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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed she took my son back early?

252 replies

grumpymamma · 04/08/2018 17:16

My mum looked after my son last night, she had previously said she will look after him until 'Saturday evening' by half 2 she was back with him 😐
Aibu?

OP posts:
hannnnnnnxo · 04/08/2018 19:10

You son may have just been a little bit more full on than she first expected (especially if she hasn’t looked after a child in a long time), so maybe she was a bit tired? I know it’s shit but very possible

Igorina · 04/08/2018 19:14

Oh, I'm so sorry, OP. Flowers

You deserve every bit of sympathy going.

Do not be afraid to ask for all the help you need. If there is ever a time to be "cheeky" or ask people to go the extra mile for you it's now.

You sound like you are doing amazingly given the circumstances. You should be really, really proud of yourself.

FilthyforFirth · 04/08/2018 19:16

I'm so sorry you are getting a hard time from the 'no one is allowed childcare from grandparents' brigade. They only exist on mn, never seen this weird attitude in real life.

At the very least your mum could have let you know she was on her way. You were hardly out socialising, you were in hospital.

Can you have a chat to say you will need her to be a bit more flexible when you are giving birth and to let you know now if that will be a problem?

In what world does a mother not want to help her recently bereaved, pregnant daughter out? It is madness the replies you have had on this thread, utter madness.

I really feel for you. Best of luck with the birth and I hope it brings you some comfort xx

ClemDanfango · 04/08/2018 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Magstermay · 04/08/2018 19:24

I also think you’re getting a hard time OP. Regardless of anything else I can completely understand you being upset/frustrated that you were expecting to have a few more hours to yourself then suddenly found your DS had come home with no warning. I hope everything goes well for you next week.

MarthaArthur · 04/08/2018 19:26

FlowersCake for you op.

The MN attitude is ridiculous and as a pp said it doesnt exist in real life. If your mother agreed to overnight and bring him home the next evening and came home hours too early without warning you have every right to be pissed off. Everyone else would as well. Do you have any nearby friends who could look after your son overnight even in your own house?

thenightsky · 04/08/2018 19:28

Fuck me, I'd not cope with the level of stress you are under OP Shock

No wonder you are disappointed in your mother's efforts. If you were my daughter I'd be bending over backwards to give you support in your extremely difficult circumstances. Jeez.

Oh... and YANBU!

mittensofsteel · 04/08/2018 19:29

You poor, poor thing. FlowersFlowersFlowers

I’m so sorry for your loss. Under the circumstances it was thoughtless of your mum not to have seen out the entire duration as agreed - if there was ever a time for family support it’s now.

I hope you get some rest. Surely there must be some sort of professional respite care available to you right now? Because you could bloody do with it Sad.

Coyoacan · 04/08/2018 19:30

So sorry you are going through such a difficult time, OP.

As a grandmother myself who is not brilliant with children, I think the problem lies in "The last time she looked after him was January". I look after my dgd frequently, so she knows that when I say "No" I mean it, for example, while I know her likes and dislike so looking after her is not particularly hard, but I find looking after other children really difficult.

SnuggyBuggy · 04/08/2018 19:32

This must be such an anxious time and I really hope you find a better solution

Uchafi · 04/08/2018 19:33

Having read this to the end I think your mother is being very selfish and unsupportive. You're heavily pregnant, have two children and recently bereaved. I don't know your personal circumstance but it doesn't sound like you've put yourself in this situation. You're having to deal with a new born coming alone. She knew you had a hospital appointment. In the circumstances the least she could have done was check when you got home and allowed you atleast an hour on your own at home.You're going through hell of a lot. Having some family support would be great. Lots of love to you. I'd be pissed off too.

And before the "grandparents don't have to help " brigade jump on me, fuck off. I have 3 children or my own and NO-ONE has them, ever. But this ladies situation is different and she bloody needs some time just to breathe. It's not much to ask. This is where family should jump in to support as much as possible.

Tess57 · 04/08/2018 19:35

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SnuggyBuggy · 04/08/2018 19:36

Very compassionate

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 04/08/2018 19:36

Tess read the fucking posts from the OP. She is bereaved, heavily pregnant, and doing this by herself.

Proud of yourself?

RowenaDedalus · 04/08/2018 19:37

Tess57- read the bloody thread why don’t you. She isn’t just hormonal. She’s having a horrible time.

PsychoPumpkin · 04/08/2018 19:37

I don’t see how you’re being unreasonable.

You have two young children and one on the way imminently.

You lost the father of your daughter less than 3 months ago, and are faced with raising all your children alone.

You just had a blood transfusion while heavily pregnant in a heatwave and all you wanted was a nap.

You were expecting your mum to bring your son home at an agreed time and you didn’t get that time you needed to recover from the hospital.

You’re doing amazingly well and I don’t blame you for being cross.

You deserve a big bar of chocolate, not your mum!

Beautifullymixed · 04/08/2018 19:38

OP, I'm posting from my brothers house, where I'm looking after his ds5, dd3, and ds1, while they have a two night, three day break away together.
I do this every year, and also at other times.
It's what family do.

I have three adult children, and cannot ever imagine letting you struggle whilst bereaved and pregnant - not in a million years!
Your mum is in the wrong, and should never have offered if she couldn't manage.

It reminds me when I was heavily pregnant with my fifth child, and found out that their father had another woman. He doesn't see them at all now.
The oldest children's father was unhappy I had moved on, and did nothing to help either.
I then suffered years of post natal depression.
It was a bloody struggle over the years, and my dad was a godsend. My mum not so, she enjoyed her parties and days out, while I cried in my flat, unable to leave the house.

Nearly twelve years later, I still haven't forgotten. Sad

My best wishes to you at this sad time. Flowers
Only rely on people who you can trust, and you know won't let you down, and keep telling yourself that you can do this.

You can!

TheWernethWife · 04/08/2018 19:40

I think the OP is in Ireland. I've heard people say they are "bringing" their children to the doctors, library, shops etc whereas in UK we would say "taking"

rainingcatsanddog · 04/08/2018 19:40

Yes yabu

"By the evening" means drop off mid/late afternoon

6:30-2:30 is a pretty long time. If she's been historically reluctant to babysit, why would you use her as your childcare?

Beautifullymixed · 04/08/2018 19:41

The more I read this thread, the more cross I get! Angry

I wish I was your mum OP.
I would be round like a shot, to clean the house, cook you a meal, and look after the little ones.
You would not have to lift a finger.

You need kindness and love at this time.
Flowers

rainingcatsanddog · 04/08/2018 19:41

I have just read your update and I am so sorry. Please ignore my post ThanksThanks

sagasleathertrousers · 04/08/2018 19:43

It's a bit shit for a grandma to get bored of her own grandchild so quickly. I think this rather a sad story.

worriedupstairsneighbour · 04/08/2018 19:44

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MarthasGinYard · 04/08/2018 19:45

Op so sorry just read update Thanks

Grandad sounds wonderful

LookAtIt · 04/08/2018 19:48

So sorry about your partner.

I think it’s understandable that you are disappointed but I think you are being harsh on your Mum. It’s been a hot day and it sounds like they had a good time. I wonder if your son was bored or wanted to come home. I think it was better for you Mum to bring him home when things are going well and he is still happy. Especially as I presume he might well be unsettled due to your partners death and the imminent arrival of a new sibling.

This way your son will still be happy to stay with her in future as it was a positive experience. If she had dragged out the visit until the evening he could well have got too tired and be less happy to go in future.
I think it’s a bit melodramatic to think it was because she couldn’t cope and therefore couldn’t cope if she has him while you are in hospital.

Unless she is stupid I doubt she would send you a barrage of text while you are giving birth and want to bring him to you in hospital. That would be silly. I’m sure it’s more likely she would just get on with it.
I also think the white chocolate thing is just a jokey request. I wouldn’t have taken any offence over it.

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