People who are ALWAYS late

[Mammmoo]

A small someone who manages to get places on time (& yes I have children) AIBU to get pissed off with people who are always late to meet me? I mean surely these people get to work/kids to school on time?

Today we have relations coming to visit. 90 min drive, we do the other way (a lot) and it's a painless journey, we've never encountered traffic issues yet they do...every time. Today I'm making lunch for 1, only now they won't be here until 2 so we can "go ahead and eat if we are hungry."
I know I should make provisions for their being late but everytime I think maybe this time they'll manage to be on time?
They're not the only people I know who do this and it makes me so cross!

I have a friend who is (obsessively) early for everything. We could arrange to meet at 1pm - she will arrive 12.40 ish. I will arrive at 12.58. She then gets huffy at hanging around for me , changes the time we were meeting to 12.45 and apparently this make me late.
Really very irritating- I make her come to me nowadays.

I'm often late, I have a 4 month old DD and Just as I'm about to leave the house we end up with a poo explosion or being sick over herself, sometimes it can't be helped. I do call or send a text to explain though

I am also dyspraxic but have time anxiety I guess you could call it. 1 minute late and I get super anxious the person im meeting has already left😳or I'm really early and they don't want to see me

Just a suggestion to save your blood pressure, if this happens regularly and these people are coming to visit you at home, preempt their late arrival by planning to serve food at a time you know they'll be there or serve something cold buffet style that won't spoil while you wait. Have a mid morning snack yourselves so you don't get too hungry. No, you shouldn't have to and yes they're rude but you know they're going to be late and are not going to change so sometimes it's easier to work around annoying people than get steamed up about them.

I have dumped friends over their lateness. It's incredibly rude.

I don't think there are any excuses for it. If you are always late, get up an hour earlier and do everything as you would normally.

I agree with not pandering to it. If you are in a group, go ahead and order.

If I was meeting one on one, I'd give them 15 mins and then go home and not answer any call or texts for a good few hours so they can hopefully sit there waiting for you. And when they asked what happened, I'd say I assumed they weren't coming.

Another thing to bear in mind traffic coming towards you isn't necessarily always the same as going away from you. They're not necessarily lying about hold ups and traffic problems. We're going to a surprise birthday party about 150 miles away tomorrow, going it will take us about 2 1/2 hours, coming home we'll be lucky to make it in 4. We live in a very highly trafficked area and getting out of here is easy, getting in not so much. The times you travel can make a difference too.

I’m always early. I have late phobia lol. My friends are always late and half the time I don’t know where they are. We don’t live close so have to travel by bus. They will say they’ll be there in 10 mins but 20 mins I’m still waiting and then I just get ignored. If I ever meet them which is very rarely, they always rearrange the time. If we agreed to meet up at 12 for example, I know what time to wake up and make allowances for travel time. And then I’ll get a message saying can we meet up at 1 instead because I’m still in bed and I haven’t got ready yet! Why should I have to get up early whilst the other person gets to take their time!

Those that do have anxiety or similar, how do you get to doctors appointments, interviews or even flights. Because those things cannot wait. Are people just late to them like they are with meeting friends? Just curious.

I think it can be really exhausting though when someone is constantly late and they know it upsets you/has knock on effects re work/reservations/plane departures!

After awhile even the coolest of the cool and most patient person has to take a stand.

I guess that's when you find out if there is someway to work through it or if they just don't respect you enough to make the effort.

Rude and selfish. I had friends who did this once they turned up 2 hours late for a lunch meet up. I stopped waiting for them everytime they were late and they stopped doing it.

I'm always late, no matter what time I start getting ready. I really, genuinely try but nearly always fail.

I get DD to school mostly on time because we have a very strict routine and I know from trial and error, what time I need to do each part of getting ready.

A routine like this isn't really possible for an impromptu meet up in a cafe or whatever, and I really struggle with knowing how much time I need to do certain things.

It's interesting that a previous poster mentioned dyspraxia, as I was told in school that I probably had this, but my parents didn't want me to be assessed.

For what its worth, I hate being late, and I try really hard not to be. I often get up very early if I have to go somewhere first thing in the morning but it doesn't always work.

I have a close friend who is ALWAYS late when we meet. She doesn't work and doesn't have DC, so I really don't think there is an excuse. Once now and again, fine, but it's every time. We meet midway between our houses and I'm always there on time, even though out of the two of us, my journey is more likely to have traffic hold ups. I even started telling her to meet me 15 mins later than I intended to meet her, but she was STILL late! It's just rude. MIL, however, takes things to another level. I think 30 mins late is the nearest she's ever got to being on time, and over 2 hours late is the worst (apart from just not showing up at all, which she has done occasionally). She arrived at DS's 1st birthday tea half way through, even though she'd been the one to insist we have it. I've locked her out in a very passive aggressive way on occasion. It came to a head a few years ago: she rang wanted to come round - she suggested 2pm. DH said OK, but can you let us know if you're going to be late as we want to take DC to the park around 4pm. No problem. So she and her DH rock up at 3:45pm and when my DH asks her what on earth she's playing at, he gets a mouthful from her DH (not his DF). What makes it even more annoying is that she lives a 3 minute walk from us.

This is me. It’s connected with my ADHD. However I know it’s rude, and I do really try my best to get places on time and CBT helped me a bit as well. I do my best to help it but it’s difficult.

DS has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and so I've been reading around it a lot.

Suddenly I've realised that my MIL is always late because she has ADHD and she literally has no understanding of time and how it works.

It's been really eye-opening to understand why she behaves the way she does.

I now feel really bad about how I've talked to her in the past. I also worry for how DS will be talked to and treated in the future. We're doing what we can to help him develop coping strategies.

The test surely is are they late for things that cost them - job interview, flights, kid from nursery. If they are late for social/family things only sadly only conclusion is they are dicks not suffering some sort of syndrome.

I cannot stand it, I am always early, 5/10/20 minutes early, if I'm even 5 minutes late I feel terrible guilt over it! I think it is rude and disrespectful to the person you agreed to meet with at the time.

I am often 10-15 mins late. I have OCD and find leaving the house very hard. Sometimes it's ok but other times I get more stressed knowing I'm already cutting it fine which makes it worse. I do feel really bad. It's not as easy as get ready earlier either, sometimes I am ready but then something happens which kicks everything out.

My friend was an hour late yesterday, she is a minimum of 40 minutes late every time I see her.

I have considered not meeting her anymore, but she is scatty and I am not sure it is intentional. I now build in her lateness to my plans and carry on. She is I am assuming always on time for her job and other things, so she can do it, but her life is chaotic and I don't think she means to be rude. I was fed up though with two young children to look after in the heat.

I am always early, 5/10/20 minutes early,

You don't turn up to people's houses 20 minutes early, I hope?

I can’t stand to be late, never am. My DS’ are the same. Can’t be bothered with people that are always late.

You don't turn up to people's houses 20 minutes early, I hope?

I'm an early bird and I wander around until it is the right time, so no I don't turn up early ever,.but is it as bad turning up early as turning up late? It works both ways doesn't it... I don't think anyone can say they're always late meeting someone but then get arsey if someone turns up early to their house.

It's not a 'very very small minority' who find it difficult, it's quite a large minority. I dislike people who are neurotic about time. I tend to avoid these types now although I have one friend left who is like that. She is staying with me next week. She has already texted to say what time she is coming. I don't care because I've a day off that day but she will undoubtedly text a couple more times about timings. All this focus on time just makes things feel stressy. And I know she'll ask what time dinner will be 'just so I know' and I know I'll inwardly roll my eyes and say 'sometime in the early evening, do you need an exact time?'. Some people just dislike time. In germanic cultures there has always been a focus on time, 'I'll see you at 6 15' etc but in celtic and African culture people were more event focused and used to say 'I'll see you after dinner /I'll come down to you after I've put the baby down for their nap' etc. I'm unapologetically more event focused.

I am another one who is always late and I hate it.
I have OCD and anxiety and I will plan plan plan and something invariably goes to shit.

I am getting help for it and tell people I am close to who mainly understand.
My dad though has little time for any MH issues which I also have which infuriates me as I obviously can't help the way I am.

My dd is going into year 3 next month and I've vowed she will be early every day.
She is not late in the sense of missing anything but is always trailing the line or running up the stairs 2 minutes after everyone else. This upsets me so much as it's all my fault.

School asked me to attend a meeting last year and asked if I had any reason why this was happening. I had not told the school about my problems before this and was reluctant to but did and they were amazing and very supportive.

When it's affecting my child then enough is enough. I am working on strategies in the summer holidays as I don't want another school year like that.

Agree that those who are late for "no reason" are harder to sympathise with. I maybe sound like I'm making excuses and that's not my intention.

Headteacher asked me what time I get up ( before she knew about my problems ) and I said on average 5am!
I think she thought I was rolling out of bed at 8.30 and rushing.

Sorry for massive post

I don't think anyone can say they're always late meeting someone but then get arsey if someone turns up early to their house.

20 minutes early is quite a lot. I'd probably be getting ready, drying my hair etc. It's rude too - same assumption really, that your preferences and time are more important.

This is really interesting - I've always been pompously judgemental of friends who are regularly late, but I can definitely understand the anxiety leading to checking, checking, more checking - counterintuitive but understandable! But then that is also me - I have nightmares about being late to places. I'll book a b and b if an appointment is a long way off (particularly around London), even though I'm not flush with cash. If I'm meeting friends for coffee in town, I'll regularly arrive an hour early and...have a coffee by myself prior to meeting them! I'm the one sitting in the carpark an hour before job interviews, and wishing I'd booked an earlier flight because I'm through customs two hours before my actual flight time... for me, being anxious has made me pathologically early. On balance, I prefer that because of the stigma (lazy, slow, ineffective) attached (by me, too) to persistent latecomers. I like being early - it gives me time to think and, if I'm honest, I can't quite understand why, if people know they need to check, check and re-check, they don't build this into their planning. If you think it's going to take you an hour to leave the house but experience tells you it'll be more like two, why not leave two?

It's as bad as each other.. I wouldn't turn up 20 minutes early to someone's house, but there again I wouldn't turn up 20 minutes late meeting someone either.

I like to be on time, that's my problem, so if I'm meeting a friend I'll wander to a couple of shops because no doubt I'll be early. No one knows I've been in the area for half an hour, so there is no pressure on anyone meeting me. I just don't want to be late.

I totally understand babies and children can hold you up but what are all the rest of these things that stop people leaving their houses in plenty of time?