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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to uninvite my friend

355 replies

Kallo · 04/08/2018 18:43

Name changed for this as it's quite specific.

Last night I was out with a group of mates, at an event where a couple I am friends with were also attending. Let's call them Bob and Margaret.

After the event me and my mates were going for a drink, I invited Bob and Margaret along. Bob was too tired but Margaret wanted to come along so Bob left and she waited with me for the others. Really I prefer Bobs company, although we have always socialised as a three. I decided to encourage Margaret to go home after Bob, and said I would see them in the week. She took the hint and went to catch up with Bob.

About 20 minutes later I got a text from Bob asking me that that was all about, and why I had treated Margaret that way. Margaret didn't contact me

Bob is the more extroverted of the two so I really thought it might be awkward or difficult with just her. She didn't look upset or anything she just said ok. They now don't want to see me for something we had planned this week.

I think I made the right call really and reckon I didn't have much choice, but now I think I have lost my friendship with Bob.

OP posts:
Snowman123 · 04/08/2018 21:51

Sounds like you've got a thing for Bob....

donquixotedelamancha · 04/08/2018 21:54

Don’t turn up at their house with flowers, that’s shocking advice!

Who suggested that? I think all the people who suggested flowers meant to send them.

ThatsHeresy · 04/08/2018 21:56

#IAmMargaret
#IWishIHadABob

TheLionRoars1110 · 04/08/2018 21:59

Bob sounds fab!!! I'm not surprised you like him.
Yabu btw

Gabilan · 04/08/2018 22:01

She doesn't know the people we were going with and appears quite uncomfortable with new people sometimes

Whilst I'm not as shy as Margaret, I do struggle with new people. However, I figure that they won't stay new forever so it's best to put myself out there. Nice people realise this and give me time.

I'm glad Margaret has Bob.

AlphaBravo · 04/08/2018 22:03

Wait why does my comment get deleted but comments calling the OP a twat and worse get to stay? Hmm Dont be such a 'Kallo', Mumsnet HQ.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 04/08/2018 22:05

Ah. You're one of those women, who 'just get on better with men for some reason'. You've been a bit of a cow OP, and Bob has seen right through you. No chance of a shag with Bob now!

YouBetterWORK · 04/08/2018 22:08

I'm a Margaret and DH is definitely a Bob. It would set me back fucking loads to put myself out there and be rejected like that. I'm glad Bob called you out on it, and oh no you've lost your friendship with Bob, boo fucking hoo. You could have made a new friend in Margaret had you not been an arse AND Bob would have been an even better friend to you as he would have appreciated your effort. Suck on that.

sprinklesandsauce · 04/08/2018 22:12

Op, it wasn’t for you to make Margaret’s decisions for her, she was invited, she chose to go, you told her she wasn’t welcome on her own by your behaviour.

I once had a friend say to me, “ I’m surprised but we had a really good night out, I thought it might be boring just the two of us “ that hurt.

She claims she didn’t mean it the way it sounded but I’ve never again asked her out if it would be just us, and never will.

Poor Margaret will be better off without you.

You need to damn well grovel but I doubt they will get over it. And I don’t blame them.

Tiredmum100 · 04/08/2018 22:12

Maybe Margaret wanted to spend time with you and get to know you better. Maybe she was coming out of her shell. If she's as quiet as you make out than I would have thought you it would have taken a lot of courage for her to have decided to go with you. You were rude. I don't blame them for being annoyed with you.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 04/08/2018 22:12

Buckeejit (indeed!) suggested going round with flowers, and a card to leave in the sad event that Margaret wasn’t at home to receive them.

Igorina · 04/08/2018 22:14

Why has "extrovert" become the new definition for "Great galloping obnoxious arsehole" all of a sudden?

It used to mean a person who was happy/confident in a group of people - I have seen so much unpleasant behavior explained away with "I'm a huge extrovert!".

OP Bob now thinks you fancy him and is rolling his eyes with Margaret.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 04/08/2018 22:16

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Namechangeforthiscancershit · 04/08/2018 22:26

So sad for Margaret, and so into Bob (though possibly not as in to him as OP).

OP are you super young? That’s the only explanation I can think of. If you are, think of this as a massive lesson. If you can also salvage the friendship then great.

BarbraDear · 04/08/2018 22:40

Kinda hoping Margaret is a Mumsnetter and see's how many people think OP was BU and that she isn't to blame.

JuJu2017 · 04/08/2018 22:43

I think you were unreasonable, yes, and quite horrible, too. Fair enough Margaret isn't as out-going as Bob and you were worried about having to be stuck to her like glue on the night out to make her feel happier, but a lot of people are just naturally shy and struggle to make friends. It doesn't mean they're anti-social or any way unworthy of being invited out. Margaret may have been psyching herself up for some time to be more independent and to go out more. I really think you need to understand that people who feel uncomfortable when they are out and about need support - not to be sent packing. She might have low self-esteem and feel very anxious in social situations, hence why she seems uncomfortable.

buckeejit · 04/08/2018 22:48

Maybe if the OP takes flowers & apologises it still isn't great for B&M and no doubt Bob will say so, but IMO better to apologise than do nothing, if the OP is genuinely Sorry.

RoseTinted1 · 04/08/2018 22:49

Wow. Sounds very much like @Kallo fancies Bob.
You were nasty. Don't be a home wrecker.

sue51 · 04/08/2018 22:52

If I was Margaret, I would tell her where to stick her flowers. It's going to take more than that.

PumpkinPiloter · 04/08/2018 22:54

I think OP is getting a really hard time.

Yes it was rude. Yes you owe her an apology. I would have just taken Margaret along with me.

However I would imagine most of us have at some point in time made someone upset due to us not wanting to spend time with them for whatever reason. It is better that she was honest than if she said nothing and then was rude to her/ ignored her all night. Which some people would find more reasonable. It would definitely have been more sociably acceptable to just bring her along and not interact very much. Would that have been better?

AnnieAnoniMoose · 04/08/2018 22:55

Your arrogance is astounding. Truly astounding.

I’d love to know how old you are and what it is about your life that makes you so arrogant.

MadMags · 04/08/2018 22:57

Some of you are really projecting! Nobody can say with authority that Margaret was definitely crying on the way home, and the suicide stuff is out of order.

IF Margaret attempts to kill herself, that's not OP's fault and nobody should be saying such a thing. Hmm

That being said, @Kallo what you did was utterly cunty. I would strongly suggest that you DO NOT turn up at their house, ffs! Who does that??

Just leave it alone. They are highly likely not to want your "friendship" anymore, and nor should they IMO.

ConfessionsOfTeenageDramaQueen · 04/08/2018 23:01

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar

I wasn't suggesting that the OP was meeting people who are so exciting (or whatever your word salad was trying to say) that no one else can keep up.

But most people have been in that situation where two disparate groups of friends meet and it can be awkward as each have their own in-jokes etc and it's so much worse when it's just one person + group of other people and you then feel responsible for making sure that one person is having a good time, doesn't feel left out etc which is not what the OP signed up for. I get that.

And since she's also been absolutely ripped to pieces on this thread I thought one slightly more supportive comment out of 500 (including ones that say "I hope you're crying OP") might make her feel less awful given she's already acknowledged upthread she made a mistake.

Nice of you to call me a "gobshite" though. You, meanwhile, sound like a complete cow.

Cornishclio · 04/08/2018 23:03

YABU. You were rude and an awful "friend". Not any sort of person I would have anything to do with so hopefully your ex friends will drop you now.

Maelstrop · 04/08/2018 23:04

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