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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Blues

130 replies

LoretoGirl · 04/08/2018 12:52

So your sister-in-law of 11 years ( never a cross word)is getting married and your husband is a usher and your daughter asked to be a flower girl so do you choose to come to your family’s important day or go to a friend’s wedding instead and stop your daughter being a bridesmaid?

OP posts:
FatCow2018 · 04/08/2018 12:53

Depends,if you've already committed to the friend its not on to then back out because someone else then books the same day

UpstartCrow · 04/08/2018 12:54

Ouch. I think I'd have to go to SIL's wedding and apologise to friend.

AnExcellentUsername · 04/08/2018 12:55

@FatCow Normally I'd agree but a SIL (and presumably the OPs husband's sister) isn't just "someone else"...

HirplesWithHaggis · 04/08/2018 12:55

Which invitation came first? I might go to the friend's wedding, but dh and dd should go to sil's.

Littlechocola · 04/08/2018 12:56

Family

EmUntitled · 04/08/2018 13:01

It depends on whether you have already RSVP to one of them. If so you should go to that one. If you haven't replied to either one, the "right" thing is probably to go to the family wedding but you wouldn't be unreasonable to go to the friend's.

Is there any reason why your husband and daughter cant go to the family one and be bridesmaid/usher while you go to the friend's wedding?

bridgetreilly · 04/08/2018 13:03

I think family trumps friends in this situation, sorry.

Bigpizzalover · 04/08/2018 13:05

Couldn’t you go to friends ceremony on your own and SIL evening reception or vice versa? DD can still be bridesmaid and DH can attend with her?

Glumglowworm · 04/08/2018 13:07

Reverse Biscuit

For a best friend I would go to their wedding and send DH and DD to yours SIL’s

Secretsquirrel101 · 04/08/2018 13:10

Toughie. They'd have to be a very very close friend for me to choose a friends wedding over a close family members wedding. Family comes first, within reason of course.
I'm calling reverse too.

chestylarue52 · 04/08/2018 13:11

So your brothers wife has decided to go to her friends wedding instead of yours, and take her daughter too?

I assume your brother had some say in what happens with his daughter too?

LePetitPont · 04/08/2018 13:12

Can you divide and conquer, so dad and dd at one and you at your friend’s? Or are they near enough to go to the day do for family then onto the friend’s evening do?

ThisIsntMeHonestGuv · 04/08/2018 13:13

It would depend on how close I was to the brides in question, and if I had rsvp'd.

This isn't a reverse, op hasn't stated which side they are. I suspect they are the one getting married, or closely linked to them, however.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/08/2018 13:15

Family

SparkyBlue · 04/08/2018 13:17

I would always choose the Family wedding

MatildaTheCat · 04/08/2018 13:20

Whole family attend the family wedding (unless it’s wedding number 5). I’m assuming you are the bride to be sil and hurt? Even if the mother was in a difficult spot and felt she must attend her friend’s wedding I can’t understand why her dd should be taken away from the family wedding. What did the usher brother say?

BananaToffo · 04/08/2018 13:23

It's not a reverse, Glumglowworm, because nowhere has the OP said that she's the bride OR the SIL.

Can't stand people who use the stupid biscuit icon thinking they're being clever.

Original poster
LoretoGirl · 04/08/2018 13:24

Sorry I didn’t mean to deceive. I am the bride. FFS this is my family I am so upset. I couldn’t believe it when she said she wasn’t coming.
Then this morning my mum comes to talk about 5 year old niece. My brother came round to hers last night. SiL feels that she won’t cope at wedding without her and other family will be too preoccupied to deal with her. SiL feels her day will be ruined having to dress niece in morning then be anxious during her preferred wedding about niece. She is totally accepting of my brother having to come to mine and no issue about 9 year old nephew (10 by time comes). Coming. Brother is upset about her not having time in spotlight but sees SiL’d point.

OP posts:
onanothertrain · 04/08/2018 13:28

I think your SIL is doing the right thing and is clearly trying to keep everyone happy

brizzledrizzle · 04/08/2018 13:29

Presumably the 5 year old copes at school without her Mum and she'll be with her Dad at the wedding and unless he's a total prat he should be capable of looking after his daughter?

LeroyJenkins · 04/08/2018 13:29

It's not a reverse, Glumglowworm, because nowhere has the OP said that she's the bride OR the SIL.

Can't stand people who use the stupid biscuit icon thinking they're being clever.

did you want a Brew with that biscuit?

SilverHairedCat · 04/08/2018 13:29

SIL wedding. Sorry.

happypoobum · 04/08/2018 13:30

SIL should attend whichever wedding she agreed to go to first.

If DN will be upset without her mother there, and MIL can't stand in for some reason, then I guess she will have to miss it. Is it possible DN has a few jitters about being BM?

Not worth falling out over to be honest.

SilverHairedCat · 04/08/2018 13:31

*sorry she's being so odd! I'd be asking your brother what's really gojng on here, and why they are expecting your mum to do all the talking for them.

HellenaHandbasket · 04/08/2018 13:33

I don't think that sounds overly unreasonable tbh?