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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to have told my son to leave my house and never come back.

227 replies

solopam · 05/08/2018 14:13

My son recently turned 16 and I have never really had any bother from him apart from general teenage strops etc but this weekend he has really pushed me to my limit

sorry for long winded but alot has happened

He broke up with his girlfriend last week im not sure of the reasons as he wouldnt tell me, early Friday morning i was woken up with the front door closing when I went to investigate it was my son, I thought he was coming in even although he had been in his bedroom when I had gone to bed, I looked out and saw a girl (not his ex) leaving our garden so then realised the door had been opened for her to leave rather than for him to come in. I asked him what was going on but he told me it was none of my business and went to his room.

Later on I asked him again who the girl was and why she had been in our house until that time in the morning and reminded him that he was not allowed to have girls staying over, he got angry and told me to stay out of his business and stormed out. I called his father (we are separated) he said he would speak to him.

Son came home that evening and half heartedly apologised I told him that it was not to happen again and as far as I was concerned that was it forgot about.

Yesterday afternoon son came in with ex girlfriend and they told me they have got back together, I was pleased as shes a really nice girl and there has never been any issues between them apart from breaking up last week (I still don’t know why) they spent the afternoon in my house and then they went out for the evening.

I went to bed and woke up at 2am and could hear them having sex it was really loud they were literally making no attempt to to hide it, I knocked on his door and they went quiet and my son shouted 2 mins and then opens his door and all I could smell was alcohol from him, I asked him what was going on but he could barley string a sentence together he just kept laughing, the girl who was with him was not his girlfriend, I told her to leave and told my son to get to bed as I didnt think there was any point speaking to him the state he was in. I sat up the rest of the night worried because of how drunk he was. the girl that was in his room I am sure wasn’t the girl who had left on Friday morning and its not his girlfriend.

I woke my son up this morning and asked him what the hell he thought he was playing at he got angry and I got angry and I ended up telling him to get out and not come back, I called his father but be basically cant see the problem with whats happened he just thinks that he’s a teenager and is bound to get drunk and sleep with girls and that I was wrong to throw him out

OP posts:
ShumpaLumpa · 06/08/2018 13:51

To all you people saying that the OP post is wrong what would your say if DC was a girl bringing 3 different partners in over a week would you all be say it's ok for her to behave like this or would all be agreeing with OP.

I suspect you will get a resounding silence to this question.

hungryhippo90 · 06/08/2018 13:55

Rainy September- I felt that at that point they were mostly loving, the situation surrounding being chucked out was different, but the point is at that age you are going through changes, at the cusp between childhood and adulthood, to have been chucked out, even if to the other parents house can do emotional damage.

I think as parents we need to be consistent with our children, we can’t make them doubt that their home is where it’s always been, whilst making it clear that we can’t have them acting the way OPs child was in their home.

hungryhippo90 · 06/08/2018 13:56

Shumpalumpa- not right or respectful whatever gender the child is.
I wouldn’t want it happenning whether my child was a boy or girl.

RainySeptember · 06/08/2018 13:57

"I think as parents we need to be consistent with our children, we can’t make them doubt that their home is where it’s always been, whilst making it clear that we can’t have them acting the way OPs child was in their home."

I agree. Hopefully op is making headway on that this afternoon.

SugarIsAmazing · 06/08/2018 13:59

Nothing much to say about the post other than I like a pp's idea about the embarrassing sex talk Grin

But I do dislike this saying your home is your safe place Hmm It makes me want to be sick. It's really not about the OP feeling safe in her own home, is it?!

Ionlylookatthepictures · 06/08/2018 14:31

I can’t believe how many posters who are jumping up and down about this poor baby child Are also quite ok with this child shagging three women in three days! Make your minds up FGS.

bringbacksideburns · 06/08/2018 18:20

I'm ignoring the hysterical fruitloops and the people that STILL don't read threads properly, even when up to 8 pages to say...

OP - hope the talk goes well. Give him a hug and tell him you love him.

Issue here appears to be he's not very happy with his GF - his behaviour is out of character. He's with other girls, drinking etc and thinking it's acceptable to bring them home to stay without telling you.
You have a five year old child.
It's selfish and inconsiderate.
Condoms, STDs and emotions have to be discussed.

He needs to be single at the very least if he thinks he's doing nothing wrong.
And he needs to respect the house rules.

heydo · 06/08/2018 18:26

I can’t believe how many posters who are jumping up and down about this poor baby child Are also quite ok with this child shagging three women in three days! Make your minds up FGS.

^Indeed.

LeighaJ · 06/08/2018 18:42

I was reading a thread earlier about a guy who was sleeping with the mother of his child and another girl at the same time and the latter was likely unaware of the pregnant woman (The OP of the thread).

I couldn't help but think of this thread and that maybe growing up into a cheating DB that treats women like disposable garbage is what the OP in this thread wants to prevent in her son.

Both of my husband's parents called him out individually on some of his viewpoints on women when he was in his early 20's and it made him re-evaluate his opinions (for the better). Had they minded their own business then he probably would have thought there was nothing wrong with his beliefs.

roomy212 · 06/08/2018 19:13

I really can’t believe a pp said that op should have used a form of punishment like taking away xbox, changing wifi password, I don’t think its computer games this boy is interested in.

If I found out my dd was in a room with a drunk boy having loud sex and his parents knew about it Shock hey its ok they changed the wifi password lol I would be fucking fuming, these are childish punishments for children this boy is acting like a an adult

OP let us know how your chat went today 😊 hope everything has been ironed out.

Original poster
solopam · 06/08/2018 20:12

My ex came round this evening without my son, he has had a long talk and my son asked him to come and speak to me as he said he is too embarrassed to tell me things.

He told his dad that he fell out with his girlfriend because some boys they know from school were telling people that he was gay, then his girlfriend told some people that she has never slept with him and she agreed that he must be gay

son was angry at her for denying having had sex with him even although they have so he split up with her and as far as I can make out word got around their peers that son is gay and lied about sleeping with his girlfriend

He told his dad that it was the same girl that was here both nights and he thought that if he slept with her people would find out and they would stop calling him gay.

I have just called my son and he was upset on the phone, I have told him to get his butt straight home for a cuddle. He is on his way.

OP posts:
ShumpaLumpa · 06/08/2018 20:20

Good news OP! Sounds like the time at his dad's was helpful to him.

He has also learned that you won't tolerate rude, drunken behaviour.

itwaseverthus · 06/08/2018 20:23

So glad your son has opened up about this. God, kids can be so nasty! At least your exh has managed to dig deeper too, rather than his knee jerk initial response. I think, although you flew off the handle, your shock to his system seems to have brought things to a much needed head.

TillyTadpole · 06/08/2018 21:09

So pleased your ds had the courage to talk about his angst. Hopefully you will both be able to make a fresh, new start and get back on track now. Teenagers! Arghhh... They are a species of their own....

Wishing you and ds all good wishes OP. So glad it's sorted xxx

Userplusnumbers · 06/08/2018 22:50

Wow. Your poor DS. Imagine how much sooner this could have been resolved if you'd have behaved like an adult.

RainySeptember · 06/08/2018 23:14

There's always one isn't there, can't cope with a happy ending after predicting domesday, got to get a little dig in - 'I was right, I was.' Would probably be delighted if OP's ds had burnt the house down, run away and turned to a life of crime.

roomy212 · 06/08/2018 23:33

Sorry to hear your ds is being bullied but glad you two have patched your argument over Thanks

KittyHawke80 · 07/08/2018 04:43

Rainy - you are, as Marisa Tomei would say, ‘dead on balls accurate’. Spot on.

actualpuffins · 07/08/2018 04:51

So what if he was gay though? Why is this even considered a term of abuse?

Greenyogagirl · 07/08/2018 04:56

YABU 16 is a really difficult age, ok it’s not nice hearing him having sex but it is legal. Drinking isn’t but to be fair it’s pretty common at 16. I think you should speak to him when you’re both calm, set out some ‘house rules’ but be aware that it might mean him doing the same things but elsewhere

Greenyogagirl · 07/08/2018 04:58

Sorry just caught up.
Glad you’ve made up.
How is being gay still an insult, it’s so mainstream now.

Ionlylookatthepictures · 07/08/2018 08:37

I’m really surprised that 16 year olds are being bullied for being gay- that sounds like 12 year old behaviour. As greenyogagirl says, it’s really mainstream now.

Moving forward op I hope your ds finds some new friends and dumps this girl for good. What a shame she turned out to not be the girl you thought she was!

PenelopeShitStop · 08/08/2018 11:32

We have teenagers. Them bringing home various randoms to shag wouldn't be allowed in this house. And it's certainly not considered typical behaviour in our social circles.

roomy212 · 08/08/2018 18:55

I would love to know if all the people normalising this behaviour have ever had teenagers. it's not normal and it's not acceptable

Ethylred · 08/08/2018 21:29

You're being a nightmare OP.

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