WIBU to uninvite my friend

[Kallo]

Name changed for this as it's quite specific.

Last night I was out with a group of mates, at an event where a couple I am friends with were also attending. Let's call them Bob and Margaret.

After the event me and my mates were going for a drink, I invited Bob and Margaret along. Bob was too tired but Margaret wanted to come along so Bob left and she waited with me for the others. Really I prefer Bobs company, although we have always socialised as a three. I decided to encourage Margaret to go home after Bob, and said I would see them in the week. She took the hint and went to catch up with Bob.

About 20 minutes later I got a text from Bob asking me that that was all about, and why I had treated Margaret that way. Margaret didn't contact me

Bob is the more extroverted of the two so I really thought it might be awkward or difficult with just her. She didn't look upset or anything she just said ok. They now don't want to see me for something we had planned this week.

I think I made the right call really and reckon I didn't have much choice, but now I think I have lost my friendship with Bob.

I am a Margaret.

I didn't have a good Bob. I'm bloody glad proper Margaret does.

That was unkind, I shouldn't think they'll want to see you again.

god poor Margaret will never try to be brave again and try to meet new people after being told to fuck off

Your a shit friend. They're better off without you

Yes, YWVVVVVVVU. I can’t believe you even need to clarify if you’re being unreasonable.

You were rude, nasty, unkind and demonstrated bullying behaviour. You took the choice away from her about how she wanted to spend the evening.

I’m more confident now, but a few years ago if I had agreed to stay out with people while DH went home that would have been a big step for me. For someone like you to then declare my choice wrong, say they didn’t want me there in so many words and ‘encourage’ me to leave it would have been a huge blow. It would have knocked any confidence I’d rustled up and ruined all future interactions. It would have given me an anxiety attack.

You should be ashamed of your behaviour, OP. It is nasty and bullying.

Dh and I had a group of “friends” and he couldn’t see what piss takers and users a lot of them were. He also couldn’t see the women didn’t accept me but the men did. The only reason I wasn’t accepted is because I am not of the correct nationality and all British women were viewed in the same way as me. One day I go really upset with one of them and told her so. Unsurprisingly they closed ranks against me and I received a vile message from the (female) ringleader of the group.

I wish I had had a Bob at the time as we wouldn’t have invested so much time and energy in them. But dh didn’t see it because they were so ridiculously nice to him. It became increasingly obvious to me over the years that I was a Margaret - despite being able to hold my own in a conversation - but I had no idea how spiteful these people were. After the event I heard from friends the sort of thing they said about me. In my home. Using and abusing my hospitality (as was the norm). But they only saw it as dhs hospitality as he earned a lot more than me.

The women were jealous of me and basically wanted him to themselves. They generally had lower morals than me and a couple of the women were in ltr with married men and wouldn’t have blinked before taking dh off me. I met dh before he met the so it wasn’t as though I took him away from them.

It sounds as though op wants bob to herself. 10 years on and it has been hard for dh. He was so ridiculously adulated by them - we had the money and provided the parties. It was a fun time. But the more I tried to be perfect the more they disliked me. I see now I was far too perfect and they were so jealous that they specifically did things in my home they didn’t do elsewhere.

#IamMargaret

Poor Margaret I bet this will stay with her for a while. I remember being about 12 and being on an outdoor school holiday trip and being paired up with a girl who I thought was lovely, had a fun day and then at the end of the day she told me nicely that it was fun but she couldn’t hang about with me in front of her friends. I’m 36 and that still stings, to be so unacceptable. I hope you seriously apologise OP and that they move on to better friends.

Margaret possibly wanted to ask you why you like to hang out with herherpartner partner but not with her. You had better say goodbye bob and margaret.

Wow! That's awful!

Still it shows Bob puts Margaret way above you, which is only right! He's a good guy, you on the other hand......

Your words. 'I realise it was rude but was it unreasonable?'

Of course being rude is unreasonable FFS.

I kind of get how you felt OP. Margaret didn’t know any of your other friends and is a quiet type, so you didn’t want to feel responsible for her.

However, you should have kept those feelings to yourself. There’s a very good chance that your preferred member of the couple encouraged Margaret to go with you to widen her social circle. He clearly trusted you with someone precious to him. This will be why he’s so angry with you now. You let your friend down.

Maybe they had specifically planned for this to be an occasion for Margaret to find her wings alone. Then you were a twat.

Margaret thought the 3 of you were friends. Now she thinks it is only bob you consider a friend. She will be very hurt and upset and Bob will be upset on her behalf too.

Margaret should have come and if it wasn't a good night or any awkwardness she could have went home.

You should try to fix it but it is very unlikely.

@Kallo were you one of the popular ones in school? So used to making people feel like they were not worthy to be in your presence? Like they're something on the bottom of your shoe? I was bullied by people like you, and you made me miserable. You should be utterly, utterly ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are to tell Margaret she'd be better with Bob? Maybe if you'd got to know her a bit more you may have realised she is just as nice as Bob - maybe even nicer?! Do you fancy Bob - is that it?

You're a horrible, selfish person who needs to be much more aware of people around them and treat them with some dignity and compassion. I hope you've learnt a valuable lesson here.

Very unkind and very unreasonable. You probably need to think about what sort of person you really want to be.

OP you sound like a mean girl from high school and very selfish. How rude! I think they're well shot of you.

OP you really need to wonder why Bob was going home to bed? Maybe he doesn't see you as such scintillating company as you think he does maybe?

I hope the pair of them stay away from you.

Wow, you were spectacularly rude and cruel to margaret.
The correct etiquette would for you to suck it up and take her along. Not make sure she knows just how unwelcome she is.
If someone did that to me or my partner or even a friend, i wouldnt give them the time of day ever again.

And there wouldnt be anything you could do to fix it

Do you fancy Bob?

Team Margaret all the way.

Well, this thread has turn into a massive pile on, hasn't it? 290 odd messages to tell the OP how awful you think she is. Think she has got the message yet, or do a few more want to enjoy themselves having a go?

Errr....the OP asked AIBU? So you can't suggest people are unreasonable in answering. She may not like the answers but that's tough really.

@sonjadog sorry I thought OP posted to ask AIBU?

So 300+ people think she is and answered her.

Not surprising really and she doesn't seem concerned, as she said she can't change it now, not I think I'll ask to see them and explain!

She's asked opinions, hopefully she's learnt something from this!

Surprised you have any friends really.