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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to have told my son to leave my house and never come back.

227 replies

solopam · 05/08/2018 14:13

My son recently turned 16 and I have never really had any bother from him apart from general teenage strops etc but this weekend he has really pushed me to my limit

sorry for long winded but alot has happened

He broke up with his girlfriend last week im not sure of the reasons as he wouldnt tell me, early Friday morning i was woken up with the front door closing when I went to investigate it was my son, I thought he was coming in even although he had been in his bedroom when I had gone to bed, I looked out and saw a girl (not his ex) leaving our garden so then realised the door had been opened for her to leave rather than for him to come in. I asked him what was going on but he told me it was none of my business and went to his room.

Later on I asked him again who the girl was and why she had been in our house until that time in the morning and reminded him that he was not allowed to have girls staying over, he got angry and told me to stay out of his business and stormed out. I called his father (we are separated) he said he would speak to him.

Son came home that evening and half heartedly apologised I told him that it was not to happen again and as far as I was concerned that was it forgot about.

Yesterday afternoon son came in with ex girlfriend and they told me they have got back together, I was pleased as shes a really nice girl and there has never been any issues between them apart from breaking up last week (I still don’t know why) they spent the afternoon in my house and then they went out for the evening.

I went to bed and woke up at 2am and could hear them having sex it was really loud they were literally making no attempt to to hide it, I knocked on his door and they went quiet and my son shouted 2 mins and then opens his door and all I could smell was alcohol from him, I asked him what was going on but he could barley string a sentence together he just kept laughing, the girl who was with him was not his girlfriend, I told her to leave and told my son to get to bed as I didnt think there was any point speaking to him the state he was in. I sat up the rest of the night worried because of how drunk he was. the girl that was in his room I am sure wasn’t the girl who had left on Friday morning and its not his girlfriend.

I woke my son up this morning and asked him what the hell he thought he was playing at he got angry and I got angry and I ended up telling him to get out and not come back, I called his father but be basically cant see the problem with whats happened he just thinks that he’s a teenager and is bound to get drunk and sleep with girls and that I was wrong to throw him out

OP posts:
Monkeysocks2017 · 05/08/2018 15:25

Not emotional or irrelevant she's chucked her son out cuz his had a drink and sex! Most lads do this! But ah well totally okay to throw your son out!

notsohippychick · 05/08/2018 15:27

No! Don’t throw him out! He’ll be resentful for ever and his behaviour will get worse!!

Yes you have overreacted to a problem that could have been dealt with differently. Other consequences, not kicking him out!

witchofzog · 05/08/2018 15:28

Yes he was out of order but so were you telling him to leave forever. And I can't believe you threw a 16 year old girl out of the house at 2am. Did you check where she lived and that she had the means to get home? If not you should be ashamed. If you have daughters as well as your son I hope they are never treated like this.

What your son did was not good and punishable certainly but not by banishing him forever

ImAIdoot · 05/08/2018 15:29

Kicking a teenager out of your house for having sex is stupid, because what do you think the outcomes of that are likely to be? Are the rules of your house and the inevitable failure to completely control a teenager worth placing them completely outside your care and supervision?

I was kicked out of my home at this age for less dramatic behaviour than this and ended up sleeping rough, I won't go into detail but I will never forget it.

Uzicorn · 05/08/2018 15:33

And fwiw he doesn’t have to be monogamous.its your prefernce not his

If OP doesn't want one girl staying over (let alone girls on 3 nights) then that's her choice. Her house, her rules, as disappearing said.

Did the girl get home safely after being turned out at 2am?

Not OP's responsibility. She's not mother to everyone just because she's a woman Hmm

Uzicorn · 05/08/2018 15:36

Monkeysocks2017

I wish my 13 year old nephew was still alive and able to have girls over and get drunk! You are being very unreasonable! His 16 ffs! Well out of order! I just hope that girl got home safe too!! And I hope you haven't kicked your son out! Children are precious!!

I wish the tree in my garden grew tenners instead of leaves but that's irrelevant to this thread as is your post.

Pengggwn · 05/08/2018 15:37

Not OP's responsibility. She's not mother to everyone just because she's a woman hmm

I would say the same to a man.

titchy · 05/08/2018 15:37

What's the alternative to throwing the girl out though? Let them continue sleeping together there? Make her sleep on the sofa?

Yes to the sleep on the sofa option. Obviously.

Not OP's responsibility. She's not mother to everyone just because she's a woman

Nice attitude....

Original poster
solopam · 05/08/2018 15:38

I am not a bad parent at all, I told him to leave and not come back in the heat of the moment, I didn't mean it and I am sure my son will know that as I know he did not mean the things he said, we don't usually have a bad relationship.

I did ask the girl to leave of course I did but she called who she said was her sister and was collected

I am definitely in no way happy at the way my son has treated these girls, i'm angry about that and the way he has treated me, himself and our home

OP posts:
NobodysChild · 05/08/2018 15:38

Totally U. Major overreaction. Did you not set ground rules when your son was steady dating his current girlfriend? Was his girlfriend allowed to stay over and your son presumed it would be ok to take other girls back? You need to lighten up and realise teenagers do have sex and do drink alcohol. As for throwing a young girl out in the early hours, it beggars belief. You seem like a righteous busy body with no life of your own.

Charolais · 05/08/2018 15:43

I can’t imagine having a son that acted like that in our home. Nasty. You need to give his girlfriend a heads-up.

itwaseverthus · 05/08/2018 15:45

OP I think it's clear you know telling him to get out and never come back was an over-reaction and said in the heat of anger after three different young girls have been to your house in as many nights. If my dd aged 16 brought home three different guys in three nights, despite me telling her not to, whilst steadily dating, I'd be rather concerned. I can see why you are.

FuckPants · 05/08/2018 15:47

I can’t imagine having a son that acted like that in our home. Nasty. You need to give his girlfriend a heads-up.

Oh get a grip and stop clutching your pearls.

Jimdandy · 05/08/2018 15:48

Getting drunk and sleeping with girls is just a right of passage. Just make sure he’s protected and ask him not to wake you up!

HolyMountain · 05/08/2018 15:48

Charolais

Do you have teenagers?

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 05/08/2018 15:50

Good god. You threw your son out and also put a very young girl out of the house at 2am.

Yes he was being disrespectful but you actually need to try to have a relationship with him and talk to him.

IceCreamFace · 05/08/2018 15:50

Obviously he has behaved very badly but YWBVU to tell him not to ever come back. He's not an adult he's going to make some mistakes but to be thrown out of home by his mother who is meant to love him unconditionally is horrible.

I think you were right to knock on his door when he was having loud sex (that's completely disrespectful of him). I would have then insisted he can sleep on the sofa and the girl can have his bed (god knows how she'd get home at 2am!). She can leave first thing in the morning and there'd be a serious talk with DS about his actions in the morning and some consequences. I would not have chucked him out - I would want to keep my cool with him and if I couldn't take a break then talk to him when I was calm.

GreenMeerkat · 05/08/2018 15:51

Everyone giving the OP a hard time just think about things for a minute. She said he has never previously acted like this so she has never experienced this before and has no idea how to handle it. Added to that she is separated from his father, so is having to deal with this happening in her house alone. I'm sure you are all perfect parents and your teenagers are complete angels Hmm

OP I think you probably acted out in anger and frustration as you are not used to dealing with this. The alcohol and treatment of girls is definitely a cause for concern but you are much better doing this as a concerned parent than making yourself the enemy. Lay down some ground rules and make sure he knows you are the boss but don't try to fight him.

Topseyt · 05/08/2018 15:52

I don't think it means you are a bad parent. You reacted in the heat of the moment (as we all can), and teenagers really can be very challenging. Sixteen is a difficult age because they are still fairly immature, yet often convinced that they are grown up.

Try to get him home and firmly set out what is wrong with his behaviour and why you are so disappointed in him for this. You expected better of him, you expect him to treat these girls and you with far more respect from now on.

Ask him where he has apparently learned that this behaviour is in any way acceptable.

TigerDroveAgain · 05/08/2018 15:54

Well haven’t read the full thread but you sound like my MIL. Nearly 50 years later the wounds haven’t healed. That’s fine if that’s what you want

pictish · 05/08/2018 15:55

Unless your house is a draconian boarding school, you are being totally disproportionate and unreasonable. I’m not saying that he gets to do what he wants but ffs...perspective is a thing. He’s 16 and doing normal 16 yr old things, having sex, playing the field, staying up late...etc.

I have a 16 year old son too. He has certainly pushed the boundaries this last year or so but that’s what you expect at this age.

Did you think he’d be under your control until he was 35?

crimsonlake · 05/08/2018 15:57

I hate It when posters say 'my home ' - it may be your house but it is his home too. That said he has behaved badly, but as you admit he is usually generally ok. I think your reaction is totally over the top, you cannot tell your son he has to leave over this? He is 16 so where could he go, do you not care for his welfare? Have a sit down when things are cooled down and discuss the issue, but for goodness sake do not threaten to throw him out again.

RomanyRoots · 05/08/2018 16:00

I think telling him not to come back was a mistake, I can see how it ended up like this though.

I set boundaries with mine, they had rules that if broken would mean being treated like a child again, or finding their own place.

My rules were no gf staying over until they'd been together for 12 months, certainly no one night stands.
It's my house and if they don't like it they can find their own place.
My favourite saying was "When you have your own house, you can do what you want" Grin
Both ds grew up to respect their gf/fiance's and women in general.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 05/08/2018 16:00

YABVVVU.

Would you have treated a teenage girl that way?

Pengggwn · 05/08/2018 16:00

He’s 16 and doing normal 16 yr old things, having sex, playing the field, staying up late...etc.

Bringing your one-night stands home isn't normal 16 year old behaviour where I'm from. Hmm

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