AIBU to have told my son to leave my house and never come back.

[solopam]

My son recently turned 16 and I have never really had any bother from him apart from general teenage strops etc but this weekend he has really pushed me to my limit

sorry for long winded but alot has happened

He broke up with his girlfriend last week im not sure of the reasons as he wouldnt tell me, early Friday morning i was woken up with the front door closing when I went to investigate it was my son, I thought he was coming in even although he had been in his bedroom when I had gone to bed, I looked out and saw a girl (not his ex) leaving our garden so then realised the door had been opened for her to leave rather than for him to come in. I asked him what was going on but he told me it was none of my business and went to his room.

Later on I asked him again who the girl was and why she had been in our house until that time in the morning and reminded him that he was not allowed to have girls staying over, he got angry and told me to stay out of his business and stormed out. I called his father (we are separated) he said he would speak to him.

Son came home that evening and half heartedly apologised I told him that it was not to happen again and as far as I was concerned that was it forgot about.

Yesterday afternoon son came in with ex girlfriend and they told me they have got back together, I was pleased as shes a really nice girl and there has never been any issues between them apart from breaking up last week (I still don’t know why) they spent the afternoon in my house and then they went out for the evening.

I went to bed and woke up at 2am and could hear them having sex it was really loud they were literally making no attempt to to hide it, I knocked on his door and they went quiet and my son shouted 2 mins and then opens his door and all I could smell was alcohol from him, I asked him what was going on but he could barley string a sentence together he just kept laughing, the girl who was with him was not his girlfriend, I told her to leave and told my son to get to bed as I didnt think there was any point speaking to him the state he was in. I sat up the rest of the night worried because of how drunk he was. the girl that was in his room I am sure wasn’t the girl who had left on Friday morning and its not his girlfriend.

I woke my son up this morning and asked him what the hell he thought he was playing at he got angry and I got angry and I ended up telling him to get out and not come back, I called his father but be basically cant see the problem with whats happened he just thinks that he’s a teenager and is bound to get drunk and sleep with girls and that I was wrong to throw him out

Absolutely pallisers Shocked at some of the answers on here, I think one even told op to apologise to the son! He knew he was not allowed girls to stay over yet did it twice in a row with two different girls. No way would I be having a cosy chat after this. If he's old enough (at just recently turned 16) to drink and shag around, he can bloody well go and find the means to get his own digs.

Total overreaction. My brother did stuff like this all the time growing up and now he's a very successful fully functioning adult with a wonderful fiancée. Your kid is only 16!! Chill

Userplusnumbers, of course I minimised OP's behaviour. In the heat of an argument, she said words she regretted. Something most people have done in their lives, I'd have thought. IMO not on a par with her ds's behaviour at all.

"YABU - but honestly, if you over react to ever ut ing like this, he may be better off out of that environment (equally, his over reaction to a teenage break up is clearly learned behaviour from you.. Dramatic much?)"

But you set your stall out earlier and I suppose you just have to run with it now. We'll have to agree to disagree.

But was it really necessary to kick someone posting for advice and support, basically telling them their child is better off away from them, that it's their own fault that their child acted up, that it's learned behaviour? You must be a talented armchair psychologist to deduce all of that from what op has posted.

Total overreaction. My brother did stuff like this all the time growing up and now he's a very successful fully functioning adult with a wonderful fiancée. Your kid is only 16!! Chill

Your 16 year old brother took multiple girls (of what age?) home and had noisy sex with them and you think his success as an adult is because your parents thought this was something to be "chill" with.

Do you have teenage children yourself?

Where do you go from here? You've effectively burnt your bridges. You might have been at wits end but you clearly haven't thought this through.

Total overreaction. My brother did stuff like this all the time growing up and now he's a very successful fully functioning adult with a wonderful fiancée. Your kid is only 16!!

Yuck. I wish your brother's wonderful fiancee the best of luck.

Small blonde mama how did your parents deal with your brother

itwaseverthus
I think one even told op to apologise to the son

That was me and you have totally taken my words out of context. I said that she should apologise for saying that her son should never come home again. However I also said that her son was in the wrong and needs to know that. If I was dealing with this situation I would start by apologising but then make it very clear that the behaviour was wrong and set a sanction.

Do you never apologise OP?

If he's old enough (at just recently turned 16) to drink and shag around, he can bloody well go and find the means to get his own digs.

itwaseverthus great parenting there, I hope your children never get it wrong.

I can’t believe some of the comments here, no wonder we have so many entitled, rude, aggressive vile men around when women (and men) fall over themselves to make excuses for their sons repulsive behaviour. Is discipline a dirty word these days? I bet his father would have had something very different to say if it was his daughter behaving like this.

I agree with the general sentiment above - the OP's son's behaviour is awful and serious conversations need to be had, but he's still a child and probably needs some good parenting more than ever right now. Sounds like a stressful time though OP, hope you manage to sort things out.

sorry I have not had a chance to read every post

Its just myself, him and my daughter who is 5 who live at home

He definitely knew girls were not to stay over, his girlfriend has stayed over once before as we had got home late from an event, this was pre-arranged with myself and her parents, it was before they were 16 and they slept separately

I am not ignorant to the fact that young people want to and will have sex, I am uneasy with the thought of my 16 year old son already having at least 3 sexual partners, I want him to respect his body.

If my son had suggested that he would like his girlfriend to stay over from time to time then I would have come to some sort of arrangement with him, I definitely will not have strange girls sleeping over and definitely no alcohol.

I totally over reacted by telling him not to come back I know this.

I called him and asked him and his father to come over today, so hopefully we can get this sorted out

Good luck OP

Do you did lob a sixteen year old girl who'd probably been drinking out on the street at 2am?

@HarrietKettleWasHere RTFT will you?

No Harriet. RTFT. 🙄

Op my sympathies - you’ve had a real kicking on here. I don’t think your anger is anything to apologise for. And as others have said, no wonder we have so many rude pig shit entitled men around when there are parents pussy footing around them like some of the apologist posters on here clearly do.

I think the swing-your-pants posters have flocked to this thread like moths to a flame, posturing about how relevant they are and down-wid-de-kidz.

I agree that condoning this sort of behaviour is encouraging crappy male attitudes. And crappy female attitudes, too. And it's encouraging disrespect of a parental home.

Can you imagine if your teenage dd didn't come home and had gone to some random kid's house for a shag? Sadly this does happen, but usually in the type of household where life is chaotic and the resident parent doesn't give a wotsit.

If you kick a 16 year old schoolboy out, then I'm sure social services will be interested to hear about it, and will possibly want to monitor your interactions with your other child. You sound incredibly unstable. Of course your son did wrong - that's what teenagers do! Why don't you use appropriate sanctions, instead of risking a 16 year old child being on the streets and exposed to violence and danger? You know, normal things like grounding, taking away pocket money, changing the wifi password, taking away his playstation or phone?? These are normal, age-appropriate sanctions, not taking away a child's HOME. As a secondary school teacher, I'm very very glad that your son has a father, and I hope that his father can give him a stable place to live.

harshbuttrue1980

Your a secondary school teacher??

Wouldn't want you teaching my kids

When I deal with the families of missing children I ask what is the last thing you said to them. It breaks my heart and irritates me if they say "well go on then, if you don't want to be here, just F off". Then they beg their child to come home. It's confusing being a teenager and throwing them out and begging them to come home is a mixed message. I have worked with families for over 12 years.

OP I just want to add a point of view from your DS side.

I was the kid allowed to have sex at a young age with boys in my bedroom. I understand my parents point if view that it’s safer at home if I’m going to do it anyway etc
But what I desperately needed was my parents to say no you can’t do that and gently discuss about valuing myself, my body and helping me develop my crippling lack if self esteem and need to be wanted by men.

I will admit I had (many) other issues in my childhood but the having sex at such a young age with (3 or so) different partners did nothing to help me feel good about myself!

chocolate why not? She sounds perfectly sensible to me...

We are talking about a sixTEEN year old. Yes disrespectful behaviour needs nipping in the bud pronto but dealing as you would with an adult male is surely not the way to go here unless you want to alienate him completely.

“Wouldn't want you teaching my kids ”

Where the fuck did that come from? The woman is correct, you do not threaten a child’s home over undesirable yet common teenage boundary pushing ffs. Or do you only want your children taught by abusive bampots who lack any semblance of perspective??
How odd.

OP this is ludicrous! Your 16 year old son is behaving in a fairly normal slightly rebellious way and you want to chuck him out. To go and live where? On the streets? Discipline and support is what he needs, not abandonment. Appalling parenting from you
.

READ THE FUCKING THREAD.

He’s not on the streets.

Neither was his shagging partner the other night.

The OP regrets telling him to never come back.

She is having a conversation with her son and his father soon.

And if you claim to be a teacher, have some empathy for a struggling PARENT or get a new job.