To be annoyed she took my son back early?

[grumpymamma]

My mum looked after my son last night, she had previously said she will look after him until 'Saturday evening' by half 2 she was back with him 😐
Aibu?

OP I am so sorry you are in this terrible situation.
Grief takes over everything. I can't imagine how you are coping.
I lost my son 2 years ago and I am barely coping with day to day life.
Could your midwife put you in touch with support agencies? I am thinking of something like CRUSE or WAY ( Widowed And Young). Or single parent support groups.
There must be women in similar circumstances who need help around the birth of a child when there is no othrr parent to look after existing children.
I am in my 60s and in poor health, but if you were my daughter I would find a way to help you.

Ignore the grammar critics.
I can still barely string a sentence together or write a shopping list.
Before I got sick and my son died I was managing a team of people and running international projects, writing protocols etc.

I'm so sorry OP. I feel stressed just thinking about how things must be for you.

MN is really weird about family childcare - it's seems like grandparents can change plans, wholly inconvenience you, force you to rush to find solutions etc and you should still be slavishly grateful to them for deigning to spend time with their grandchildren. And in this case it's not like you were just having a jolly while your mum had your son - FFS, have people not read that you were in hospital for a blood transfusion?

I think it's a good idea to have someone else look after your boy if you have someone who can step in. Your mum doesn't sound very reliable.

I hope everything goes ok with the c-section, and I hope your beautiful new baby brings you some comfort as he or she will be a little part of your partner living on

53 is not too old to look after a 4 year old, unless they have physical issues in which case the age is irrelevant. I'm 50+ and I'd be insulted by the very idea that my age would impact on anything.

It sounds like she was nearby and just thought she'd drop home off while it was convenient and go and cook the meal. If she had any compassion and understanding she's have asked how you were, whether it was OK to drop him back and also offered to stay for a bit, clean the kitchen, watch the kids while you had a nap or popped to the shops for some food. That's what my mum would do if I was ill and she's over 80.

I'm sure she will cope when you're in hospital, maybe ask her a direct question about it, so that she has the opportunity to reassure you. to you for your section and the birth of your new bag

endoftheline, I'm really sorry to read your posts. Must be so, so difficult.
grumpymumma, I imagine it just sounds like a lot of white noise really when people express sympathy for your loss but I'm so sorry that you're going through this, it's unimaginable really.

I'm 50 and DD4 is 4 !!

Even more for you OP after your update. So sorry for your loss.

People are NOT entitled to go back on plans, be flaky, rubbish and generally behave extremely badly just because they are related to you and not receiving a salary from you!

I read 1 page and skipped to the end to say you are getting a ridiculously hard time on here... and I’d just scanned the last couple of posts above me and I can see that there a terribly sad reason behind all this which makes certain posters joy at ripping this thread apart even worse.

I know they couldn’t know about your tragedy, but the point is that you don’t just launch in on someone because you cannot assume you know their life story. And this goes to show how disgusting you end up looking when you end up having laid into someone like this.

I hope those people are suitably ashamed of themselves. And I hope you can ignore the way they behaved earlier on this thread. You have enough to carry right now

I hope you are ok. Maybe start another thread where you can get some proper support? X

I agree wellthisisshit

I think some people only post on mumsnet to pile onto people and make them feel shit. Maybe to make up for their own inadequacies, who knows. In particular I hope the posts sniping at the grammar of an exhausted, heavily pregnant, recently bereaved mum who has just undergone a serious medical procedure feel bloody ashamed of themselves. Sadly I doubt it.

Bloody hell this thread has brought some unpleasant people out!

All the pretend 'I can't understand your posts' bollocks, of course you can you smug twats!

The OP is a week away from giving birth, on her own and stressed - and you feel the need to pick over her GAPS! Ffs, just yuck.

OP, I'm sure your mum was just shattered. You could maybe ask her to text you next time, to ensure that you are actually at home if she wants to drop your dc off early. She obviously wants to help you.

Good luck with the baby.

Well said, Fabulously - not a word of support for the OP either but they're so arrogant as to think their corrective posts are worth the read. They're pathetic.

Missed your post there BakedBeans. It's horrendous and they're cowardly. I've reported all the ones I've seen, just reported a few others too.

Totally agree Fab and Lying

Spiteful posters the usual sheep 🐑 that seem to follow each other on MN

Just read the update. So sorry to hear your news. Based on that I find it bizarre that she is unwilling to help more. Surely DBro and his girlfriend can chip in and help out? I think you will need a few weeks support tbh. I think you can apply for help with childminding costs in this sort of circumstance. There is also homestart. Please give them a call.

You’ve buried your partner and about to pop DC3.
Your mother should be cocooning you and your children and totally enveloping all of you in love and protection.
She’s trying, I’m sure. But these are the times when you extend yourself to meet the needs of others.

If I were in your position I think my mum would be smothering me with love and help!
It's not unreasonable to wants at least a heads up to say she was coming home.
You're going through a lot, I hope you have support from elsewhere

So sorry for your loss op
Yanbu, you need lots of support and I'm disgusted your mum commented that she wants to sit on her arse and eat cake, ffs selfish woman

Your mum sounds like my mum what a bloody cow! I hope you get everythimg sorted

I’m so sorry for your loss, the stress you’re under and the terrible replies you’ve received on here (in amongst the lovely ones).

I don’t get the attitude to grandparents/free childcare thing on here. My parents never babysit (they live abroad now but didn’t offer when they lived here and don’t when we’re together). In fact they will happily go on about how they’ve ‘done their bit’ and how hard it is to be a parent etc...thing is my nana babysat all the time! My parents had a great social life! They simply don’t reciprocate the family benefits that they enjoyed.

When my daughters are grown up I’ll help them. If not regularly then at least for weekends away, school holidays and absolutely definitely emergencies such as you are currently undergoing.

It’s what families do - it just seems theirs a huge number of grandparents (not all) who have forgotten that these days.

Best of luck OP xxx

Some grandmothers are not the maternal types. How was your mum when you were growing up? That would be a good gauge to start.

I'm sorry you are having a tough time on here. You're in a no win situation.

I didn't have any support from my parents when I had my children. I have nothing to thank them for.

Hope you find someone who will provide your ds with excellent care. It's a tough time for him too. Take care OP. I hope things work out for you x

That’s unusual for a 4 year old to say that unless you or Granny has said something in the same vein that he’s picked up on

Hello

Even before your update, your Mum sounds like mine. Grandparent in name only and will let you down when most vulnerable to show they have the power. Your Mum is young so no excuse never mind you health herds and recent bereavement...my deepest sympathies...

You deserve so much better for you and your little ones..

I think because you are under so much pressure let her look after your soon, at least you know your daughter is well cared for.... and let it be the last time your mother minds him.
I know I sound harsh but my heart goes out to you....without meaning to be patronising..you are a trooper, and your Mum is useless and need s a slapsorry...I am in bad form, and the idea of her sending you photos of cooking meals of your brother is crass( by the way why aren’t they helping!)

...warned you I was in bad form...

However to you for being so together considering all of the major life events you are going through xx

Grandparents looking after grandkids is not childcare nor babysitting. It’s what family do. They help out. As long as people aren’t taking the piss I might add..... And anyone that disagrees has either an awkward or unaffectionate or cold or strained relationship with their parents and/or they will have the same with their children when they have grandkids. In your situation I thinks it’s sad that communication is limited. You should be able to ask your mum why without feeling that you should be grateful for what you get from her. Some people are just wired differently, I understand, but gee, you’re not asking her so you can go out partying every weekend! It’s for health reasons. YADNBU!!! Waiting to get flamed

@grumpymumma I’m so so sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine what you’re going through and YADNBU!!

You’re mum sounds like a narcissistic mother to me ... I have one of those myself!

I wish I could help you, you deserve to be supported through this time x

My heart goes out to you. I have four grandchildren and I will look after them anytime I'm asked to. The two oldest (6&4) come and stay the weekend with me and I have the one and a half year old lots of times and overnight. Not had the baby yet but she's brand new. I love children but I know lots of people don't. I think you need to have a calm conversation with your mum asking her if she still feels she can manage with your son while you are in hospital as if she doesn't you will have to find someone else can but you would love him to be with family. She must realize that you don't need any more worry,you have enough. I think if you just tell her you've found someone else to look after him she may feel offended and that could start a family row. You do need someone 's help after a section with a new baby and two young children. You need help to get strong enough to look after them. I'm 60 and do get tired when having the children but I know I can give them back and relax,I certainly didn't get tired like that in my early fifties. I wish you well and hope it works out with your mum,give her a chance and look forward to your lovely new baby.

OP, you are not BU.

Your mother offered something and then changed the plans without communicating with you, and as you’ve pointed out, it’s not like that can happen while you are in hospital having a baby. I completely get why you’d want to find elsewhere. I think being so heavily pregnant in this heat is hard enough without worrying what will happen with your eldest while you have your baby and have everything else going on that you do.

Was your 4yo aware of the plans of keeping him a few hours longer and therefore sad because she brought him back early?

MN seems to have lots of members that think involving your own family in the help of caring for your children is a crime and you suddenly owe them massively, but I am here to tell you that’s rubbish. Or if it is we are breaking that law massively and our families both love it.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine your pain. I hope you have the right support in place to help you through this. Sending lots of love to you, and please try to forget the rude, unempathetic posters on here. They have no idea what you are going through and no right to judge.