To be cheesed off with 'childfree' bragging

[lunaboona]

Childless ( by choice ) or 'childfree' and that's what she refers to herself as , forever sharing quotes about how lucky she is to travel / have money / drink cocktails whenever she wants , she'll never be a boring house wife etc AIBU to find this annoying and slightly insulting? As I juggle the house / my job and 2 'brats ' 😣🙄🤔

I'm totally on side with any woman that makes that choice , I respect that and in no way think women should be expected to or pressured into having children , I would defend anyone being challenged for making a decision not to have children as it's up to them, and no one should question them but what annoys the shit out of me is the superior attitude almost laughing at those of us up to our eyeballs in washing and crappy nappies 😕

The thing is, all these comparisons of different life choices, different opinions on how to live a happy life/be fulfilled are irrelevant.

I love my life, to some it would probably be mind numbingly boring.

Just as a jet setting lifestyle with constant travel and parties would be terrifying and overwhelming to me.

Different strokes for different folks and all that.

I see way more posts by parents about how "Life without kids is meaningless." "Your life doesn't have purpose until you have kids." "I feel blessed and can't imagine not being a parent." Blah, blah, blah.

Also some people are genuinely happy with their choice to not have kids, I don't see why they aren't allowed to express their happiness about that.

I think she’s overcompensating.

I think it is hypocritical for people to whinge about those who comment on being 'child free', no different to every mother who posts about having children!

One is just posting about being 'blessed'to have her frre.life and travel etc.

The other is posting about being 'blessed' to have children.

Identically bragging (if you want to term it that) but from different stand points

@lunaboona

"I didn't think mumsnet was quite so holier-than-thou"

This isn't the mumsnet you're looking for.

And also agree with the person earlier who said she is insultated that people assume this woman the OP is talking about must have some desperate desire to have kids. How backward are you!? Some women DO NOT want kids - me being one! Believe me I have no desire to ever have kids and am delighted with my child free status full of wonderful adults only holidays, late nights out, breaks away with my partner guilt free and an abundance of money I don't have to spend in a child! My "bragging" is certainly NOT a result of a deep seeded desire to actually have kids...

She may not be jealous at all. I have a few child free friends and I believe all but one (who’s partner doesn’t want kids but she won’t leave him) are genuinely really happy with their choice. They have money and time and do some cool stuff.

I’m happy with my life. I have one DD who’s fairly easy to look after and have a hands on DH so get to go out with my friends and do some cool stuff too so it doesn’t bother me if they post pics of themselves on various trips as I also have long weekends away with them in cool places. It took a while but I’ve now got the balance right (for me) in regards to being a mother and a person in my own right.

To be honest too, it’s usually a couple of my parent friends who bang on about how ‘blessed’ they are and post about their kids to the point they seem like they’re overcompensating.

I don't get the earlier post about a woman bitterly regretting not having children now her dh has gone off with a younger model? (Horrid phrase). This can happen whether you have kids or not and even if you do have kids and grandkids you can be still be very lonely on your own in later life! (And 50s isn't exactly old anyway I will add).

I had an annoying (now X) SIL, who used to take every opportunity to mock me for being “domesticated” and it got under my skin too OP. I was under no misapprehensions, It was done to sneer at and belittle me.

Comments like ooh buttered is so good, cooking lunch and looking after the DC, I don’t cook, do I BIL, I’m a career woman Tinkly laugh, stuck in my craw somewhat. Especially as I was also managing to hold down a more responsible and better paid job than her at the time.

Trust me, She isn’t posting about how happy she is.

I used to be like this when I thought I couldn’t have children. I went on about how wonderful my life was when really I was dying inside. I didn’t even tell my closest friends. Don’t assume you know everything about someone else’s life from what they say about it. It can be very edited.

it's literally all pissing me off

OP, it's literally pissing you off, is it? I wonder if that's true. You sound like my 14 yo DD.

If social media bothers you, just don't go on it (I don't have any social media account, except MN, because MN makes me laugh).

I don't get all this angst over social media. You can't control what people post, you can't decide what's acceptable or not. Taking other peoples posts to heart is your problem not theirs.

Every morning I go on fb, I see what my family are up to and reply or not, everything else I just click like without even reading because it seems to make people happy when you like their posts. I don't take any notice of what they say because fb is not real life. Just click like (or don't) and move past it.

Or come off it altogether if you can't control your feelings about other people.

Some women are unhappy because they can’t have a child and overcompensate but some genuinely have no interest in children to the point that I know of two who left men who started talking about wanting kids. Even I left a boyfriend who was trying to coerce me into a baby when I was only 24. I did not want family life at that stage at all. I changed my mind in my 30’s.

Some of my friends have never waivered to the point where they’ve had abortions in long term relationships.

I would imagine people are constantly telling her her individual life choices are not valid and she can't be truly happy. Which can obviously be patronising.

@lunaboona
I have children and although I might find your friend's bragging a bit annoying, how is it any different to someone with children posting #making memories or photos of happy family holidays or pics of Xmas and the children with Santa on Facebook?

It's just people sharing aspects of their life which make them happy/they are proud of.

And to be fair sometimes I do feel like I don't have a life with kids! Pursuing hobbies and going out was much easier and exciting pre kids. She has a point.

I've just rethought it though- surely she can post about her cocktails and holidays WITHOUT mentioning her child status. If I went out for a meal with my husband and posted about it I probably WOULD mention is because it would be a rare treat to be child free rather than the norm.
OP- I think I get it. Sorry

At the end of the day, it’s the bragging that’s horrible. It doesn’t really matter what they say, it’s the I have everything that u don’t feeling. Rise above and ignore. It’s just sad really

Sounds like a good antidote to the fulfilled gushing mumas of lil angels
The saccharine comment how fucking complete they are as mutha. And woman
Wet boak

I believe childless became childfree because the former has come to imply a 'lack' in one's life if you don't have any.

Many people make an active choice not to have children and I think have flocked to childfree because it sounds more neutral/positive (depending on how you take "free").

Smug posting on social media is just irritating full stop, regardless of what it is about. I would mute this friend, OP.

Agree with you OP! I'd find those kind of posts irritating even before I had my daughter and was also 'child-free'. The equivalent to her Ibiza post would be for someone with children to post "enjoy going on holiday all on your own while I cuddle up with my children!" - which obviously no-one would post because it's incredibly insensitive and rude. Even if it was the case that she was actually lonely and sad that she was 'child-free', and over-compensating for that, I'd still find the posts slightly irksome...

I also hate any kind of 'humblebrag' post so I'm generally tired of social media too...

Surprised at the number of judgy comments you've received here!

This is no more or less annoying than all the posts about my prince/princess, so lucky to be a full time mummy, #makingmemories. Some people are just irritating on social media and often in real life too

Completely agree Fash84. Making fucking memories?dont be so lame it’s life not a movie

I hate social media bragging full stop. Fucking boring.

I don’t have any social media profiles,no Instagram,Twitter,FB
No photos of me,my kids online,none.nadda.just how I want it