AIBU to have told my son to leave my house and never come back.

[solopam]

My son recently turned 16 and I have never really had any bother from him apart from general teenage strops etc but this weekend he has really pushed me to my limit

sorry for long winded but alot has happened

He broke up with his girlfriend last week im not sure of the reasons as he wouldnt tell me, early Friday morning i was woken up with the front door closing when I went to investigate it was my son, I thought he was coming in even although he had been in his bedroom when I had gone to bed, I looked out and saw a girl (not his ex) leaving our garden so then realised the door had been opened for her to leave rather than for him to come in. I asked him what was going on but he told me it was none of my business and went to his room.

Later on I asked him again who the girl was and why she had been in our house until that time in the morning and reminded him that he was not allowed to have girls staying over, he got angry and told me to stay out of his business and stormed out. I called his father (we are separated) he said he would speak to him.

Son came home that evening and half heartedly apologised I told him that it was not to happen again and as far as I was concerned that was it forgot about.

Yesterday afternoon son came in with ex girlfriend and they told me they have got back together, I was pleased as shes a really nice girl and there has never been any issues between them apart from breaking up last week (I still don’t know why) they spent the afternoon in my house and then they went out for the evening.

I went to bed and woke up at 2am and could hear them having sex it was really loud they were literally making no attempt to to hide it, I knocked on his door and they went quiet and my son shouted 2 mins and then opens his door and all I could smell was alcohol from him, I asked him what was going on but he could barley string a sentence together he just kept laughing, the girl who was with him was not his girlfriend, I told her to leave and told my son to get to bed as I didnt think there was any point speaking to him the state he was in. I sat up the rest of the night worried because of how drunk he was. the girl that was in his room I am sure wasn’t the girl who had left on Friday morning and its not his girlfriend.

I woke my son up this morning and asked him what the hell he thought he was playing at he got angry and I got angry and I ended up telling him to get out and not come back, I called his father but be basically cant see the problem with whats happened he just thinks that he’s a teenager and is bound to get drunk and sleep with girls and that I was wrong to throw him out

As a mother of a 16 year old girl I would worry about where the girl went.

I would also be worried that your son is putting himself in danger ( rightly or wrongly) of a sexual assault charge if he has a girl in his room drunk, having sex who may be under 16.

Wow. As a Mother who had been going through two years of utter turmoil you tell him to go out and never come back after ONE incident? Seriously?

He is BVU.

You are being UTTERLY U.

Op...can you check the girl got back ok. I really hope nothing nasty happened to her. What sort of mum throws a 16 year old child onto the street at 2am. How would you feel if some mum throw your child out the same. At 16hes still a child despite what he thinks.

I'm not convinced by this. Surely no one would be so stupid as to chuck a sixteen year old girl under the influence of alcohol out into the street at 2am. Not buying this.

Yuk his poor girlfriend, what an awkward situation.
I'm guessing some of their relationship issues may be that she suspects him of cheating and he probably tells her she's paranoid then he goes and behaves like that!
I would be tempted to tell him to come clean and let the poor girl go or I would. No way would I enable my son to be a cheater/gaslighter.
I hope he's using protection. Tell his father to take him for a checkup.

I don't think YWBU as he's clearly not respecting your house rules!

Gosh I've got all this to come haven't I?
2 boys and a girl here 😧

Right

So I understand the OP reaction because he has massively been disrespectful!

Of course she’s not a shit parent!

He’s 16 and I think a night out alone without mummy will do him the world of good because at the end of the day it’s not his house.

I don’t think you should have thrown the girl out but waited until she was more sober and called a cab because she’s still someone’s kid

As in regards to him because a general dick head tell his dad that he can keep him until he learns responsibility

Sorry op for all this

I have a 16 year old daughter. I do keep tabs on where she is going and what she is doing. DH and I are her free taxi service after all. However, if anything were ever to go wrong then I do sincerely hope that nobody would throw her out onto the street at 2am!

If you couldn't call her parents then you should have put her in a separate room and/or called a taxi to take her home, not put her at risk by throwing her out.

Your DS has been very disrespectful and may be trying to use your house as a knocking shop. That is not OK. He must abide by your rules, but he is s still a minor (whether he likes it or not) and telling him to never come back was unwise. Set out the rules to him. He should be in by a reasonable time every night and you will have to be up ensuring that he complies, without bringing a different girl back every time.

It is disrespectful to the girls too, and I do wonder if the girlfriend he broke up with and got back together with had perhaps caught him cheating?? A calm but stern word about his behaviour here may be in order, even though he almost certainly won't like it.

It seems he might be learning this attitude from his Dad?

So he's had sex with 3 different girls in 3 consecutive nights?

If he won't obey your rules about having no girls staying over then I can't blame you for sending him to his dad's.

If he wants to come back it has to be on the condition that he respects your rules. Telling you to mind your own business is not on.

He either gets to be an adult or a child, not both.

Jesus Christ you sound crazy! I hope he goes to live with his dad, poor kid.
His behaviour may not have been ideal but kicking him out? Mental.

What's the alternative to throwing the girl out though? Let them continue sleeping together there? Make her sleep on the sofa? I think if a girl is capable of heading to a guys parental home, after drinking, she is capable of getting herself home.

I think saying never come back is a bit OTT but I quite agree he needs to be told it's not acceptable and won't be tolerated. What would worry me more was the seemingly sudden turnaround in his behaviour after years of no problems.

The op isn’t crazy though the son is !

Poor op with people spouting nonsense x

I think you’ve massively over reacted
And fwiw he doesn’t have to be monogamous.its your prefernce not his
Did the girl get home safely after being turned out at 2am?

I called his father but he basically cant see the problem with whats happened he just thinks that he’s a teenager and is bound to get drunk and sleep with girls and that I was wrong to throw him out.

And now he has a chance to show what an awesome parent he is. YANBU, OP.

I think if a girl is capable of heading to a guys parental home, after drinking, she is capable of getting herself home.

Well, that's obviously not true. I have bundled myself into many a taxi with friends (long ago) and not been sure exactly where I was.

No young girl should be wandering the street drunk looking for transport home unless she has been violent. The OP should have called her a cab, or waited while she did so herself.

And fwiw he doesn’t have to be monogamous.its your prefernce not his

OP's house, OP's rules.

Leave the house forever is s big harsh, however... you are right not to be a pushover in this.

I’m not sure I’d have had much patience with the girl in this instance either. I know the OP should have got her a cab, but I’m guessing her priority (and anger) were focussed on her DS.

Out of interest (because I know people love to do a gender swap on here) how many would let a 16 year old boy stay in their house and arrange his lift home if they’d just caught him shagging their drunk DD?

Pengggwn yes true, a cab should have been called and the girl allowed to wait for it, I agree. I'm sure she could have rang her own taxi though if OP didn't. There is no need to wander the streets.

Wow! I think you've totally overreacted. And shame on you for kicking the girl out in the middle of the night too

Yawn,to the mn house rules cliches.
In real life op can’t compel him to be monogamous,why should he be
He needs to be safe,use contraception,make sure it’s consensual

I wish my 13 year old nephew was still alive and able to have girls over and get drunk! You are being very unreasonable! His 16 ffs! Well out of order! I just hope that girl got home safe too!! And I hope you haven't kicked your son out! Children are precious!!

The fact the son seems to have been incapable of arranging his 'date's' transport home speaks volumes. He's clearly way too young to be drinking and shagging girls at his mum's house if he can't behave with the barest decorum and it's somehow mum's job to arrange transport for 'young girl'.

I wish my 13 year old nephew was still alive and able to have girls over and get drunk!

Forgive me - completely irrelevant and over emotional.

I was told to get out at 16 and never come back. I didn't. The damage was done in that moment and has never come close to being repaired. 25+ years later.

My DS will often say 'non of your business' or 'I don't care'. It doesn't matter at this stage if he cares or not. I care and will never stop caring. That's why I ask questions. Why I stick my nose in and why I discipline him. Because I will never stop caring and he will always know that.

" he just thinks that he’s a teenager and is bound to get drunk and sleep with girls and that I was wrong to throw him out"

Well he can have that behaviour at his house then if he thinks that it is what just turned 16yr olds do.