... to ask which childcare option you would choose?

[LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]

I have a 3 year old ds and dd is 6 months old. I am a solicitor and work just over an hour's commute from home. We've had a fantastic nanny since I went back to work after ds but she is on maternity leave until next April. I had planned to go back to work in September but I'm now not sure what to do...

Option 1: I take a full 12 months' maternity leave, tack on two months' holiday and go back to work when our usual nanny comes back next April. This is just about doable but would decimate all our savings.

Option 2: We employ a 4 day per week fixed term nanny until April and I go back to work. A new nanny would have ds 1 day per week as he'll be in nursery 3 days per week, and dd 4 days per week. I'm worried about this option as I work 11 hour days and dd is still so small. Also ds is very attached to our usual nanny and will find the transition hard.

Option 3: I use holiday (1 day per week) to work three days per week until next April. Ds does 3 days nursery per week and I'd use two of those days to cover my working days. I'd put dd in nursery 2 days per week as well and my mother would cover my third working day. I think this option might be best as my children are very close to my mum and she visits us every other week anyway. But I'm worried about putting dd in nursery so much. I'm worried about asking so much from my mum as she's 68 (although fit, well and active) and lives 3 hours away. I'm also concerned because my mum would have to stay 2 nights per week for 6 months which might drive dh crazy.

Option 4: we get a two day per week nanny until April. I work three days per week as in option 3 but ds is in nursery 2 days while I'm at work and with the nanny 1 day and dd is in nursery 1 day and with the nanny the other 2 days. I'm not sure how much this option solves as it would still mean a difficult transition for ds. But it might be better for dd than option 3.

What would you do? Are there any options that I'm missing?

Could you explain why you can't work 3 days and have DS in nursery those 3 days (ie why do you need him in nursery when you are at home?). DD could be at nursery either 2 days + 1 day with your mum OR in nursery 3 days, with you looking after both for the two days that you don't work? That would then mean your mum was 'optional' - ie a luxury some weeks so DD could go to nursery for 3 days some weeks and only 2 on others - but involve fewer changes in carer for both of them, particularly DS?

I'd go with Option 1 if it were me

I wouldn't worry at all about putting DD in nursery 'so much.' It's not actually that much, some children go all day every day.

Are you 100% certain that the nanny will come back in April? What will she do with her own child?

I'd try to work fewer days and just put DC's in nursery the whole time I'm at work rather than faffing about if I were you.

The problem is the nursery days I can get. I've got Mon/Wed/Fri for ds and can get Mon/Wed for dd. Nursery is really oversubscribed.

@Trinity66 Even though it would cost £10k and leave you with no money if e.g. your car or boiler were to break? Genuine question... I just think I'd be so stressed...

Ah I see, no I don't think you should just stay off and lose all your savings.

If DS is 3, when is he 4? Will he not be going to school next September so when the nanny comes back it's only for a very short time anyway?

I'm as sure as I can be that our nanny will come back. She'll be bringing her baby to work.

I can only get dd into nursery for max. 2 days at the moment as they are oversubscribed.

We'll keep the nanny to look after dd and do the school run for a few more years!

Where's your DH or DP in this scenario? Why is the burden of this all down to you?

@Trinity66 Even though it would cost £10k and leave you with no money if e.g. your car or boiler were to break? Genuine question... I just think I'd be so stressed...

oh that's a lot alright, are you a single parent? If not can your DH not help out a bit more aswell with childcare?

Option 3.

DS started nursery when he was 8 months old, 2 days a week, he was and is absolutely fine. No problems settling in and enjoyed it since the start.

I wouldn’t use another nanny for them to get attached to only to go back to original nanny in April.

A PP made a good point though that she might not want to come back. What are your thoughts on that?

He's trying to make partner at a law firm... I know it's not great but financially it would be extremely helpful if he were to get promoted so 🤷🏻‍♀️

But to answer your question, I'd get a temporary/fixed term nanny to do just the same hours that your current nanny does. I'm not sure why you think this would decimate your savings, as you're going to be paying exactly the same as you would if it was your current nanny, surely?

also, your DS will handle the transition fine - honestly!

I also would caution you not to be 100% sure that your current nanny will return to work. She may change her mind after her child is born.

The reasons I think our nanny will come back are that I know what her mortgage is and what her husband earns, so she definitely has to work. It's not that easy to get a job where you can bring your baby and she's bought a 7 seater car to make it possible. No guarantee but I'm hopeful...

Cross posts, I missed yours when you said you’re confident nanny with come back.

If your DH doesn’t want your mum staying over one day a week, maybe he could go down to 4 days and look after her?

@BIWI Staying off work all together would decimate our savings... we can afford another nanny.

I would go with
10 or 12 months maternity leave, go back 2-3 days/week, DP works the opposite days to you and your mum takes DD one day a week for the 2 months till nanny comes back. So you work 2 days a week, say, your DM has DD one day and your DP the other day (or if desperate, maybe you could work a weekend day - as you'll have had both DCs to do nice things with during the week).

If it looks like nanny is not coming back, nursery plus your DM for your DD.

Does your DM actually need to stay, to do one day childcare?

Even if she does - the most it would be is one day a week for 4 months if you go back part time at 10 months.
Likewise if he was to do 4 days, the most it would be is maybe 4 months worth.

What about you making partner though? Is that not on your agenda?! Surely you're not giving that up are you?

Sorry that sounded aggressive - I didn't mean it to!

@BIWI

Not aggressive at all! It might be! I haven't decided what I want to do yet but even if I decided to go for it, it wouldn't be for another few years.

Does your DM actually need to stay, to do one day childcare?

She lives three hours away, so she does have to stay over unfortunately!

Well he might just have to put up with it for a few months, then, if you aren't going to have absolutely no money!
I wouldn't get another nanny though as it would be very disruptive for just a few months, so given that nursery has little availability, I think you're going to have to either be very poor or have your mum to stay.

@drspouse

I think you are probably right.

I'd ask my mum to cover what's needed, your husband's sanity must be very fragile if he can't cope with her for a few hours a week for a few months.

I'd interview for nannies to see if the right candidate comes forward, but put the wheels in motion for option one. There's nothing wrong with nurseries for tiny babies, but you seem like you'd rather her be at home with familiar faces.