WIBU to uninvite my friend

[Kallo]

Name changed for this as it's quite specific.

Last night I was out with a group of mates, at an event where a couple I am friends with were also attending. Let's call them Bob and Margaret.

After the event me and my mates were going for a drink, I invited Bob and Margaret along. Bob was too tired but Margaret wanted to come along so Bob left and she waited with me for the others. Really I prefer Bobs company, although we have always socialised as a three. I decided to encourage Margaret to go home after Bob, and said I would see them in the week. She took the hint and went to catch up with Bob.

About 20 minutes later I got a text from Bob asking me that that was all about, and why I had treated Margaret that way. Margaret didn't contact me

Bob is the more extroverted of the two so I really thought it might be awkward or difficult with just her. She didn't look upset or anything she just said ok. They now don't want to see me for something we had planned this week.

I think I made the right call really and reckon I didn't have much choice, but now I think I have lost my friendship with Bob.

Bob and Margaret both kind of hate you now. With good reason. I don’t think there’s any coming back from this really.

Hopefully one day you will be on the receiving end of similar behaviour.

Yes, you were unreasonable and rude. If I were Margaret and Bob I wouldn't be friends with you anymore.

I am like Margaret in that I can be shy and my husband is more outgoing. It would have been a big thing for me to decide to go on with you and then when you made it clear you didn't want me I would have been upset.

I really like the sound of Bob.

I feel like #IamMargaret should be a hashtag. I'm Margaret too, and my husband is Bob. I can sometimes sense that people are tolerating my company rather than enjoying it (I'm shy and probably boring) but nobody is ever rude enough to tell me to go home, thankfully, as that would break me.

Did you fancy Bob?

Would be interested to know exactly what you said to hint that she shouldn’t come op.
Seems like it’s now you that needs to take the hint now though if they’ve both cancelled on you - they’ve realised you’re a cunt and want no more to do with you. I doubt an apology will smooth it over tbh.

Also you didn’t ‘uninvite a friend’ as a friend wouldn’t have done what you did

Thing is here, that this is a reflection of the OP’s personality. Nothing we say here is going to change the way she behaves. Sad that there are some truly awful people out there.

Any chance of real, deep personal reflection and you realising your nastiness???

#bemoremargaret
#bemorebob

I can’t believe this isn’t a reverse! Can you honestly not see or not care about how hurtful your actions were? It wasn’t your call to decide whether or not Margaret would be comfortable or not...tbh it just sounds like you couldn’t be arsed to include her or show her a pleasant evening so you sent her on her way. Very cruel and yes, unreasonable.

OP, genuinely, try to imagine Margaret in this.
She thought you were friends, she was happy to come out with you and stay on, because that's what friends do.
Imagine the hurt and pure humiliation she must have felt when you 'hinted' she wouldn't enjoy herself. She would have understandably thought you didn't like her., probably completely mortified her in front of others.
Jesus, I'd be dying from this for years. It is frankly quite damning of you that you thought this was acceptable behaviour. Please,please look at yourself and learn from this. Kindness goes a long way.

#belesskallous

What a horrible person you are op. Do you happen to fancy Bob and a bit jealous of Margaret?

Lets be honest - you wanted Bob to come out with you on your own, and that boring old wallflower margaret to piss off home.

nasty

Im glad he saw how you treated the woman he loves, and I like how he stood up for her and called you on your rudeness.

RUde and unreasonable. It wasn’t your call to invite and then uninvite someone. Very cruel. She can make her own decisions about socialising.

OP, what do you mean by ‘I gently hinted’ she should go with Bob?
Your hinting was probably a lot more cruel that you’re aware.
You sound arrogant and condescending, have a look at yourself

You won't come back from this no matter how much apologising you do. Bob has seen you and won't want anything to do with you.
You don't understand the damage people like you do to people like Margaret.

Wow, they let you crash their dates, and allow you to feel as though you are socialising 'as a three', but when Margaret was going to socialise with your group of friends you make her feel odd.

I agree with pp's you fancy Bob. I'm glad he was the one to call you out on your shittyness.

Oh no! You being uncomfortable has made Margaret uncomfortable. It’s going to be difficult to turn it around without changing the dynamics

Wow.

You had the opportunity to get to know her better and become better friends and instead you made her feel like shit.

Wow.

"You won't come back from this no matter how much apologising you do"

The OPs unlikely to come back to this thread too.

I realise it was rude, but was it unreasonable?

How could it be rude but not unreasonable?

I'm trying to understand why you say "you had no choice" and it could have been "terrible" if she'd stayed. Are your mates not very nice? Would they have been actively unkind to Margaret? And what preparation would you have done if you had known it would be Margaret without Bob?