People who are ALWAYS late

[Mammmoo]

A small someone who manages to get places on time (& yes I have children) AIBU to get pissed off with people who are always late to meet me? I mean surely these people get to work/kids to school on time?

Today we have relations coming to visit. 90 min drive, we do the other way (a lot) and it's a painless journey, we've never encountered traffic issues yet they do...every time. Today I'm making lunch for 1, only now they won't be here until 2 so we can "go ahead and eat if we are hungry."
I know I should make provisions for their being late but everytime I think maybe this time they'll manage to be on time?
They're not the only people I know who do this and it makes me so cross!

I am dyspraxic too. And I have a major anxiety about being late so I often give myself far more time than I think I need. So I am early. I bring a book usually and read until it's time.

Unfortunately, my anxiety ramps up when people are late and I start thinking 'Am I in the wrong place? Is this the wrong time? Wrong day? What did I do wrong?'

So you know, people who are on time can be anxious too.

Latecomers are just very optimistic about how many tasks they can fit into the same time window as "on time" people.

E.g. it takes 15 minutes to drive into town to meet me at 1pm so my latecomer friend leaves her house at 12.45pm. Should be fine EXCEPT she needs to stop at the garage to fill up the car, go to the cash point, find a parking space in town and then walk to the coffee shop. Each of the extra tasks takes another 5 minutes so now she's 20 minutes late, but she left home in plenty of time to meet me

Apparently people who are chronically late tend to be optimists. They think they can fit all the jobs in, travel to a meeting in the time they have and don't assume there will be delays. I don't have a link to the research but it was a BBC documentary years ago which has become a family mantra.

I'm chronically late and genuinely try to get to places on time. Fortunately I work for an organisation where everyone is also chronically late. Unfortunately DH is a stickler for being early (Not even on time). I'm a clean freak and he's the messiest person I know so we give each other a lot of leeway.

JeSuisPrest beat me to it 😁

Kardashian

I wonder myself!

Seriously though, I don't know why it's so bad. Your thought process above is what I do. So I will think "tomorrow we are leaving 5 minutes earlier", I get up super early, have everything organised for us both ( 15 year old ds leaves earlier, he has AS and I help him organise his day which doesn't help to be honest ) and then I get distracted with something and we're running again.

It is not good.

I have decided that from September all usual for me morning things I do before the school run can wait until I return. Things like making the bed, laundry etc. Only I can see them so it's not an issue or it shouldn't be.

This is what is frustrating for ds's school also, she is not late late as in 9.00/9.05, school starts at 8.55 and when we're late it's often under a minute. Sounds so ridiculous written down.

This thread has been good for me to see.

I am always on time. To the point of having to force myself to be late as l know the other person will be. Ìts the was l was brought up. But my dh was horrendous. He has dyspxic tendies. I noticed he never factored in the time to rtravel. So if he was meeting someone at 11 he left the house at 11 delighted with himself. I can to literally train him to factori in rravelling and parking etc. He is never late now but it took a while and strong words.
My dd is now always late. I think she enjoys the adrenenal rush from flying out the door on her last legs. She gets stressed if she is early. Mire strong words happening here as it drives me crazy.
With adhd and dyspraxia l think solid training is needed . Unlike others where it can come naturally. Its like dyslexia where they literally have to learn every thing again and again.

This boils my piss too OP. My family are always chronically late. Quite a few of my friends, too.

I get the mickey taken out of me for being so organised and on time always. Like it's a bad thing? Whereas the people who are always late are labelled laid-back, easy going and fun

I prefer to say "meet between 1pm - 1.15pm" for example now. Then I aim to be there for 1.10pm so I'm not late (it makes me super stressed) but if they don't show til 1.25pm ish then in my head they're only 10mins late and not 25...kinda makes sense ?!

I'm an on time person, always. The only time I'm ever late, and it's late by hours!, is when I'm visiting my sister. But she lives 500 miles away and I have to tackle that bloody awful M6 and A1!

8 hours drive my arse! I've never taken less than 11 hours. She knows not to expect me on time though.

So your friend JeSuis, I see her reasoning, but whatever I'm doing, whenever I have a time I have to be at a certain place at, I think to myself... do I need petrol, I wonder if I'll be able to park, oh hang on there's roadworks etc etc so I allow an extra 15 minutes or whatever, because of these things and because I actually don't want my friend stood outside the coffee shop for 20 minutes waiting for me. Why can't other people like your friend do this? It's not hard.

I saw a Facebook quote recently which said something like “I got here as soon as I wanted to.” For some people who are constantly late with no decent excuse it probably just about sums it up.

I have a friend who is always 1-2 hours late when we meet, always with some far-fetched excuse. Sometimes she doesn’t turn up at all or cancels an hour after she should have arrived. I have given up trying to maintain our friendship as she clearly doesn’t value mine.

I have a phobia about being late and I am always early. As a consequence I find it difficult to cope with people who are late as I see it as the height of rudeness. I have finished with boyfriends and spurned friends rather than be the one waiting around.

My DP and I both have older sisters who are the eldest. Both are ALWAYS late. We tend to factor this in by reducing by 30 minutes any meeting up time.

@Zoflorabore thank you for answering. So is it that your perception of how long tasks take is off? So, you think making the bed takes 2 minutes when it actually takes you 5?

It also sounds like your ‘cut off point’ for leaving later than it should be. So, my absolute cut off time to leave would probably make me 1/2 mins early or just on time if say, traffic was bad, whereas your absolute cut off point to get out the door makes your a couple of mins late?

Good luck for your new plan in September!

I have a lot of anxiety about being late - I will always turn up early for something. I would rather sit in my car or a coffee shop for half an hour than leave my friends waiting for me. I also hate lateness in others because it makes my anxiety so much worse (what if I've got the place wrong? Did we say a different time? What if they've been hit by a bus? Etc). But I do appreciate there's anxiety on the other side too sometimes, it's just people who say "oh, you know me, I can't be on time for anything" and laugh that really annoy me. If you can be on time for work, you can be on time for lunch. I'm getting married soon and several of my family members are chronically late. I've told them that the ceremony will start on time whether they're there or not and if they miss it it's their own fault.

I'm the same as you Roussette, but I'm naturally a "planner and lists" kind of gal. My friend most definately is not. I'm the one with clean tissues, elastoplasts and wet wipes in my bag. She has a phone with 3% battery charge and credit card in her jeans pocket, BUT she is my soul sister and she'd throw herself under a bus for me without thinking about it, so I use those 20 minutes I'm waiting to meal plan/write shopping list. 😳

I’m genuinely interested. How do the chronic late people manage work? I manage a large team & if a person was consistently late they wouldn’t pass their probation.

Funnily enough JeSuis I have a friend who was always late but I think my promptness has rubbed off on her because now... decades on... she is much better than she used to be!

Yanbu. And when they brush it off "gosh I'm so disorganised! I'm always late it's just who I am I can't change that!"

Yes you can. Knob.

My mum is one of those late people. It's because she always thinks she has time to just hang the washing out, or hoover the lounge or change a lightbulb type thing.

It's installed in me a horror of being late, so we turn up early. I expect my dc will be late because they hate being too early.

Ooh, a tip for chronically late people...

The time at which people want to be notified you are going to be late is BEFORE the time you are due to meet.

Not at the time or after the time. If it takes 30m to get somewhere, and it's 10m til the meeting time, TEXT IMMEDIATELY. Then the people you are holding up can sort themselves out.

DHs stepmother is ALWAYS late.

We got married at 3pm but arranged a “special” invitation for FIL and SMIL that had the time of 2.30. They arrived at 3.05 just as I was about to start down the aisle!

FIL usually visits us on his own and is ALWAYS punctual then but if SMIL is with him then I don’t even start cooking until they arrive (I just make sure I am doing something simple).

I have ADHD and I have a really shit concept of time, plus I can never find my keys/phone/purse/bag/shoes. Or one of the kids shoes is missing, can't find them any matching socks, etc etc. Two of my three children have ADHD too so our house is quite chaotic. I'm always stressed and embarrased about being late and feel awful, but it happens a lot.

I can't stand lateness. It's easy to plan ahead, work out what needs to be done and factor in time for that. I know that a major traffic incident or something can't be factored in but that's rare.

I have a relative with dyspraxia and they have got themselves sorted, they don't use it as an excuse to inconvenience others.

I run my own business and sometimes have clients arriving late. "Ooh, sorry I'm late again" with the idea that I somehow find it cute. Well, no, actually I don't, and they just lose a part of their time with me because the next client will arrive on time. Not a problem for me, the late person still has to pay the same. With one chronically late client I deliberately schedule a well-organised person straight afterwards so there's no chance of being expected to overrun to compensate.

Still no one has answered how people with anxiety and other conditions get to work/flights and appointments on time but not to meet their friends :/ ?

Lateness = rudeness. It just does. I have a cousin who arrives at things when she wants to arrive, regardless of anyone else. You invite her for lunch at 1, she turns up at 3.30 (true story). You book a restaurant table at 12.30, she gets there at 2.

It's inexcusable. And why should we all work around her? She's single, no kids, no newborn, no disability - no excuse. It's 'just how she is'. We make no plans with her any more.

Still no one has answered how people with anxiety and other conditions get to work/flights and appointments on time but not to meet their friends

My MIL does not.

We have to help her get to important appointments.