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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to have told my son to leave my house and never come back.

227 replies

solopam · 05/08/2018 14:13

My son recently turned 16 and I have never really had any bother from him apart from general teenage strops etc but this weekend he has really pushed me to my limit

sorry for long winded but alot has happened

He broke up with his girlfriend last week im not sure of the reasons as he wouldnt tell me, early Friday morning i was woken up with the front door closing when I went to investigate it was my son, I thought he was coming in even although he had been in his bedroom when I had gone to bed, I looked out and saw a girl (not his ex) leaving our garden so then realised the door had been opened for her to leave rather than for him to come in. I asked him what was going on but he told me it was none of my business and went to his room.

Later on I asked him again who the girl was and why she had been in our house until that time in the morning and reminded him that he was not allowed to have girls staying over, he got angry and told me to stay out of his business and stormed out. I called his father (we are separated) he said he would speak to him.

Son came home that evening and half heartedly apologised I told him that it was not to happen again and as far as I was concerned that was it forgot about.

Yesterday afternoon son came in with ex girlfriend and they told me they have got back together, I was pleased as shes a really nice girl and there has never been any issues between them apart from breaking up last week (I still don’t know why) they spent the afternoon in my house and then they went out for the evening.

I went to bed and woke up at 2am and could hear them having sex it was really loud they were literally making no attempt to to hide it, I knocked on his door and they went quiet and my son shouted 2 mins and then opens his door and all I could smell was alcohol from him, I asked him what was going on but he could barley string a sentence together he just kept laughing, the girl who was with him was not his girlfriend, I told her to leave and told my son to get to bed as I didnt think there was any point speaking to him the state he was in. I sat up the rest of the night worried because of how drunk he was. the girl that was in his room I am sure wasn’t the girl who had left on Friday morning and its not his girlfriend.

I woke my son up this morning and asked him what the hell he thought he was playing at he got angry and I got angry and I ended up telling him to get out and not come back, I called his father but be basically cant see the problem with whats happened he just thinks that he’s a teenager and is bound to get drunk and sleep with girls and that I was wrong to throw him out

OP posts:
Stillme1 · 05/08/2018 21:24

Woopsy that should be that I would not have sex in his DC's house. The reason I would not get pregnant is that I am too old.

roomy212 · 05/08/2018 22:35

I am amazed at the pp who think that this is acceptable.I guess if it was their ds/dd they would have no problem letting them shag multiple people every night under their roof c'mon surely not Shock
My dd is slightly older than OP's ds and I would be mortified if I heard her having sex and she would be mortified too if she knew I could hear her. Is it different because she's female?

MrsAidanTurner · 05/08/2018 22:43

Only read first page op.

My first concern was a young girl being thrown out in the middle of the night.
Secondly.. Your son has never been a problem before and now he has had an upsetting break up.

He needs space... He is sleeping around... It's quite common for people to do that at a young age.
It's what he wants to do to heal his broken heart.

Where should he go to have some space?

I can't belive you knocked on their door at 2am.surely it would have been better to have a dressed this all nicely in the morning... Rather than attacking him.

What he supposed to say, sorry yes certainly for bringing girls back.. That's wrong.. For you... But what else?

Sorry mum I'm heart broken and being with someone else makes me feel better...

The girls are I assume of age and consenting....

itwaseverthus · 05/08/2018 22:48

Heart broken? He went out the door with his re-united girlfriend and came home bladdered with a different girl! So, three girls in three days have gone through op's house.

RebelRogue · 05/08/2018 22:50

@MrsAidanTurner he's back with the girlfriend... what's he so heartbroken about that he has to shag two other girls in his mum's house?

MrsAidanTurner · 05/08/2018 22:51

Yes... Heart broken.... Something has clearly happened with his girlfriend you know the one he caused op no problem with.... All this time he has been a good boy Confused her...

roomy212 · 05/08/2018 22:56

MrsAidanTurner this is a 16yo boy we are talking about even if he was much older this kind of behaviour is wrong. Are you really suggesting that it's ok for guys to sleep with multiple woman within hours of each other every time they have a tif with their gf?

BoEbrexit · 05/08/2018 23:02

Did you let his girlfriend stay over? I think it partly depends on that, because if you did he might not see it as a big deal.

Personally I can't imagine ever letting a girlfriend stay over until marriage over 18 and I knew her well.

BoEbrexit · 05/08/2018 23:04

Its not good to say to go out and never come back though - I guess it was a spur of the moment thing? You might want to say sorry about that because teens take things deeply to heart.

AndreaPorkin81 · 05/08/2018 23:16

I was no angel at 16 tbh. Your house, your rules but I think you overreacted. Teenagers are very headstrong so be careful what you wish for before you create a permanent rift like the one I have with my controlling mother.

RainySeptember · 05/08/2018 23:22

You know all those men behaving like shits to the desperate women posting over in 'relationships'?

Well they're made by people making excuses for them and turning an indulgent eye on their bad behaviour when it first manifests itself.

He had a one night stand and op spoke to him about it and made it clear that it mustn't happen again.

The next day he got back with his girlfriend, (so no longer heartbroken).

On the third day he wakes his mum up at 2am shagging another stranger, pissed.

So he's disrespected his mum's rules, pissed all over her first warning, cheated on his girlfriend and refused to apologise the next day once calmer.

Op, you're getting a hard time for your use of the word 'forever', which you've already said was an overreaction and said in anger. You've also said that your ds will know that you didn't mean it because you usually have a good relationship.

Everything else spot on imo. Ignore everyone saying it's typical teen behaviour. It might be in homes where parents tolerate it. Good for you for teaching him to respect you, your home and women.

itwaseverthus · 05/08/2018 23:28

Bloody well said Rainy

roomy212 · 05/08/2018 23:42

RainySeptember you hit the nail on the head. Best post on this thread Flowers

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 05/08/2018 23:43

This is really really not normal behaviour from a just turned 16 yr old! It absolutely not normal to being back multiple one night stands to your parents house and have loud sex at 2am at 16 ffs! That's hugely disrespectful at any age! I don't know anyone who would bring back a ons to their parents house. Where is he finding the girls, was he at a party? Does he knew them? His poor gf. If he's 16 and having sex he's old enough and mature enough to understand the difference between gf staying over (who a)mum knows and b)is prearranged) and loud drunk ons, no way did the poor boy just get confused.

OP overeacted but let's not pretend this is normal behaviour. I actually can't believe how many people are acting like this is just "boys being boys"

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 05/08/2018 23:45

Im fairly certain that not bringing back one at 16 is a fairly standard rule, and is not just some bizarre rule op has made up in her house.

BoneyBackJefferson · 05/08/2018 23:46

RainySeptember

I agree with what you are saying but things, once said, can never be taken back.

Penguin34 · 05/08/2018 23:47

Did you just kick a young girl out in the middle of the night!?
Hope she's ok!
Your sons being disrespectful, is that really worth being told to leave and never come back??
Be careful what you wish for.

Penguin34 · 05/08/2018 23:49

He's not treating girls very nicely but he's not the only one..

NalderAndCollier · 05/08/2018 23:55

I agree with you OP. I'd have done the same. Let his DF have him for a while. As for "and never come back", that was spoken, I have no doubt, in the heat of the moment.

RainySeptember · 06/08/2018 00:00

"Did you just kick a young girl out in the middle of the night!?"

No, she rang her sister and waited for her lift to arrive before leaving.

ImAIdoot · 06/08/2018 00:07

Rainy I don't think you create well-behaved adults by throwing your hands in the air and kicking them out to go somewhere it's accepted. You probably actually just ensure they never learn better and solidify that behaviour as a life-long thing.

Giving guidance to teenagers to try and mould them into decent adults is hard, often unrewarding and not guaranteed to be successful, it requires selflessness and determination. Giving up and detaching yourself from their life pridefully is easy, gets you your house back and is guaranteed to place them outside your supervision and guidance.

LuxuryTime · 06/08/2018 00:15

Sounds like he has not coped with recent stresses in his life (exams, breakup/on off relationship) at all well and is in freefall.

Given that he has always been a good lad before he must be struggling severely emotionally to be acting so out of character.

I’d say he wants love, attention, reassurance and calm resetting of boundaries.

RainySeptember · 06/08/2018 00:16

He needs to feel the weight of his choices. The talking can come later. He's not in a bus shelter, he's with his dad.

Userplusnumbers · 06/08/2018 00:21

@Rainey there's a midpoint between chucking a handful of condoms and lube through the door, with a cheery 'have fun' and a 'get out of my house for ever'

Also, don't get on your high horse about crossing boundaries and coming down hard whilst in the very same post minimising the OPs actions which were clearly unreasonable (and if anything, a clear demonstration that adults make incredibly stupid decisions, so she could probably be a little bit more forgiving to a 16 year old)

Jumping straight to a sanction like this leaves very little room for manoeuvre should the behaviours escalate too.

pallisers · 06/08/2018 00:37

OP overeacted but let's not pretend this is normal behaviour. I actually can't believe how many people are acting like this is just "boys being boys"

This completely. I have 3 children now age 16-22 and under no circumstances would I have thought this was normal behaviour for my male or female child.

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