WIBU to uninvite my friend

[Kallo]

Name changed for this as it's quite specific.

Last night I was out with a group of mates, at an event where a couple I am friends with were also attending. Let's call them Bob and Margaret.

After the event me and my mates were going for a drink, I invited Bob and Margaret along. Bob was too tired but Margaret wanted to come along so Bob left and she waited with me for the others. Really I prefer Bobs company, although we have always socialised as a three. I decided to encourage Margaret to go home after Bob, and said I would see them in the week. She took the hint and went to catch up with Bob.

About 20 minutes later I got a text from Bob asking me that that was all about, and why I had treated Margaret that way. Margaret didn't contact me

Bob is the more extroverted of the two so I really thought it might be awkward or difficult with just her. She didn't look upset or anything she just said ok. They now don't want to see me for something we had planned this week.

I think I made the right call really and reckon I didn't have much choice, but now I think I have lost my friendship with Bob.

Ugh poor Margaret, you basically humiliated her totally unreasonable

Bob is obviously someone you aspire to be around. However he has now seen you in your true light!

Gosh OP you were rude. I feel for Margaret and applaud Bob for calling you out on this dreadful behaviour.

Let them be now because you are not their friend.

YWBVVU, childish, cruel,nasty behaviour from you, OP. I hope Bob and Margaret have better friends than you. What a cow you are.

I would leave them be now. Poor M.

OP, I'd stop digging now if I were you, otherwise you'll reach Australia in a couple of hours.
I understand that you feel yourself superior to Margaret (obviously you're not in reality) but to be that callous is breathtakingly shocking.

Honestly, it's as if you're 12 years old, not a grown adult. If you were my teen daughter, you'd be grounded for a month at least.

Yes, you were massively U. Clearly what you thought were "gentle hints" to Margaret were about as subtle as a sledgehammer, hence her refusing to talk to you afterwards and Bob sending that text. I doubt you'll be able to fix this one and if I were them I wouldn't bother to give you the time of day going forward. What you did was mean and bitchy.

I don't think this is about you thinking Margaret would be uncomfortable. You just didn't want her there. She clearly wanted to be there, with you, which is why she agreed to go without bob.

Shitty move OP.

You made her feel unwelcome she could of left if she felt uncomfortable.

I never intended to be in a position where I would need to put her off coming

You never needed to put her off! That's the whole point! That people have been telling you over four pages. You still don't get it do you?

I’m just glad her boyfriend rang you and said it to you. Otherwise you might think this was ok to tell someone to go away, they don’t fit in with your friends.

Can you put yourself in her position and imagine how embarrassing that was for her.

I’m glad someone told you because you will have no friends left if you treat them like this.

Everyone makes mistakes so just ring and try to put it right and I hope everything works out. All the best.

You didn't invite them both. You invited Bob and would have tolerated Margaret being there if he was.

If you'd invited them both you wouldn't have "encouraged" Margaret to leave for her own comfort when Bob decided not to come along.

You also might want to ask MN to rectify your title - it's very obvious from your comments that you've never really considered Margaret to be a friend.

Are you 12?

genuine question I’ve only read the first page off to RTFT

Crikey, OP, your lack of empathy and self-awareness are shocking!

Please learn from this experience and try to be a better friend in future.

If "Margaret" is out there and reading this I hope she takes heart from the fact that MN is unanimously on her side.

Wow, I would have been really humiliated in her position. You must really dislike her! Or are you embarrassed by her in front of your real friends? I would imagine it is the end of your friendship.

Of course you had a choice!

Sounds like you only really care about your friendship with Bob and Margaret is just an acessory.

You don't really care for Margaret's friendship or company, so when Bob left the scene, you pretty much just told her to bugger off. Who wouldn't be hurt by that?

Perhaps Margaret is shy, and could have done with your company and meeting new people too.

I wouldn't blame them for not wanting any contact with you again TBH.

Did you reply to Bob?

Oh dear, you sound awful.

It’s not Margaret who is socially awkward OP.

It’s you. Socially competent people don’t do what you did.

It is arrogant of you to presume that you know better than the woman herself when she should or shouldn't try socialising with people and be honest, concern about her socialising skills are not the reason you sent her away. Just be honest and admit that you don't really like her and can't be bothered to spend any time with her, both she and Bob certainly now realise this.

Are you 12? If not I’m not sure how you would ever think you in the right.
You effectively told Margret that you didn’t want to socialise without Bob and thefore don’t value the friendship.
Hardly your call to decide if she would feel uncomfortable. I’m assuming she is an adult and therefore capable of making her own mind up.

I’m glad bob stuck by her. Hopefully you lose a friend over this because you have certainly shown them how you feel about Margret

Also in the past when I've been part of a large gathering (and even more so if it's something I've organised) I've made the effort to at least make others feel welcome and part of the fun. If someone decided for themselves it wasn't for them and left under their own volition then thats fine. But to actively encourage someone who is clearly socially anxious to leave is cruel. One of my good friends is Margaret. She would sit there staring into her drink. Her husband was life and soul. But if he left the room people would evaporate and she'd be sat there alone. I'd hear people groan when she walked in . I started calling her up to the bar and she'd tell me about work or her dd (similar age to mine). If I was chatting to someone I'd include her in the conversation. Our daughters became best friends so we started spending more time together. She's very quiet and shy. Sometimes I do have to encourage her. Her first night out with me was her first time without her dh. She's worth it and wish others would see that.