To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

[lucyloo345]

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

You’re absolutely right, nothing funny about a free veg box. I’ll get my coat

you seriously put your lodger out because he charged you for fixing things in the house

No, I put him out because he was a total arse about it. This was the last straw in a list of things tbh, but it was this that pushed me over the edge and said - actually, no, I don't want to live with you.

If he'd been upfront about costs, I could have decided (and no way would I have agreed £50 to spend 10 minutes helping me secure the house! I would have asked DP to come home instead).

To assume he could just take £100 off his rent was total cheeky fuckery.

Then when he then went on about how he'd charge his own mum for favours cemented the idea that we were never going to get on.

When we had lodgers, they were welcome to use the whole house as if it was theirs and - if they wanted to - we ate meals together and often socialised together. I didn't want to live with people I considered an arse. That's my prerogative. He's the only lodger I ever asked to leave. I'm pretty tolerant about most stuff, but this guy was a piss taker.

I am changing my mind about him with every update from the OP. If he is getting free board and lodging, plus laundry services then he is the CF here.

raisins
I agree you built this guy a website for free. How come favours only work one way just because this guy happened to be your lodger?

My techy dp is yet to charge me for fixing my computer (or creating, maintaining and hosting a website for my hobby actually). I have also never charged him for looking after him when he is sick or helping out with care for his side of the family (I am a nurse).

I would not expect to pay my partner, I would expect to lavish them with thanks, pay for a nice meal, and I'll them out in turn when they need it.

I think his response to charge you the going rate is very telling as to how he views you and your relationship.

After 9 months, he should have a good idea about how much he loves you/wants to be with you.

I'd take a step back from this relationship as there is no way he views you as a keeper.

Just my view though.

I don't think that this is an immediate LTB. I think after a talk if he still feels the same way then you both know where you stand and can decide whether you are compatible. This might be how things have been done in his family and he doesn't know another way.

I'm with @Babymamaroon. He's a cheeky sod. Is he normally pretty tight with money? You've asked for the help of your boyfriend, not for him to professionally decorate it by himself. You're providing the materials, he's just helping. He should be more than happy to help you. My ex gave me lots of financial advice but didn't charge me despite it being his job.
This would make me seriously reconsider the relationship. He sees helping you as a business transaction. That's not very romantic now is it??

poor OP.

i hope you don't feel inundated - or even worse attacked - with all these posts telling you how wrong it is for him to ask for this money from you .

but honestly, he doesn't sound that nice . it doesn't sound like he has serious intentions at all. probably for you to time to move on?

Just say you've thought about what he said about you having to pay to do the papering and he's absolutely right. It is too early to be taking advantage and expecting him to help out with household chores as though you are an old married couple and therefore you are sorry you have been insulting him by washing and cooking for him without letting him contribute. From now on each wash is x and each meal is x and both need to be booked and paid for a week in advance. His current balance is £x which he can pay next time he comes round.

My ex volunteered me to make his DCs birthday cake because I used to have my own business. He said he'd pay me. I said that wasn't necessary so he said he'd pay for the ingredients. The cake took me 4 hours and cost around £25 in ingredients and materials but I wouldn't let him pay me for it. It would have felt wrong. I considered it a gift. He did things for me, I did things for him. At that point we'd been dating 6 months and saw each other once or twice a week and had been on a couple of short holidays.

My BIL used to charge my elderly mum for doing diy bits and bobs for her and my sister charged for petrol to travel 4 miles to babysit. Stingy bastards that I'm NC with. My mum no longer asks them for help because at once time Sunday lunch was enough of a reward then he started charging money.

Someone who lacks generosity of spirit is not someone I could have in my life.

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit

You were right to bin him - he sounds awful. Also it was outrageous to start charging you for help around the house after the fact.

Your relationships not going to be fun once you have a tightwad to contend with, it will make you more resentful.

Wow! With every update I dislike him a little more.

He is a complete CF!
He obviously doesn't value you which isn't a problem now that you know, because YOU value you! (Yes, you do!)

This is my first LTB.

Hold your head up high and dump his arse. Make sure you tell him why too. (I'd also be very tempted to give him a bill for all the meals, laundry etc.)

(Btw, IMHO, there are very good reasons why you shouldn't pay halves for everything. You need to ascertain early on how generous he would be to you if you had to give up work to raise his chn. Lucky for you, you've found out anyway.)

Op, you have told us the many things you do for him,what does he do for you.it seems as though the one thing you ask him to do, he charges you, and full whack too. Nice op, I would!d not have him live with me at all or move in with him, run for the hills.

I don't think anyone should be expected to do their job for free - but if you are his GIRLFRIEND, that seems harsh to charge you!

I used to know someone (in the early 1990's,) who sold bits and bobs to his girlfriend, (like records/video tapes/ornaments etc,) and took the money from her. I found it so bizarre. They were together 5 years-living together for 2, and had 100% separate finances.

They married after 7 years together. Divorced after 9 years. She could no longer stand his stinginess.

It would be a red flag for me. I flat out would not tolerate a mean and tight-arsed man. I don't want a man to pay for everything, or pay MORE than me, but this kind of tight behaviour would finish it for me. It doesn't bode well for a long-term relationship IMO.

Erm LTB. My bil has just wallpaped my whole kitchen, 9 hours work, he asked for £25!!

He isn't serious about you I'd think. If its their profession & its a serious relationship or getting serious, you offer a nominal amount for their time & usually it's "don't be stupid" :because you do stuff for each other if it's your 'thing' rather than theirs. I've Lettings experience so sorted an ex's shit Landlord & did odd bits of admin for his on the side freelance stuff. He was IT/Electrical Engineer so sorted my mobile & Wifi probs. (I'm useless at IT).

Nah that's bullshit. When OH and I got together I'd broken my car wing mirror (we'd been together about a week and I hadn't fixed it yet). He bought me a new one and fitted it and never mentioned the cost!! Then my bulb went a couple of weeks later and he replaced that too without even mentioning it. I owned a cleaning business and cleaned his flat for nothing. Wouldn't dream of charging each other!! That doesn't set a good precedent for a relationship does it? Seems like it would end up asking for gifts to be returned if you split and I HATE that. I've bought OH some expensive gifts but they're HIS to keep regardless of our relationship status!

Imagine your boyfriend was a cook. Would he charge you every time he prepared dinner?
In a couple, there is mutual help, you help with his washing and occasional ironing, he helps around the house too, in this case, helping you paint a tricky staircase.

Not exactly sure how you can approach the topic, but this is a discussion that needs to be done before the couple can get any further, because once you live together, finance will be an every day matter. From buying the milk to paying rent or bills.

Maybe ask what makes a couple a couple. It is not only the sex, but the feeling, emotions and being there for each other in case of need.

My husband agrees he’s being a tight arse and he would have thought he would do it for nothing. He is even more taken aback at the fact you cook and wash for him. It’s hardly a fair relationship then is it

👍🏻

DontDrink 😂

Peanutty but what do YOU think?

@klutzy my parents went away recently and my husband refitted their bathroom and kitchen including all painting decorating and electrics etc (they paid his electrician) it probably cost us money as he went over their budget to make it really high spec (fitted a small downlight under the bath which meant building a different frame and more tilong than was necessary, because she is ill and often gets up for the loo in the night and the bright lights hurt her eyes). he also missed out on two weeks paid work to do this! So yes i think charging family/partners is not on!

My OH is a builder. We live together. I paid him the going rate (well, mate's rates) to redecorate my house. It's our home but my house. I asked him to do this, and wanted to pay him, because he's a professional and I wanted a professional job done. So I paid a professional.

OP, you're not asking him as a boyfriend, you're asking him to give up his time and use his professional expertise to do a job that you can't do. Pay him.