AIBU to have told my son to leave my house and never come back.

[solopam]

My son recently turned 16 and I have never really had any bother from him apart from general teenage strops etc but this weekend he has really pushed me to my limit

sorry for long winded but alot has happened

He broke up with his girlfriend last week im not sure of the reasons as he wouldnt tell me, early Friday morning i was woken up with the front door closing when I went to investigate it was my son, I thought he was coming in even although he had been in his bedroom when I had gone to bed, I looked out and saw a girl (not his ex) leaving our garden so then realised the door had been opened for her to leave rather than for him to come in. I asked him what was going on but he told me it was none of my business and went to his room.

Later on I asked him again who the girl was and why she had been in our house until that time in the morning and reminded him that he was not allowed to have girls staying over, he got angry and told me to stay out of his business and stormed out. I called his father (we are separated) he said he would speak to him.

Son came home that evening and half heartedly apologised I told him that it was not to happen again and as far as I was concerned that was it forgot about.

Yesterday afternoon son came in with ex girlfriend and they told me they have got back together, I was pleased as shes a really nice girl and there has never been any issues between them apart from breaking up last week (I still don’t know why) they spent the afternoon in my house and then they went out for the evening.

I went to bed and woke up at 2am and could hear them having sex it was really loud they were literally making no attempt to to hide it, I knocked on his door and they went quiet and my son shouted 2 mins and then opens his door and all I could smell was alcohol from him, I asked him what was going on but he could barley string a sentence together he just kept laughing, the girl who was with him was not his girlfriend, I told her to leave and told my son to get to bed as I didnt think there was any point speaking to him the state he was in. I sat up the rest of the night worried because of how drunk he was. the girl that was in his room I am sure wasn’t the girl who had left on Friday morning and its not his girlfriend.

I woke my son up this morning and asked him what the hell he thought he was playing at he got angry and I got angry and I ended up telling him to get out and not come back, I called his father but be basically cant see the problem with whats happened he just thinks that he’s a teenager and is bound to get drunk and sleep with girls and that I was wrong to throw him out

I wish i got as much sex...

Girl or boy, i’d be dubious about the kind of person who would go back to someone’s parent’s house for sex, especially for a one-night stand. There’s a huge amount of disrespect from your ds and his “guests”.

Anyone seen Trainspotting?!

I have a fifteen year old, and if he was bringing home multiple girls to have sex , I'd sit down in his bedroom and talk to whoever was there about safe sex, pregnancy and stds. Every time.

OP tried to talk to him but he got angry, told her it was none of her business and stormed out.

Because a couple of times doing that and there's no fucking way he'd bring another one home!

Yes because you're such a perfect parent

Unless your son shags three different girls in 3 days in your home then you have no right to be judging OP for her reaction colditz

We all know how we think we would react, the reality is often different.

And OP knew her son could go to his dad's, she hardly threw him out on the streets. And she regrets it. But it may be the kick up the bum the son needs.

@Uzicorn the way i read that suggestion was that it would be done as a way to embarrass (and educate) both kids. Embarrassment does work most times when dealing with teens. Even if the boy didn't care, I don't think many girls would be happy to go back to a house where she was lectured about sex and sexual safety.
Tbh most kids would shape up after a few middle of the night,half naked,coitus interuptus "now kids,this is how you properly put a condom on" talk.

Yeah, she threw a 16 year old boy out at 2am and told him not to come back. I WILL judge her.

@colditz she didn't do it at 2am, it was this morning AFTER attempting to talk to him and him having none of it.

What?! I thought she told him in the morning to get out? After he's sobered up but still refused to discuss it?

Cross post

Good lord some of you have diabolically low standards of behaviour for your sons. And you wonder why men father children with no consequence and women expect nothing from their multiple "babydaddys". Christ it's depressing.

Op you've over-reacted but your point is valid.

I have excruciatingly high standards of behaviour, actually. They way to enforce those standards is not to make a child homeless though. I hold myself to the same standards, if not higher, than those I hold my children to.

How utterly revolting to talk of "multiple babydaddies".

Op I feel you, no way do you deserve the bashing you have received on this thread. Yes, it was shocking to say leave and never come back, but I don't believe you meant it and just said it in the heat of the moment.
Judging by the bulk of the responses saying that its perfectly normal behaviour for a 16 year old boy?? Parenting standards really have slipped over the years haven't they. Shows why there is such a problem with the amount of respect many men show towards the female population.

I would suggest as his father thinks it's ok behaviour then he can step up and have his son live with him and put up the behaviour.

OP has spoken to her son and been rude and obnoxious she doesn't have to live with it, whether teenagers are having sex left, right and centre doesn't mean he gets to ignore all the house rule because he wants too.

Agreed. I have high expectations of my son too...but I also live in the real world and understand that he will push boundaries and make errors of judgement. Educating him is surely more productive than losing my shit and throwing him out.
Ffs.

I think there's a distinction between normal and acceptable behaviour. I think OP's DS's behaviour is clearly not acceptable, in terms of being normal it's definitely not great and is worse than average but I wouldn't say it's outside the range of normal.

I think the same.

Op where is you ds now? Get him home speak to him and let him know his behaviour will not be tolerated

You may have overreacted but I think I would have been the same

16yo should not be out drinking and bringing strange multiple partners home to have sex with

His dad is not helping the situation with his attitude and his poor girlfriend will need to be informed that she will need to get checked for sti's

You are not a bad parent you stayed up all night conceded about your drunk ds and overreacted as you care about him and were probably tired too

Please update us as I have been following this post since the start

I think it's terrible behaviour. I would be ashamed if that was my son.

colditz op didn't throw her son out at 2am, nor the 'young girl', who was asked to leave and called for a lift. OP did speak to her ds in the morning and things escalated so I doubt there was time for an STD etc chat but how do you know they've not had that chat in the past anyway?

"What part of throwing a 16 year old out in the middle of the night and telling him to never come back as a reaction to normal teenaged behaviour is going to keep HIM safe, or is in HIS best interests?

You have behaved in a stupid and selfish way."

Pp saying that this is normal behaviour for a 16yo boy and that she should not have intervened while they were having sex are totally wrong

If I found out my 16yo daughter was in a room with a drunk boy having sex loud enough for the parents to hear and the parents done nothing about it then I would be furious with the parents as well as my daughter and their son. Op done the girl a favour imo even if she was turfed out in the middle of the night as the boy obviously had no emotional attachment to her if she is one of his many sexual partners

When so many people think it's normal for a 16 year old to bring random drunk girls home for sex in his mum's home is it any wonder the world's going to shit?
It was an overreaction to tell him to never come back however in no way is it right for a 16 year old to behaving this way.

I would suggest as his father thinks it's ok behaviour then he can step up and have his son live with him and put up the behaviour.

Actually if I was the other parent and heard talk of making my child homeless as a solution to undesirable behaviour and/or ex not getting their own way I would want them living with me fucking ASAP.

He wouldn't be homeless. He would be living with his dad. Stop being over dramatic

They're hormonal teens!

Tell her to call someone to collect her and send her downstairs- tell your son to go to sleep and we'll discuss in the morning - don't throw him out ffs he's a child still, learning to be a man, he needs guidance, not disowning.

OP has said that she is living apart from the DS's dad. There is no mention of her having a current DH or DP, so this could be a woman living on her own. There may be other DCs in the house.
It is not safe to bring strangers into a house/home whether there is a single parent or two parents at home.
A teenage boy of 16 could be a lot taller than the OP. She may be concerned that his bad behaviours could become violence to her.
We do not know if you OP is a young mum or was a bit older when DS born OP may have been brought up with strict moral codes. I can not imagine having a boyfriend or even DH staying overnight in my parents' house I certainly would never have had sex in my parents' house. Same goes for PILS' house. Either house would have been terrifying and not worth the bother. Yet people here seem to think it is fine for a 16 year old to be having loud sex with a stranger in Mum's house and not caring how she felt about that.
Some major shifts in acceptable behaviour seems to be going on when teenagers are allowed to use the family home for sex with stranger partners.
Incidentally I am now at the other end of that scale. I have a partner and we went to visit his DC and family. Firstly I was asked if I wanted to share a bedroom with DP or sleep in a child's bedroom. I said that it would be fine with DP and I thought I would not dare to have sex in his DCs child and I defo will not be coming home pregnant!

I have excruciatingly high standards of behaviour, actually. They way to enforce those standards is not to make a child homeless though. I hold myself to the same standards, if not higher, than those I hold my children to.

Shame your excruciatingly high standards of behaviour don't extend to apologising or acknowledging when you have made a mistake colditz. OP did not throw her son out at 2am.

And the son would go to his dad's, so hardly homeless.