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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed she took my son back early?

252 replies

grumpymamma · 04/08/2018 17:16

My mum looked after my son last night, she had previously said she will look after him until 'Saturday evening' by half 2 she was back with him 😐
Aibu?

OP posts:
ADishBestEatenCold · 04/08/2018 18:18

"I'll have your son on Friday while you're in the hospital"

I don't really understand your complaint. I thought she did have your son on Friday!

Did she not?

I thought she had your son on Friday and returned with him at 2.30pm on Saturday.

So maybe three hours or so earlier than you expected, given that she'd said "Saturday evening", but a good enough 'practice run' I would have thought, and presumably (had you not yet been in) she would not have left him alone on the doorstep with a label fastened to the front of his top!

She had him on Friday night, she took him to the shops, got him ice cream, bought him a toy, took him to the park, and so they had their practice run!

"her idea but I will be finding somebody/something else."

You sound rather unreasonable to me, OP.

Original poster
grumpymamma · 04/08/2018 18:22

No I didn't project anything on to him, he said he had a nice time but added when my mum had left that nan didn't want him
I did say that was silly and changed the conversation back to what they did.
I don't have a partner.
I have thanked her for having him and gave her the chocolate that I got

OP posts:
ferrymeoff · 04/08/2018 18:22

Crop, get over yourself, you are a pompous poster.
And yes I do know that its bad grammar.
The poster is obviously stressed enough without you pouring on scorn to make yourself look clever.

RickyGold · 04/08/2018 18:24

Having your son all night and until 2 pm is pretty good going, my son comes back earlier from his dad's and I appreciate the break (not his dad taking him for one night, )I think you are being a bit harsh on your mother.

charliebear78 · 04/08/2018 18:24

I fail to see the problem really-She had him overnight and has already offered to have him again when you need help.
She brought him back at a perfectly reasonable time...When my Mum looks after my Son I always make a point of getting him back before Lunch, Partly because I miss him and want him back home and also because I think my Mum has done her part and does not need to have him for Lunch also...However if this was pre arranged and she came back early(your post is a bit confusing)then Yes,I would be a bit miffed but I sure would not be saying she couldn't have him anymore-that's cutting your nose off the spite your face IMHO

Original poster
grumpymamma · 04/08/2018 18:29

Maybe I am being harsh but as I said, it's not the fact it was afternoon or earlier than agreed, it was no communication. A text to say "I'm on the way" would of been handy. I'd only got in the door myself and as you can imagine being in hospital is stressful enough, it took me by surprise.
Other posters have advised me to get somebody else to have my son, I can't win.

OP posts:
Igorina · 04/08/2018 18:29

I get it.

I can only imagine what it must be like doing this alone - It's completely understandable that you are now a bit nervous that she may not be as reliable as you were hoping.

Laiste · 04/08/2018 18:29

You're heavily pregnant, if you're in the UK you're probably boiling hot, you have a 4 year old and an 18 month old and are worrying about your older DS when you go in to give birth next week.

I think you're entitled to be a bit flakey right now and stressed!

Sort out different child care for DS, thank your mum and tell her your alternative arrangement for DS next week [think up simple excuse], try and relax a bit, chill out and let all this wash over you now.

KittyHawke80 · 04/08/2018 18:30

I have to say I do agree that she’s being U in the sense I hate it when people offer something, you make absolutely sure that it’s ok - and then they start quipping about what you ‘owe’ them.

Igorina · 04/08/2018 18:31

Exactly, Laiste.

Well said.

charliebear78 · 04/08/2018 18:33

Yes I would be annoyed at the no contact-I hate not knowing what time someone is meant to be arriving etc....
Whatever you decide hope it all goes to plan

Original poster
grumpymamma · 04/08/2018 18:33

And if she did find it quite tiring and he was getting bored I don't want to force her to have to carry on with it, obviously I'll be in the hospital so it's not like she can drop him off earlier so I'd rather have somebody else that maybe able to cope better.
I don't want her to be struggling and me left with no option but to have my son in the hospital as well

OP posts:
Laiste · 04/08/2018 18:34

Why do posters take everything so dramatically? I don't think any one has suggested OPs mum can Never Have Him Again. Or that she should be grovellingly grateful because she needs childcare so constantly!

OPs having a baby next week and her mum was doing a trial run to see if DS would be ok at hers. It's gone a bit tits up because OP feels her mum might not be able to cope too well and doesn't know what'll happen when her mother hasn't got the choice of bring him home early cos OPs in hospital giving birth.

!!

ADishBestEatenCold · 04/08/2018 18:35

my youngests grandad had her.

You don't mention their dad, so am presuming he wouldn't or couldn't help, but what about their grandad.

I'm guessing grandad is from the other side (not your dad/your mum's husband).

Even so, could the two sides manage them between them? Perhaps your mum having both children through the day and the other grandparent having both children through the night, for example.

It does sound as if your mum made a good effort at this practice run, and will manage perfectly well.

timeisnotaline · 04/08/2018 18:37

The op is perfectly understandable. Fuck off to the grammar nazis , you need to work on your comprehension, you couldn’t get through Steinbeck among others if you can’t read some creative English. The op is heavily pregnant with 2 young children and no partner and has been in hospital- you’re not helping.

Laiste · 04/08/2018 18:37

It's stressing me just reading this thread OP and i'm not about to pop a baby out! GrinFlowers

Original poster
grumpymamma · 04/08/2018 18:39

My sons dad hasn't been involved in my sons life since I was pregnant with him.
I'm not even sure if he is aware that he has been born.
My daughter was being looked after by her grandad, my deceased partner. Grandad will have her when I'm in the hospital.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 04/08/2018 18:43

Yabu

And I think the chocolate thing was meant to be a bit of good natured teasing.

Costacoffeeplease · 04/08/2018 18:45

timeisnotaline

Fuck off yourself, the story was confusing enough without trying to work out if the child was brought or taken

Steinbeck?? Give over

SisterNotCisTerf · 04/08/2018 18:46

Thanks for you OP

I get it. You’ve a stressful time ahead of you. I hope everything goes smoothly next week.

Jenala · 04/08/2018 18:48

I don't think you're being unreasonable. People on mumsnet are always arsey about free childcare - I think a lot of people don't have it so feel to ask anything is ungrateful. But actually if someone offers to look after them until a certain time, it's a bit shitty to just not do it, particularly with no reason. If she had said he was tired and miserable or whatever then fair enough, but it sounds like she just decided she had looked after him long enough.

Just because someone is doing you a favour doesn't mean you can ask nothing of them, ever. For example if someone offers to drive you home for free then says actually I'll drop you two miles short I think it would be fair enough to be a bit put out. But if you posted that on mumsnet loads of people would say you should count yourself lucky they drove you any distance at all.

That being said, while I think you're not bu to be annoyed I don't think you can really say anything or be funny with her, since it was a favour. In this situation you are more beholden to the favour giver - precisely why I avoid using my mother for childcare now.

Igorina · 04/08/2018 18:51

OP I had a husband and reliable childcare in place and I was still a mess about leaving DS1 when I was having DS2.

No idea why as he has stayed with my parents overnight before.

You are more than entitled to be annoyed/stress/worried here.

How is your relationship with the grandad? Any chance of him looking after DS also?

It may seem like a big ask but if he is able for it and more reliable than your mum I wouldn't hesitate.

converseandjeans · 04/08/2018 18:56

I can see why you're worn out tbh. As others have said though 4 yo are hard work. However next week there will be no option to bring him back as you will be in hospital I presume. So she will just have to get on with it & if there isn't the option to bring/take him back anywhere then I am sure she is going to have to just deal with things. I wouldn't rock the boat as you may find her a huge help even if it's less time that you'd like. Good luck next week.

mumsastudent · 04/08/2018 18:57

maybe he was pestering to come home?

Original poster
grumpymamma · 04/08/2018 19:00

Not that it matters but it's not as if she's been my go to for childcare. The last time she looked after him was January so I don't expect her to be there constantly. She hasn't ever looked after my youngest so I thought with my son being older she'd prefer to have him (toilet trained etc, making it a bit easier) but she had him as long as she felt able to. I am grateful for that.
What I do not want is a barrage of texts of her getting stressed that she isn't handling it, she won't just be able to take him to the hospital and drop him off if she's finding it too much, hence I will get something else in place. Personally I think that's sensible.
Grandad is very reliable and bends over backwards to do everything he possibly can but I think the two of them might be a bit much for him, as he is a lot older than my mum and partially sighted. I also feel a bit funny about it as I don't want him to think I'm lumping my son on him when they aren't technically family, hence I thought both children going to their grandparents was a great idea.
I'm having a csection so handily know the date but at this rate I'll be discharging myself just so I'm not stressing about it.
I don't want sympathy or to derail my thread but I only buried my partner 11 weeks ago, it takes all my energy just to get out of bed these days. I'm absolutely winded with grief and I know he'd have played a big part of helping with the children and stuff 😭
Mum had my son as agreed, they both said they had a nice time, anything beyond that I'm BU ok accepted

OP posts:
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