People who are ALWAYS late

[Mammmoo]

A small someone who manages to get places on time (& yes I have children) AIBU to get pissed off with people who are always late to meet me? I mean surely these people get to work/kids to school on time?

Today we have relations coming to visit. 90 min drive, we do the other way (a lot) and it's a painless journey, we've never encountered traffic issues yet they do...every time. Today I'm making lunch for 1, only now they won't be here until 2 so we can "go ahead and eat if we are hungry."
I know I should make provisions for their being late but everytime I think maybe this time they'll manage to be on time?
They're not the only people I know who do this and it makes me so cross!

Er . ..you may be as green as you're cabbage looking. What do u mean she ate your meal!!! Ishould bloody cocoa. We'd be having words. Sharp ones.

@longwayoff

I was doing the very British thing of seething silently... 🙄

I was so cross, but.. I’d have ended up looking like a dick and my family would have laughed, or there’d have been a big fall out... as pissed off as I was, I haven’t got head space for the drama 🤷🏻‍♀️

Consistent lateness makes me so angry. I'm always early (I don't expect other to be, on time is more than good enough) so I end up waiting around even longer than I'd expected to. It's worse when they don't even have the courtesy to let you know

I was just 10mins late meeting someone this morning but my record is over 2hrs 😳

That's a long time ago now though and I am rarely late these days so not beating myself up about today. It is a bit selfish on a regular basis but then you can go with 'I know x is always y mins late' and either tell them earlier times (though I used to know I was being told an earlier time so that trick has a limited shelf life) or be ready to deal with the lateness.

Time running away with you on tasks can happen so I try not to get het up about lateness especially given my previous lateness.

I would be a bit more prepared to leave them to it (order myself, leave or whatever) these days rather than sitting with the worry of them being late.

If they don't care why should I and if it means they miss out then that's on them not me.

I did apologise to person I met today though and as a one off they didn't sweat it.

I get more annoyed at people being early Now that's really irritating.

Don't worry mammmoo, primal is probably one of those who is chronically late

Not chronically, no. Relaxed sometimes about timings on both sides, yes. But this one runs every so often and gets very heated.

There was a thread a year or two ago about this and I learnt something....

There are a very very small minority of people who literally cannot help it. It's due to either anxiety or something else. For them, they don't want to be late, they try their best but it all just unravels and they are regularly late.
For those people, I have no beef. I'll tell them a different time than I would expect them, and I'l work round them somehow, because at least they're consistent in their lateness.

Then you get the people who just don't care and think their time is more precious and would go ape shit if they were the ones who were left waiting for you to arrive.

Then there are the ones who are just scatty and don't leave enough time because they are disorganised.

The second two categories do my head in!

I have relatives like this. There's always some excuse but it happens every time. It's down to one particular person in the family who doesn't think it matters if the dinner you've been labouring over is ruined, because they have no consideration. However, I note that when it comes to a close relative on this person's own side, apparently they don't ever dare to be late for a meal.

I now try to rise above it. It's enraging but I think staying impassive and thinking evil thoughts is the only practical way to go. Sadly.

I wouldn't sit there hungry waiting for them. I would go ahead and eat and explain they were late.

Roussette That'd be my DD, she has OCD and gets very anxious, often spending 3 hours getting ready and still being late. Those of us who love her never mention it because she becomes so distressed. We just work around it.

There are a very very small minority of people who literally cannot help it. It's due to either anxiety or something else. For them, they don't want to be late, they try their best but it all just unravels and they are regularly late

This is me. It’s connected with my ADHD. However I know it’s rude, and I do really try my best to get places on time and CBT helped me a bit as well. I do my best to help it but it’s difficult.

Fair enough cabbage, I feel your pain and would probably do the same. Just doing a bit of projection there.

I have replayed the scenario in my head many times with different outcomes 😂😂

In reality though, I’ve learnt from it.. and I’ll be ready not to be caught short next time! I’ll not be waiting for her again, and I’ll have my eyes peeled for my meal coming out of the kitchen 👀👀

My last boss was chronically late for absolutely everything. She was always at least 45 mins late for every meeting we had. She’d be willing to give you her time once she arrives...but then you’ll be 45 mins late for your next meeting too. She constantly took the piss out of me for being ‘too organised/boring/OCD’ etc - just because I was always on time for things and she wasn’t. She doesn’t know it but I actually am OCD and that used to wind me up. Not my fault you’re so disorganised love.

Exactly creddo. I got into a long convo with someone on a thread like this and I was educated, I really was. The person concerned was like your DD, and like NotEvil, and she really tried to make it out on time, but different things conspired against her and that just didn't happen. Bottom line was... she really wanted to be on time and that's what matters. We all make allowances for those who struggle.

But as for the selfish arses who know you are hanging around waiting but still don't get a wriggle on... they need to rethink!

Also have to say, it works the other way too. I don't have anxiety as such but if I get anxious about anything it is about being late. I hate being late with a vengeance.

So much so, I always allow extra time. I don't arrive early and make a fuss, I wander around so no one knows I'm early, but I would so much rather that than being late

My friend is always late so now I tell her that we will have lunch meet somewhere half hour later than I say. So if I'm meeting her at 1pm I say ill see around 12:30pm...then she and I turn up around 1pm... Problem solved. It was real annoying but now she is on time!! 🤣

I knew someone who used to thing it was charming, eccentric part of her personality. I gave up on meeting up with her in the end. I do think it's rude and disrespectful of others' time. Work out how long it's going to take to get somewhere, add on say, 10 15 minutes for traffic etc. How hard is it? And I know, it's hard if your depressed, agoraphobic, dyspraxic etc. She wasn't.

I used to always be late. Always. I was improving before dc but since dc am nearly always ontime (nappy explosions, toddlers refusing to wear shoes etc are the causes now). Looking back I realise that it was terrible anxiety. I worried about getting there, the bus, did I want to go, would I be late (!), am I wearing the right shoes, do I need a wee... Ridiculous, all of it but very real at the time. Dc have forced me to just do things as I don't want them to see me anxious or struggling. So now I am on time, organised and calm.

I am occasionally late, but when it comes to important things, I'm not. I'm also never more than 15 minutes late when i'm meeting others and I let then know.

I had a work collegue in a different setting, a SW, who I would phone when she was supposed to be here and she would say "I'm trying to get there, i really am", many a time I wanted to shout "just get off your arse and go, then". She would be the same over making calls, doing paperwork again I'd want to shout "just pick up the phone/pen/turn the computer on". She was painful to be around. She relied on Court always being behind.

I wondered why my Sister was always late. She simply tries to fit too much stuff in, leaves everything until the last minute and won't hang up the phone/tell people she can't chat.

I am occasionally late, but when it comes to important things, I'm not.

Which means that being late is entirely within your control. If you're late meeting friends, this is basically your way of showing them that they aren't important to you.

I rarely travel on the M25, but everytime I have in the last 6 months, I am stuck in traffic, doesn't seem to matter the day or time but there is always something, my mum never gets stuck in traffic, I started showing her my dash cam to prove that is was the traffic and now me making excuses

*not

So if someone has anxious about driving, they take steps to work around it (bus, partner driving, extra lessons etc). If someone is scared of heights they avoid them etc. For people with social anxiety, they avoid social situations.

For those who say they are always late because of anxiety or some other mental health issue, why don’t you take steps to help It? Rather than just saying, I am late as I have anxiety and everyone else just has to accept it?

I get very stressed (ridiculously so) at being late so I take every step to be on time and if someone else is late, I struggle to cope and really have to manage my stress levels as I know it is my issue. it just seems the opposite type of people just say it is one of those things and don’t seem to try and mitigate it.

Everyone on here who has said “I am late because of [insert legitimate reason]” hasn’t said what they do to help it or have I missed something?

But what are important things?

All appointments are important to me. A doctor's appointment is important. Meeting a friend after work is important. Picking a friend up to take them somewhere is important. I just don't know what is unimportant unless time is flexible because otherwise you are keeping someone waiting somewhere.