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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed she took my son back early?

252 replies

grumpymamma · 04/08/2018 17:16

My mum looked after my son last night, she had previously said she will look after him until 'Saturday evening' by half 2 she was back with him 😐
Aibu?

OP posts:
SalemBlackCat · 07/08/2018 09:00

I think sometimes people consider afternoon and evening to be the same or interchangeable. For example maybe your mother meant afternoon, in which case, 2pm is afternoon. However, you are in a lot of pain emotionally and it sounds physically too, in which case your mother should be much more supportive. At the risk of being yelled at by others though, I do agree with ClaireAnne1976, the first few posts contained no real information, just a short sentence. If the OP had included relative and pertinent info (not 'life story') in the OP, it really would have helped, but the OP was so vague, so much so the first poster to reply even sought clarification. Posters shouldn't have to 'rtft' to get the story, as it should be all in the OP. Reading the thread should only be for people reading other people's comments. It does get so frustrating because sometimes threads can move so very quickly, and if you are working on your reply, 10 people could have already responded and if you refresh before posting, you lose what you've typed out. So it is really, really truly vital that people put all the relevant info in the OP. It should be all there, there should be no need to 'rtft' in that circumstance. I mean, e.g partner, if anyone posts about a situation of child-minding, it is only reasonable to think someone will bring partner up, so why not put "I am on my own as partner is deceased" or even just "I am on my own" in the first post? Because even in that case, people will wonder where the late partner's mother/father is, as your unborn child is their grandchild. I honestly do not think it is unreasonable to expect that you shouldn't have to 'rtft' just to get information that should have already been in the first post.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/08/2018 09:02

Reading the full thread is needed because the conversation often moves on from the initial post. No one has to post on a thread they don't feel like reading.

SalemBlackCat · 07/08/2018 09:06

SnuggyBuggy that is true, however there would be a lot less clarification in posts needed if people included basic information in their OP. I truly feel for the OP, I honestly do. But the drip-feeding in this particular thread was truly bad.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/08/2018 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
grumpymamma · 07/08/2018 10:36

I did ask why she took him back early and her only reply was "ffs didn't realise I had to be back at a specific hour"
I just said yeah but I may not have been home she said she'd have just waited on the step.
She's offered to have him twice since and even again over night on Wednesday but not sure how I feel about that.
I don't get on with my brother and he doesn't live in the area so no he won't be of any help

OP posts:
parentin · 07/08/2018 10:40

Really what's wrong with all you people. If you can't be bothered to read. SIMPLE DONT READ AND DONT POST. Clearly those with you should have done this , should have done that. The woman is going through an extremely rough time, who gives a shit if you can't be bothered to read or don't like the way she gave the information.
If you have nothing constructive to say, just don't say anything. REALLY some of you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourselves, HOW WOULD YOI DO THINGS IN SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES!

LG123 · 07/08/2018 11:05

@SalemBlackCat

There was a enough information in the first page, people are just bloody lazy and can't be arsed.

SalemBlackCat · 07/08/2018 11:14

@LG123 No there was not. A one sentence OP shows it is not the commenters that are the lazy ones.

LG123 · 07/08/2018 11:21

@SalemBlackCat

I didn't say the first post. I said the first the page. Within the first page it's said that she was in hospital and she's just about have a baby which means she's heavily pregnant. That alone without the bereavement should have warranted better support from her own mother and better responses that what have been fired at her on here.

SalemBlackCat · 07/08/2018 11:28

@LG123 You are completely missing my point. Go back and read my posts on this thread. I said that information should have been in the...first....post. Not drip-fed over a page (or several).

322yellowcarnations · 07/08/2018 11:31

I'm not being pathetic, just trying to help out. Trouble with some of you is that you are just looking for people to have a go at. What empty lives some of you must lead.

And regarding the thread, my heart goes out to you OP - you certainly deserve better from your mother.

LG123 · 07/08/2018 11:39

@SalemBlackCat

I know what your point was and my point is people are just fucking lazy. It was within the first page, she's going through a tough time and may not want to bring up all that is going on at that moment, not to mention may not really have been thinking straight when typing the initial post what with all that's going on, it's probably quite easy to be vague and miss out information.

And I have read your posts, I have read the entire thread unlike some people....

LG123 · 07/08/2018 11:46

@322yellowcarnations

You only commented to give grammar advice, advice that had already been given. So yes that's pathetic. You had no reason to comment. You hadn't even mentioned the actual point of the post.

People looking for people to have a go at? Yes, the people who couldn't help but be quite rude to this poor woman who is going through hell. The rest of us are simply defending her.

P.S. Grammar Nazis are a waste of air when you've got enough going on and you don't give a shit.

annastasiabeaverhausen · 07/08/2018 11:58

Op I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can't imagine how hard it must be. I wish I knew you/was in the UK so I could lend you a hand Thanks

Winterbella · 07/08/2018 12:20

Surely if you are choosing to join an established conversation (ie several pages of responses to an OP) then you should RTFT to stop from making comments that are perceived as hurtful or just wrong.

There are no hard and fast rules about what should be put into an OP, the poster may not feel that minute details of her life ( lets face it very painful details in this OP's case) are relevant, therefore she didn't include them and that is fine and not necessarily a deliberate act to mislead people all the time ( I feel this is why people on MN take a hard line so as not to get taken in ).

In this OP's case the details weren't needed, the original question was about her son being brought back three hours before the "agreed" time and whether this was reasonable, and without an excuse I don't think it was. When you add in the factors of the medical treatment, the pregnancy and her sad loss. It now becomes even more clear that her mother is so far beyond reasonable its not even funny. This women deserves all the help she can get and an equal if not more helping of empathy form the posters on this forum. Flowers

322yellowcarnations · 07/08/2018 12:54

LG123

The advice had not already been given. If anyone is being pathetic it is you to make a big deal out of a genuine piece of advice - not grammar nazi. As I said, some people seem to us MN as a platform for their own anger at the world. Perhaps you should use a thread of your own for that and not tack your complaints on to someone else's thread.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 07/08/2018 13:25

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Flowers I’m also sorry you had some shitty replies. I don’t think you drip fed in a negative way, just shared more information as a response to questions asked. I cannot imagine what is going through your mother’s mind, I’d help my children in a heartbeat. I’d help a friend or a neighbour in that situation! It’s sad that she isn’t supporting you and you deserve better.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, look after yourself.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 07/08/2018 15:45

Shit, you've had a bloody terrible time of it!! You should be able to rely on your mum of all people. I thought the chocolate thing was jokey but the more you've said about your mum I'm not so sure. Have you got any friends that you can ask? If it were one of my friends in your position it wouldn't be a problem at all, it's only a night or so. Maybe their grandfather wouldn't mind? I definitely think it'd be good to get something else in place just so you're not stressed but if you can't she'll just have to deal with it!

LG123 · 07/08/2018 16:57

@322yellowcarnations

I think you'll find the advice you gave had already been given. If you actually read the thread you'd know that Wink

FYI - I don't start arguments/have a got at people in general. I just feel, along with others that people have been damn rude to the OP.

wood0032 · 08/08/2018 11:01

Grumpy I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I can appreciate just how difficult it is for you.

Your mother is being exceedingly selfish in my opinion but it does sound like she has her favourite child and isn’t afraid to show it. My MIL is the same. She has always been there for your youngest ds and his family but when I was due to return to work after having our ds she refused to help out at all. My dh has had issues there for a number of years so this was the final straw, unfortunately. As a result my PIL haven’t seen our ds since he was 6 months old despite living less than 5 miles away. On the flip side, my dp live a couple of hours away and have seen my ds regularly throughout his life and had him to stay with them for a few days if I’ve had to work away, etc. Only recently, they took him away on holiday with them. I am extremely grateful for their help and they love having him, even though they’re completely knackered after (my dm will be 70 this year and my dad has just gone 66, neither of them in brilliant health either).

Please ask around your social circle to see if anyone else could help out. You’ll need lots of support once baby arrives as well as while you’re in hospital.

Healing hugs xx

Cutesbabasmummy · 08/08/2018 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Winterbella · 08/08/2018 11:44

Cutesbabasmummy did you even read the thread! her husband died and shes having a baby and you think shes lucky, I despair !

pollygreen7 · 08/08/2018 12:01

I would be very concerned about DS crying 'nan does't want me'. Especially if you are about to have another child. Make other arrangements and don't put your DS in that position again. What I've learn't from my own parents is that they really don't change. I've spoken at length to my own parents about the importance of 'some' boundaries when they look after DS, or atleast trying to get him to follow instructions (ie, come in for dinner). They aren't really able to change.

If you can afford it could you get someone to come in and watch DS for you, or friends? I wouldn't leave my DS with someone who clearly wasnt fussed.

rinabean · 08/08/2018 12:23

Cutesbabasmummy what the fuck is wrong with you? Lucky to have a mother that doesn't care that she's been bereaved? Lucky to have a mother that clearly favours her brother and doesn't make the slightest effort to hide it? Lucky to have a mother who lets her own grandson feel unwanted by her? Really lucky! You are free to live closer to your mother if you actually want to by the way.

rinabean · 08/08/2018 12:23

OP you mustn't listen to any of these people being like this. I don't have a very good mother or a good relationship with her but even so, I would expect her to help me in circumstances like this and I'm almost certain she would. It's not asking too much of anyone, I would willingly help my neighbour more than your mother is helping you. I don't believe that everyone who made nasty comments actually has a less caring mother than mine - perhaps one or two do - so I'm pretty sure they're just being nasty. You probably shouldn't post in AIBU though because they're all just here to be like that and watch other people being like that anyway, your problems are their entertainment. I'm glad you got some normal replies too though.