To be cheesed off with 'childfree' bragging

[lunaboona]

Childless ( by choice ) or 'childfree' and that's what she refers to herself as , forever sharing quotes about how lucky she is to travel / have money / drink cocktails whenever she wants , she'll never be a boring house wife etc AIBU to find this annoying and slightly insulting? As I juggle the house / my job and 2 'brats ' 😣🙄🤔

I'm totally on side with any woman that makes that choice , I respect that and in no way think women should be expected to or pressured into having children , I would defend anyone being challenged for making a decision not to have children as it's up to them, and no one should question them but what annoys the shit out of me is the superior attitude almost laughing at those of us up to our eyeballs in washing and crappy nappies 😕

All those parents doth protest too much by that logic too, right Beezie?

I didn't think mumsnet was quite so holier-than-thou

I'm sensing a pattern here

When she says 'enjoy yourself woth your kids whole I'm sipping cocktails', just say 'thanks, I will'. She is making herself look like an arse.
Agree that it is mean to be snippy about other people's perfectly valid choices.
You could point out that while you respect her decision not to have dc, it's as well that other people do, since future society depends on it! But I'd probably just treat her as if her sarky remarks are sincere and I hadn't noticed the bitchiness. It will probably annoy her more than getting into a debate about who has the better life.

Anyone who feels the need to brag/shout about about this kind of stuff is desperately trying to convince others that their choices are superior.
Why is that do you think?

have fun at home with the kids this summer while I'm sipping margaritas by the pool in Ibiza

OP, if she posts crap like this, I'd be kind of pissed off too.

Just to add that I deleted fb a few years ago. I liked my friends irl, but on fb they were all smug twats

"Have to say, I find it massively insulting that some people are suggesting this woman must be harbouring some secret desire to have children which for whatever reason cannot be fulfilled."

Yes. But at the same time she must have some ulterior motive?

I can happily post about all the things I get to do that wouldn't happen / would be much harder if I had kids. Like booking my summer holiday in late September, or taking a Friday & Monday off work on impulse for a mini-break, or picking a takeaway & the latest Jasper Fforde up on the way home from work & spending the evening enjoying them both in the park.

But it wouldn't occur to me to actually spell out "and I can do this because...." unless I was aiming that at someone if that makes sense? The idea of wanting kids is so far off my radar that I just smile & nod at friends' family pics.

Is anyone else counting down until That Question?

Perhaps she‘s just seen one #feelingblessed or #makingmemories Tag too many. In any case, please rest assured that not all children people are having an incredibly fun time. It’s Friday night and I’m about to clean the lavvy.

I’ve got 3 kids and the #blessed #makingmemories make me want to head butt a wall! Ugh twee as fuck.

Could she be posting slightly tongue in cheek too? I will probably think similar when I’m an empty nester. She is just thinking it out loud on social media. She is probably partly mourning the loss of her single friends, even if not jealous of them being mums. Agree if it offends you unfollow. Life is too short.

Either you don't love her as dearly as you say do, or you're not as content with your life as you claim.
Or you need a complete break from social media and anything which is causing you to be so defensive.

She's suggesting that people with kids are boring / sad / have no life -which I think is unfair

Oh I dunno. Compared to child-free by choice sister and BIL ... I think we are a bit boring and have no life 😁

We have a very expensive 18 year old who is a one man plague of locusts. All our money goes to feeding him and then paying through the nose so he can waste all those lovely calories charging around a court. Only to wind up hungry again.

Which is how come Sis and BIL are on a helicopter tour of the volcanoes of Hawaii once more, and I am sitting here with a mile long shopping list.

Neither of us would swap lives though. I'm ok with boring no life because DS hangs the moon for me. Sis and BIL chose different and it suits them perfectly.

I wouldn't get arsey with Sis if she posted memes like that, god knows she puts up with enough judgmental "so selfish !" bollocks from people. I'd see it as a not entirely unjustified, provoked response intended as a shot across the bows of people with rather too much to say about a life they didn't choose.

I think you're way too sensitive and need to let it wash over you. Take a step back from it. It's not personal to you.

I'm not a fan of anyone belittling anyone else's choices or lifestyle, parent or not.

However... it's her wall on Facebook and she can therefore post whatever she likes. If you don't like it for whatever reason, it really is as simple as unfollowing her for a while.

It's not worth getting this angsty over.

You're quite right to be irritated, she shouldn't go on about it. It's tactless to say the least to talk like to people with children.

However there may be more behind it, you never know.

You could tell her that what she says belittles people with kids, even though she doesn't mean it that way, and see how she reacts.

when I was just being honest and saying how I felt

OP you can't do that on MN*. All the saints who reside on here will come and tell you that you are a bad person if you do.

*Only your best friend, your family and/or your therapist can be privy to that I'm afraid especially in MeTooUK.

I don’t think you sound bitter OP. It is not kind of unnecessary/borderline offensive to share social media memes hating on mothers and children? Making vast generalisations about how horrible they are? Because I’ve seen that shit. I don’t react to it but find it hurtful. You can be happily child free without having to disparage the choices of others. I know childless women cop a lot of flak in terms of “you’ll change your mind!” but do they REALLY have to resort to such nastiness to justify their life choices?

I also hate the twee as fuck #blessed #lovemylittlefamily mothers, but at least they aren’t outright hateful.

Are children something that we should be liberated from?

God yes. It's very liberating when they're grown up and you can book a holiday at the drop of a hat, or arrange to go and see friends etc without having to worry about school or childcare.

In fact adult kids make great house/pet sitters

I knew I had them for a reason worra

I get that it's annoying, OP - she's obviously having a dig at people with children and as that includes you she's (even if indirectly) having a dig at you. And unless she's stupid, she knows that. And also knows that you can't call her out on it, because that would go against social media etiquette, which is frustrating.

Sounds like she's not entirely convinced with how much fun she's having to me.

OP be happy with your life and let her get on with hers.

I lost touch with a university friend after she constantly went on in our twenties and thirties about how wonderful her child free life was.

Now we're in our 50s I hear through the grapevine that she bitterly regrets her choice. Her husband has gone off with a younger woman and she has no children or any prospect of grandchildren.

OP is upset and has a valid point. Especially for those who are child-free and for whom it is not a choice, and for whom it is anything but happy.

She feels sorry for me that I'm so tied down, and my life revolves around the kids , where as I'm perfectly happy with the choices I made and love my life

Well, that's your answer, isn't it? Every time, respond with "No need to feel sorry for me, I've got everything I wanted". If she's boasting about her exotic holiday, tell her what a lovely time you had spending quality time with the children. If she goes on about how great it is not to be a boring housewife, tell her that your life isn't in the least boring, and if she finds you boring she knows what she can do.

OFGS leave her alone and maybe take a social media break.

Quite obviously your friend has reasons for continually posting about this (if she was truly enjoying life that much, she wouldn’t need to keep pointing it out) and for all you know they might be quite painful/sad.

Yes, it’s not nice to feel like someone is belittling your own life choices by extolling their own, but you have a choice here not to read/participate.