Secret cleaner?

[ButtermilkBiscuits]

Basically I am a SAHM of an 18 mo old DS. He is a handful that I struggle to keep entertained all day and he's not a very good napper. Most days I'm lucky to get him down for an hour at most. As a result, I cannot stay on top of the housework properly. I've asked my DH if we can get a cleaner for the bathrooms and kitchen etc and he has flat out said no. I've explained that it's impossible to get anything done when DS is awake and when he's asleep I'm rarely able to get much done because he doesn't sleep for long. I've also explained the amount of stress that I constantly feel because the house isn't as clean as it should be. Still a firm NO.

The thing is, I'm largely in control of the finances. DH has his own business and he sends me 90% of the money he earns and keeps the other 10% for himself and materials as needed. He never checks my bank account or questions me about money. All of the bills come out of my account and also our savings is attached to my account. The only control he has is to tell me what to put in savings and what to keep on the current account but he never follows up or looks at the balances.

WIBU to just employ a cleaner behind his back? He'd never know and it would take a lot of my stress away but I'm not sure if that would be a breach of trust? AIBU?

You could get someone in occasionally from an agency. They are usually super efficient. No-one need know.

Why are you asking for permission?

You want a cleaner? Get a cleaner.

"We are getting a cleaner. She/he starts on Monday, twice a week. If you don't agree, then we will cut it to once a week and you can do the 2nd day, ok sweetie?".

Although tbh it sounds more like you're bad at managing your time (it only takes 15-20 minutes to clean a kitchen no matter what size) and DH doesn't chip in enough re: housework.

I suppose I shouldn't expect "me" time with a child.

You should if you have a partner.

Why are you up with him every day at 5.30? When does your DH wake up? And does your DH work till 8.30pm?

Tell him he needs to take DS out of the house for 2 hours a week or so, this way you have time to clean without interruption. Or he can clean when he gets home whilst you continue to entertain the baby?

just seems like as soon as I clean them, they are dirty again and it takes me a week to get back around to doing it again because I have to do laundry and basic cleaning like tidying up etc when he's asleep most days.

That sounds normal to me, a once a week clean of your rooms then tidying up as you go. Obviously I don’t know all the ins and outs of your domestic set up and how much mess is made.

Is it possible that you are magnifying the dirt in your house and see cleaning as a problem because you feel cooped up at home? Do you and your DS get out each day, even to the shops or a local park/library/ swimming pool?

Make sure you are getting time for yourself too, it’s not unreasonable to ask your DH to look after your child for a few hours. Are there any hobbies or classes you could take up?