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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who are ALWAYS late

167 replies

Mammmoo · 04/08/2018 12:42

A small someone who manages to get places on time (& yes I have children) AIBU to get pissed off with people who are always late to meet me? I mean surely these people get to work/kids to school on time?

Today we have relations coming to visit. 90 min drive, we do the other way (a lot) and it's a painless journey, we've never encountered traffic issues yet they do...every time. Today I'm making lunch for 1, only now they won't be here until 2 so we can "go ahead and eat if we are hungry."
I know I should make provisions for their being late but everytime I think maybe this time they'll manage to be on time?
They're not the only people I know who do this and it makes me so cross!

OP posts:
nicebitofquiche · 05/08/2018 08:26

It's rude and disrespectful. I hate people who are late without very good reason. I don't accept that some people can't help it.

nicebitofquiche · 05/08/2018 08:26

It's rude and disrespectful. I hate people who are late without very good reason. I don't accept that some people can't help it.

Crankywitch · 05/08/2018 08:33

And I hate people who are judgemental about punctuality. Some people place more value on traits such as kindness compassion, tolerance, understanding and being easy going. While other people place more value on punctuality, reliability and attention to detail.

Broken11Girl · 05/08/2018 08:33

Chronically late here. I have dyspraxia and MH issues, am genuinely not being a twat, so agree with PrimalLass etc.
What really pisses me off is my sister who insists dinner (Christmas, Easter, birthdays etc) will be on the table at 1 and not 1:03, and sends increasingly agitated texts telling us to arrive by 12.30, no, 12, no, 12.45... because otherwise her kids will turn into monsters, so I have days of anxiety about being ready and getting there or everyone will be angry with me...genuinely get so stressed I can hardly eat any of said lunch anyway...and said meal is served at 3 Angry

Broken11Girl · 05/08/2018 08:34

And what Crankywitch said.

Herefortheduration · 05/08/2018 08:37

My 16yo ds has OCD and has a real debilitating fear of being 'not last' to arrive places. He is late for everything. When he has to be somewhere at a certain time, such as a train etc. He sits in his bedroom in a total panic as he knows he needs to go but can't make himself get ready. It's heartbreaking to watch and it is ten times worse for him. I often sit outside his room and chat so he can calm down enough to get ready. He's a very otherwise self assured, confident and outgoing boy and only a handful of people would have any idea that this is happening in his life.
Obviously this is rare so not the excuse for most people, but it is very upsetting when he gets mocked for it, although he laughs along with people to brazen it out. Worse still is when people are nasty to him about it and it's very counterproductive.
I'm not saying simply accept it from people and get walked over, but maybe ask why to give them the opportunity to either tell you or apologise etc.

Herefortheduration · 05/08/2018 08:37

My 16yo ds has OCD and has a real debilitating fear of being 'not last' to arrive places. He is late for everything. When he has to be somewhere at a certain time, such as a train etc. He sits in his bedroom in a total panic as he knows he needs to go but can't make himself get ready. It's heartbreaking to watch and it is ten times worse for him. I often sit outside his room and chat so he can calm down enough to get ready. He's a very otherwise self assured, confident and outgoing boy and only a handful of people would have any idea that this is happening in his life.
Obviously this is rare so not the excuse for most people, but it is very upsetting when he gets mocked for it, although he laughs along with people to brazen it out. Worse still is when people are nasty to him about it and it's very counterproductive.
I'm not saying simply accept it from people and get walked over, but maybe ask why to give them the opportunity to either tell you or apologise etc.

Herefortheduration · 05/08/2018 08:37

My 16yo ds has OCD and has a real debilitating fear of being 'not last' to arrive places. He is late for everything. When he has to be somewhere at a certain time, such as a train etc. He sits in his bedroom in a total panic as he knows he needs to go but can't make himself get ready. It's heartbreaking to watch and it is ten times worse for him. I often sit outside his room and chat so he can calm down enough to get ready. He's a very otherwise self assured, confident and outgoing boy and only a handful of people would have any idea that this is happening in his life.
Obviously this is rare so not the excuse for most people, but it is very upsetting when he gets mocked for it, although he laughs along with people to brazen it out. Worse still is when people are nasty to him about it and it's very counterproductive.
I'm not saying simply accept it from people and get walked over, but maybe ask why to give them the opportunity to either tell you or apologise etc.

Herefortheduration · 05/08/2018 08:38

You didn't need to see that 3 times, sorry. Stupid phone!

Happygoldfinch · 05/08/2018 08:44

I don’t think that the traits of kindness and compassion are mutually exclusive from being a good timekeeper! You can be all of those things! And being “easy going” is all well and good - but if that’s being used as a justification for being persistently late and meaning people have to wait for you, that’s not being easy going - that’s being downright selfish.

Broken11Girl · 05/08/2018 08:45

Toasty I was diagnosed with dyspraxia as an adult, worth pursuing Flowers

FrancisCrawford · 05/08/2018 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Happygoldfinch · 05/08/2018 08:45

@herefortheduration - that sounds so sad - poor lad Sad

zippey · 05/08/2018 08:50

It doesn’t bother me. Sometimes I’m late, sometimes I’m early and sometimes on time. If others are late or early it doesn’t bother me. It could be for a host of reasons. Late people are usually more relaxed about the world I find. On time people are usually fixated on not being late.

Time is a social construct anyway. It doesn’t really exist.

Broken11Girl · 05/08/2018 08:51

And to the judgemental ones, yup I AM OFTEN late to important appointments, choose flexible work, so try to imagine some people struggle and it's not personally being lazy scum to deliberately piss you off, get off your judgemental high horses ok, not that you will because late people are scum soooo inferior to you eh

Happygoldfinch · 05/08/2018 08:53

@broken11girl Inferior in terms of timekeeping, yes.

MinaPaws · 05/08/2018 08:55

A friend of mine is always late. I hate it. It's a sign that your time is less valuable than theirs. She always apologises and I say I play a game where I see how many jobs i can get done between the time she claims she;ll arrive and the time she actually does. That way, I don't hang around feeling resentful.
Another friend is always late too but she's different somehow. She is just a bit disorganised, and so thoughtful and caring in other ways that it never comes across as, 'You're B grade. You can wait.'

Accountant222 · 05/08/2018 08:57

It drives me insane especially when the offender has given me the time.

My mother before Alzheimer's was the worst, I used to say 'you will be late for your own funeral, oh but no you won't because I'll be organising that'

Accountant222 · 05/08/2018 08:57

It drives me insane especially when the offender has given me the time.

My mother before Alzheimer's was the worst, I used to say 'you will be late for your own funeral, oh but no you won't because I'll be organising that'

SnuggyBuggy · 05/08/2018 09:00

Persistent lateness shows a lack of respect for other people's time.

twoshedsjackson · 05/08/2018 09:02

My late father was Type 1 diabetic; this may not seem relevant, but if you know the condition, you'll appreciate that the insulin dosages have to be precisely timed to work with the right foods at the right time. My cousin, who regularly stayed, fondly reminisces how super-accurate mealtimes were, and my DM's cooking was definitely worth turning up for! (It took me years to realise that a little leeway on mealtimes was not the end of the world...)
But other relatives could not take this information in. Once invited for a meal, they got extremely huffy when we went ahead without them; Dad would genuinely have been in a bad way if we hadn't!
Sometimes, it really can't be helped if you're late - but you have to accept, in those circumstances, that things may move on without you.

nicebitofquiche · 05/08/2018 09:09

I think it's kind to be on time when meeting people. Leaving people hanging around in a public place waiting is a very unkind thing to do. In my experience my chronically late (now ex) friends were always on time for dates and job interviews.

Kardashianlove · 05/08/2018 09:12

I am occasionally late, but when it comes to important things, I'm not. I'm also never more than 15 minutes late when i'm meeting others and I let then know.

But this means you are choosing what you are late to. Being 5/10/15 minutes late is still really rude and disrespectful even if you let the person know.

thecatsthecats · 05/08/2018 09:21

There's a fourth category.

My boss is incredibly literal stupid. If a train is scheduled to arrive at 10, and it's a 25m walk to the meeting location, he will schedule a meeting for 10.30.

Except it always takes more than 25m because he didn't factor in the size of the station and being slower for finding directions etc so arrive 5m late. And when you arrive, the people at the venue have to be summoned from their office, taking another 10m, then getting a coffee...

Sooooo many times, a two hour meeting we traveled four hours round trip to get to was cut to 1.5h when we really needed the whole time.

So there are people who THINK they're being organized, but fall woefully short.

Kardashianlove · 05/08/2018 09:29

@Zoflorabore well done for being honest with the staff and wanting to sort it.

Can I ask though as I’m genuinely curious; you say your DD is never late but always running in behind everyone else. So you manage every day to (just) get her there on time. Why are you unable to do exactly what you’re doing but leave 5 minutes earlier?

Also, what is it that makes you ‘unable to learn from your mistakes’? So, say you leave the house at 8.45 and it makes you all stressed as your DD is running in after everyone, what makes you unable to say to yourself ‘I never want that feeling again so I need to make sure I’m out the door by 8.35’

I hope I don’t sound critical, I’m genuinely interested in the thought process behind this.

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