To never host for friends again?

[LupiPie]

I met these (until recently, I thought) lovely ladies through DC's swim class.

I've been to one of their houses before for lunch and drinks so I thought I'd invite them both to my house.

We all got on great, as usual, and then the comments started coming. I'm not usually an anxious and conscious person, but I must be because I remember every word and still shudder with embarrassment.

Person 1 "Your house is lovely, so clean!"

Person 2 "I could never keep my house this clean"

Me, can't remember my exact words, but said something like "Thanks ladies, I do love a clean house. It doesn't come naturally though. I'm always doing bits and bobs!"

Person 1 and 2 now look at each other and sort of exclude me from conversation.

Person 1 "I'd just much rather spend the time with my little one! What's the point? I don't think it's good to waste time on cleaning too much"

Person 2 laughs "Me too! I just think they're only small once. I haven't got time to clean. I just hide everything if anyone important is coming!"

They then both burst into laughter

I keep replaying what they've said in my head and I feel awful.

I feel like they felt out of place in my house. And I would never want anyone to feel that way.

I never judge or take much notice of anyone's house state, not really.

My own is very clean and tidy because I'm on the ball and keep it that way. I'm not a magical fairy that clicks her fingers. A tidy home makes me happy but I understand that's not for everyone.

I never miss out on my DC... We are always doing things, always out and about.

I just feel quite shaken by it all.

Ridiculous really, but AIBU not to invite them back?

I think it's just as bad as saying my house is a shit hole!

She may not have made them feel jnadequate, she may have made rhem feel uncomfortable if she does indeed have ocd or ocd tendancies. A lot of this could be about her and not them.

This is why I keep my friendships with women at a certain distance. Can't be bothered with that type of person

What does this mean? That you think all women are like this apart from you?

I'm not a tidy person (I wish I was) and I think their snide comments were nasty and mean. If people comment on your nice clean house just smile and say thank you. Don't explain how you do it. None of their business.

She may not have made them feel jnadequate, she may have made rhem feel uncomfortable if she does indeed have ocd or ocd tendancies. A lot of this could be about her and not them.

If The OP genuinely had OCD tendencies their behaviour would be even more unkind. There's no excuse for being rude and childish ("in jokes" and gigging behind OP's back etc.). I very much doubt OP did anything to make them uncomfortable.

They felt insecure about your levels of tidiness. Then they banded together and made snide comments.

I wouldn’t feel enthusiastic about spending time with them again after that.

Silly pair. Ignore it - we all live our own way.

Not RTFT but sounds like these women were making snide commments inferring you don't spend enough time with your kids. They are probably just insecure about their own messy homes and do t spend any more time with their kids than you do.

I couldn't have coped with a messy house as well as kids and work, so I made the effort to find a place for everything and put everything in its place eventually. No idea why your 'pals' find that a problem or wor5h comment - but it's their problem, not yours.

ignore them .. they’re jealous

You are overthinking it. That is just normal chit chat.

It's not normal chit chat. Their comments are clearly intended to suggest that the OP is lacking in the maternal stakes as they imply that she’s spending her time cleaning rather than with her children. It’s bitchy and immature and insecure.

OP, they looked in the mirror and didn’t like what they saw so took it out on you to try to make themselves feel better.

I’d give them a wide berth and keep it cool and superficial.

Bluntness
No, it means if any digs & bitching start I'm still friendly/chat but I don't go out of my way to spend time with them:as I do have women friends who don't do this. Its down to having a mother who would bitch about Mother Teresa if she could. It was exhausting to be around.

You are not over thinking, they are snide bitches (side-eyeing over a coaster FFS!).

I’m sure no one feels uncomfortable in your home, OP. Those of us who aren’t naturally tidy are perfectly capable of appreciating the homes of those who are.

Don’t bother inviting them again.

This is why I keep my friendships with women at a certain distance. Can't be bothered with that type of person. Life's too short.

What a bizarre comment
Doesn’t make sense
You avoid women?

I would just move on and stop replaying the conversations, we are all different, I am like you and like a clean house and feel happier when the house is clean, my twins girls are now 18 years old and the house was clean when they were small, I did not neglect them when they were young to be cleaning the house, you just do jobs quicker and still do activities with them.

You have failed to make true friends if that is your view. And I truly pity iou.

My group of girlfriends have seen me through the loss of my parents, Ill health, divorce. Unwavering love, kindness and support. Interjected with a heck of a lot of laughter and fun times. Twenty years plus.

“New” friends (since I had children, so 8 years), also - un judgemental, supportive, brilliant for a mid week coffee, book club but also was theee for me during recent ill health.

You have missed out on this. Perhaps it was never on the cards due to the outlook you’ve described here

Drop them both like a stone, how utterly foul to be so rude about your home and the quality time you spend with your children whilst you are hosting and looking after them.

If they are saying that to your face, what on earth are they saying behind your back is all I could think when I read your post.

They are jealous, felt inadequate and dealt with it by conspiring to put your down and embarrass you.

They are definitely NOT friends, and never ever will be.

I too have a very clean and tidy house, I have endless comments about it from the kind ones to the jokes and even those that jokingly look for all the clutter (they need to head to the local charity shop) I am proud and love being in my home, but no one has ever said something so spiteful and rude, they would never be welcomed back if they did.

If I were you scale back your interaction to zero slowly, don't accept any further get togethers and become very busy for the foreseeable future. Spend time with friends that appreciate you and your home from now on.

sparkling ones at that!

Strikes me that you can't win. If your house had been dirty or untidy,you can bet anything you like that they'd have been bitching about that!

“Ignore those bitches trying to justify their slob tendencies.”

Yup. You could go to theirs, look around like you just smelled shite on the carpet and remark with a laugh, “Oh dear, I see what you mean about the cleaning... you do spend all your time helicopter parenting your kids don’t you. You really should teach them to be a bit more independent and even some life skills like tidying after themselves.”

Id not bother with them myself they sound like arses! The coaster thing is exactly what my mum and her husband do deliberatley and it pisses me off its just disrespectful behaviour in your home!

They were definitely rude. But if they have otherwise been okay and are good for a mid week coffee then maybe look past it.

You are really over thinking it. It's not the same as saying your house is dirty. Having a clean house is a compliment. I would always clean and tidy before guests came over because I like it that way and want people to enjoy my home as a guest. They were probably just feeling a bit conscious that their houses weren't so clean and were justifying it with a bit of humour. You are being over sensitive OP.

my mum had a shnowhome for as lonmg asi cant remember she went round picking things up even when people were there

she was not a snob or anything like that but i know people family/friends felt awakward because there wasnt a thing out of place-someone once said its like walking into a museum as they had these really uncomfrtable chairs

my mum just had her ways she woldnt care if they didnt like it it was her home

Tbh OP, it doesn’t sound like they are nice people. They sound like bitches.

I can’t believe you are worried they felt out of place, they were outrageously rude to you on more than one occasion during their visit and if I were you I’d just say hello and goodbye at classes and ignore.

I think they were being mean. Tge bit about spending time with the kids, etc. Seemed meant to say that the OP doesn't because all the cleaning. And they were talking among themselves and laughing. Mean and jealous.

I think they were feeling jealous/inadequate and in order to make themselves feel better about not being able to keep up with your standards of cleaning they implied you must be prioritizing the cleaning above time spent with DC.
In short, they made themselves feel better by saying what they said.
There was no need for this. Not sure they are bitches though. I would keep in touch and laugh it off next time and see how it goes. They have overreacted.

It's difficult inviting new people into your home and I know in my case I am usually anxious and make sure everything is clean and in its place which places pressure on me. You started your message by saying you initially thought they were lovely however" this experience has changed your opinion.

I would perhaps consider giving them another chance and if you experience the same comments and are feeling uncomfortable forget about them... sometimes it is difficult to break into a new group were relationships have formed. You can say to yourself at least you gave it a try and if it doesn't work...don't let it put you off with out her individuals who are less judgemental. Perhaps try somewhere more neutral like a coffee shop to see how the dynamics are and how you feel about these individuals.