together, so I disagree with the poster who compared it to doing a job for your "nearest and dearest". For me, it depends on how long is was going to take. I'm not "handy" at all, so I'd happily ask a friend or boyfriend to do something like put a shelf up (e.g. 30 minutes of work) and would cook dinner in return. However, asking someone to give up a weekend day to work all day for you for £80 is just too much.
I'm a teacher, and I wouldn't appreciate a boyfriend expecting me to give up a full weekend to tutor him in my subject, as I just don't want to work at the weekend.
By saying you expect "perks" you sound a bit selfish - what "perks" does he get from you?? Surely you just enjoy each other's company instead of getting "perks". So on the whole, I think you were being a cf, and him quoting you a high rate is his way of saying he doesn't want to do it.

Wedontbelievewhatsontv · 06/08/2018 11:27

Naahh... some can try n justify this all you want but seriously?? There's a lack of generosity of spirit that would be a huge flag for me and it doesn' t bode well for the future. So... 3 years down the line and he's become a taxi driver ...does he charge you a fare as he takes you to hospital to give birth to your pfb??😂Bin him

ShumpaLumpa · 06/08/2018 11:28

Not sure £285 is full rate. We paid £300 for two small rooms. This is a bloody hall and stairs!

Just get it painted if it's so expensive OP.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 06/08/2018 11:29

I would be so taken aback I would knock him off his ladders....

Then ltb.

Xenia · 06/08/2018 11:29

It's why I don't do free or any work at all for friends - best not to mix the two. If i were he I would just show you how to do it or just keep out of it.

harshbuttrue1980 · 06/08/2018 11:29

Lois, 9 months of dating, not living together or engaged don't make a "partner" in everyone's book. If he's her "partner" then of course he should decorate, as he would be on the deeds of the flat and would share in any rise in value from the place being well decorated! Nine months? Boyfriend and girlfriend, not partner.

Mousefunky · 06/08/2018 11:30

How far could this go really. If you were dating a taxi driver for example and asked them to drive you to the shops, would they charge you for the journey? He’s being ridiculous and grabby. Tell him his help won’t be necessary and do it yourself.

MadeForThis · 06/08/2018 11:30

After 9 months you should know how serious you are about him.

If it's a serious relationship then he is bvu.

If it's a bit of fun I would still have expected him to help. But I wouldn't be as offended if he said no.

If he wanted to charge me I would LTB

Mari50 · 06/08/2018 11:31

Hmm, I’m a bit on the fence here too. I’ve been seeing someone with a trade for the same time and there’s no way I’d ask/expect him to do a relatively large job like that for nothing.
But it’s not exactly mates rates when you’re buying the materials and paying £285 either......

Also I’m not sure if you were an accountant and came on here to discuss how your self employed partner of 9 months was wanting you to do his tax returns for free you’d get the consensus of ‘yeah that’s absolutely fine, you shouldn’t be charging him a penny for your professional time’

BasicUsername · 06/08/2018 11:31

I think it's bizarre that he is going to charge you.

You are his girlfriend, it's totally different to a friend or extended family member. Partner, parent or child shouldn't be charged anything other than cost of materials IMO.

If I were you, I'd do it myself or pay someone else the going rate, paying him would likely make you feel rather bitter, with good reason.

As another person said, it shows a lack of generosity of spirit, that would lead me to call in to question other areas of his personality.

Celebelly · 06/08/2018 11:31

I think it's a bit miserable. It's a one-off weekend and if I had a skill that could help my OH who needed something done, then I would do so. In fact my OH is an IT bod and has done a lot of things for me and my family without asking for money!

I think if you were asking him to do stuff on a regular basis or a really massive job that meant he couldn't do paid work then asking for payment wouldn't be unreasonable, but one weekend? Miserable sod.

RedPony1 · 06/08/2018 11:33

Hmm...
I've a friend that's a plasterer, should he plaster my walls for nothing?

I dated a plasterer for a few years, he often done odd jobs for myself and family at the cost of materials. It's a nice thing to do for your partner as long as it doesn't take them away from paid work!!

ShumpaLumpa · 06/08/2018 11:33

So... 3 years down the line and he's become a taxi driver ...does he charge you a fare as he takes you to hospital to give birth to your pfb??😂Bin him

A girlfriend of 9 months is very different to a partner of 3 years who is pregnant with your baby.

I

InfiniteSheldon · 06/08/2018 11:33

It's a big job you're massively underestimating the time effort and cost he's charging you less than half it would cost you I think he's being quite generous

PeanuttyButter · 06/08/2018 11:33

If I was in his shoes I’d probably want a token gesture of £100 or something but £285 is a joke.
I’d rather pay a ‘professional’ for that priceso that it gets done in a timely manner and to a standard I expect. Usually mates rates there’s less come back if it’s not up to the standard you want. Or bits get skipped that aren’t essential and you have no say. I’d watch him though he seems selfish

HermioneGoesBackHome · 06/08/2018 11:33

I agree about not doing jobs for friends and family in general.
But for a girlfriend/boyfriend?? Really?? Unless they have been together for a couple of weeks or it’s a very very casual relationhsip, then I think it’s mean.
Besides, it’s hardly a reduced rate which I would at least be expecting.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/08/2018 11:34

I wonder how many girlfriends friends have used hi in the same way before.

BonnieLass5 · 06/08/2018 11:34

Wow. Ditch him.

You didn't even need to be offering him the £80.

RideOn · 06/08/2018 11:34

9 months in, I think I would be expecting to pay for all materials but I think I wouldn't be expecting to pay him (unless this is a very casual relationship), I would definitely be there and help, have it prepared etc, I'd be paying him back with something like tickets somewhere, or a trip away or something.
I'd also be prepared to spend a day (without being payed) helping a bf 9 months into a relationship.

DoloresTheNewt · 06/08/2018 11:35

harshbuttrue yeah, that "perks" comment struck me as being in rather bad taste. Particularly since everyone else is going on about how grabby the bloke's being. Sounds more like they need to negotiate to see which grabby CF blinks first.
Mari50 exactly (re spending a weekend doing a self-employed BF's books after only 9 months of going out).

SandAndSea · 06/08/2018 11:35

I agree that everyone hates a cf etc etc but he's supposed to be your partner.

I think he's telling you (possibly without realising it) that he's not invested in your relationship. I would end it. Don't waste another second.

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