To never host for friends again?

[LupiPie]

I met these (until recently, I thought) lovely ladies through DC's swim class.

I've been to one of their houses before for lunch and drinks so I thought I'd invite them both to my house.

We all got on great, as usual, and then the comments started coming. I'm not usually an anxious and conscious person, but I must be because I remember every word and still shudder with embarrassment.

Person 1 "Your house is lovely, so clean!"

Person 2 "I could never keep my house this clean"

Me, can't remember my exact words, but said something like "Thanks ladies, I do love a clean house. It doesn't come naturally though. I'm always doing bits and bobs!"

Person 1 and 2 now look at each other and sort of exclude me from conversation.

Person 1 "I'd just much rather spend the time with my little one! What's the point? I don't think it's good to waste time on cleaning too much"

Person 2 laughs "Me too! I just think they're only small once. I haven't got time to clean. I just hide everything if anyone important is coming!"

They then both burst into laughter

I keep replaying what they've said in my head and I feel awful.

I feel like they felt out of place in my house. And I would never want anyone to feel that way.

I never judge or take much notice of anyone's house state, not really.

My own is very clean and tidy because I'm on the ball and keep it that way. I'm not a magical fairy that clicks her fingers. A tidy home makes me happy but I understand that's not for everyone.

I never miss out on my DC... We are always doing things, always out and about.

I just feel quite shaken by it all.

Ridiculous really, but AIBU not to invite them back?

I think it's just as bad as saying my house is a shit hole!

Carribean
As my rely to pp, no not all women are same, I'm still friendly but if bitching starts/is their norm, I don't go out of my way to spend time with them. I have women friends who dony bitch/make digs that I do see.

But you keep your friendships with women “at arm’s length”.

Sounds depressing to me but perhaps that always been your outlook so works for you

It was mean girls behaviour and I wouldn't bother having them round again.

SOme of us are just naturally tidy, there is nothing wrong with that and I don’t understand why anyone would think it’s ok to comment like that it’s just rude.

I keep a clean house with 3 kids and a dog, I've been on the receiving end of these type of comments. Life's too short, kids are messy etc. YANBU. They were rude, try not to let it get to you though

What a shame, you tried to be friendly and they are horrible.

Invite them again, if they felt uncomfortable they won't come. If they do, see if they make the same sort of remarks again. I had three dds and my house was always clean and tidy and I still spent time with them.

They were bloody rude whether they meant to be or not.

Agree with @Osullivan1, I think it now all depends on how your next encounter goes with them. If they say any more snide remarks about your home etc then it was definitely them being rude.

They were being snide and nasty and there was no need for it. That with the coaster was just childish and ignorant. They will think its funny and that they have got one over on you.
I'd be polite if I had to speak to them but I wouldnt have them in my house again or persue friendships with them.
There are people to be friends with who are not twats.

the only answer to a compliment is - thank you. That way if it's meant as a bitchy comment it gets lost and if it is a real compliment it is acknowledged

Sounds to me like they both felt your clean house showed up their dirty ones and made the comments to try and make themselves feel better.

I was scrolling down to post exactly that. Can't say much more than that without knowing them.

I love the look of a pristine house but can't be arsed to clean that vigorously and unfortunately both DDs are worse than I am.

I think they were rude and a tad jealous of your lovely clean home.
Personally I wouldn't be asking them back in a rush.. just see how it goes.
As long as the children are having fun that's the main thing.

Well hosting isn’t all about having a clean home but about making guests feel relaxed and welcome. A good friend of mine has a very clean and tidy place but often won’t relax and chat with you she’ll be wiping surfaces and washing up coffee cups. I wish sometimes that she would just sit down because I’m there to see her not admire her clean surfaces. I notice you said you were loading the dishwasher..... were you actually doing that while they were sat there? Is that something that you feel is necessary to do while your guests were there? I would actually rather be chatting and then deal with the clearing up after my guests had gone. So although they may or may not be being rude ( I can’t tell without hearing the tone of the comments) you may not necessarily be contributing to a fun experience.

They were probably feeling a little defensive about their own houses being a bit of a mess (not that you cared) when yours was spotless.
It is a bitchy thing to say but could be a one off, I would give them the benefit of the doubt this time

I have had it the other way round. My house was clean but untidy; washing pile on chair, toys on floor, books in a pile of dining table. Visitor said ‘my husband would never allow this’ with a nervous giggle. I said ‘he wouldn’t be my husband then’ tinkley laugh. I wasn’t offended but felt judged where none was necessary.

I think what they said/how it was said was very rude and also slightly bitchy

Op ignore them, they are clearly jealous otherwise they wouldn't feel the need to make negative comments on your home... I am the same, I can't relax unless my house is clean and tidy, mess gives me anxiety and I just sit thinking I've loads to do, so I'm with you!

Visitor said ‘my husband would never allow this’ with a nervous giggle. I said ‘he wouldn’t be my husband then’ tinkley laugh

Wow! What century was she from?( but definitely the right way to respond) I don’t really notice clutter in other people’s homes... I actually like a little bit... particularly if there are interesting books around and a slightly battered comfortable sofa to sink into. A massively tidy house with very pale carpets is not very appealing mainly because I would spend the entire time worrying about myself or DD spilling something.

Awh OP, the comment they made was the shame they felt for themselves!!! So they kind of justified their lack of cleanliness this way. You are the winner here!
I have realised many people make such comments only when they feel insecure in themselves. So take no notice of this incident

Got to page 2 of this non-issue and decided i CBA reading more. You soubd hard work OP and your social life is going to be one long mountain to climb if you over analyse every little comment.

As an outsider its hard to judge how bitchy or in cahoits your guests were being and we can't tell how obsessive compulsive you are about keeping a clean house (i have a cleaner and very keen on coasters as id hate to wreck my tables so i get it) so all told no one covers themselves in glory in your tale.

I’m the same OP, I have 3 DC’s and could never have an untidy house.. that’s just me, and some of my friends are more relaxed about housework.

It’s a poor jibe about rather “spending time with DC” rather than clean up..seriously?!! I tend to do my housework most evening and spend time with my DC’s!

Take their comments with a pinch of salt, a tinkly laugh and a comment back.

Try not to read too much into it, it sounds like you have shamed them somewhat.. their insecurities not yours.

You’re overthinking.

I think they sound like very rude women. I don't know if I'd want them back in my house, at least not together if you really want them back.

Don't worry OP.

I think there is a strong chance they were being ironic and expected you to continue in a similar line.

One's sense of humour can often be misunderstood.

YANBU. What a pair of nasty buggers.

I very much doubt it was about the cleanliness of the house, it was an excuse to snipe and bitch, but mainly to make you, OP, feel insecure, and excluded. It is another form of bullying. Sadly there are too many people like this around. Please don't allow them to make you feel bad. You are not at fault here. They are.