... to ask which childcare option you would choose?

[LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]

I have a 3 year old ds and dd is 6 months old. I am a solicitor and work just over an hour's commute from home. We've had a fantastic nanny since I went back to work after ds but she is on maternity leave until next April. I had planned to go back to work in September but I'm now not sure what to do...

Option 1: I take a full 12 months' maternity leave, tack on two months' holiday and go back to work when our usual nanny comes back next April. This is just about doable but would decimate all our savings.

Option 2: We employ a 4 day per week fixed term nanny until April and I go back to work. A new nanny would have ds 1 day per week as he'll be in nursery 3 days per week, and dd 4 days per week. I'm worried about this option as I work 11 hour days and dd is still so small. Also ds is very attached to our usual nanny and will find the transition hard.

Option 3: I use holiday (1 day per week) to work three days per week until next April. Ds does 3 days nursery per week and I'd use two of those days to cover my working days. I'd put dd in nursery 2 days per week as well and my mother would cover my third working day. I think this option might be best as my children are very close to my mum and she visits us every other week anyway. But I'm worried about putting dd in nursery so much. I'm worried about asking so much from my mum as she's 68 (although fit, well and active) and lives 3 hours away. I'm also concerned because my mum would have to stay 2 nights per week for 6 months which might drive dh crazy.

Option 4: we get a two day per week nanny until April. I work three days per week as in option 3 but ds is in nursery 2 days while I'm at work and with the nanny 1 day and dd is in nursery 1 day and with the nanny the other 2 days. I'm not sure how much this option solves as it would still mean a difficult transition for ds. But it might be better for dd than option 3.

What would you do? Are there any options that I'm missing?

I think, seriously, you should put a plan to your DH which entails you both sharing the childcare duties, once you've gone back full time. Laying out what you expect him to day, and when, and what you're going to do and when. (I'd put money on it that you haven't even thought about this but have just assumed you'll take the responsibility for it).

For example drop off and pick up at school/nursery, if it's not the nanny.

Who's going to be the first port of call when one of them is ill?

Who is going to be there in the morning to wait for the nanny to arrive?

Who is going to be there in the evening to relieve the nanny of her duties?

Who is going to go to parents' evening at school?

Who is going to cook?

Who is doing the cleaning?

I'll bet good money on it that your DH thinks you'll do all of this as well as going back to work full time.

Actually I would not have NWOC... bad deal for you and your children and ultimately won't work out well. So I would employ a new nanny on ML cover with a view to being perm, tel old nanny its same terms as before, no bringing the child. She will probably not return after ML, new nanny stays on.

Option 1 seems best (if your dh is going for partner you’ll make it back, and if you cut back enough you’re unlikely to eat into the 10k that much). I would worry myself about the impact on your career though - but if this is the final baby you’re probably ok.
With two working lawyer parents, a good, reliable, trustworthy nanny who the children like is GOLD

Option 3. 2 days/week for a baby is not a huge amount imho (yes have done this). See how it goes. I'd be fine about nanny with own baby, too, I suppose, but don't put all plans into that basket.

And I agree absolutely with everything @EmeraldVillage has said. If I hadn't had DH's full support, plus him sharing things around the house, I would never have been able to do my job never mind retain my sanity!

Option 1 or another option you haven't yet thought of. Please not Option 2 which pins all your plans on a nanny currently on maternity leave.

Sorry, I meant Option 2 not Option 1. Otherwise rest of my post makes no sense.

If I choose option 1 or 3 though, worst case scenario is getting a new nanny next April if our nanny doesn't come back.

That's a massive ask of your mum, I wouldn't involve her tbh. Save her for emergencies.

I’d go for a combination of option 1 and 2. Extend your maternity by a bit (if you want more time with DD) and have a fixed term nanny to cover the time until your nanny comes back.

I tried nursery and nanny. With a full on job and to DC, nursery is hard - there will be so many occasions when DD will not be able to attend because of bugs. You also have more flexibility for late trains etc with a nanny, if you agree up front with her and don’t take advantage. You can arrange extra evening babysitting in advance if you know there’s a tough time coming up at work or events you should attend.

If you’re seriously looking at partnership at some point, then you need to lay the groundwork now. Don’t be seen as the one who always has to go home for the DC (I get annoyed at work when women always pick up the slack - why aren’t the men rushing off to make nursery pick up?).

Option 1 for continuity. I’d also echo some of the posts above about getting to grips with your financing. If your husband is on the cusp on partnership you’re not going to be on the breadline. It’ll be about lifestyle things. I understand what it is like to have a mega mortgage and high fixed costs but those are choices and you won’t be broke. At your sort of income (obviously just guessing)you should be able to cut back and make savings without it feeling too hard.

Trying to pay for private school fees totally out of income from 4+ is also one hell of a financial commitment. Is savings are important to you, couldn’t you consider state until age 7 and avoid pre-prep? I’ve taken a decision only to look at private for secondary to avoid financial pressure and I’d only do it if I had enough to cover one child from savings alone. I don’t want the stress of needing to earn at a high level for the next 20 years without a substantial safety net.

Option 1.

Option 1. You'll never get that time back. Enjoy it.

Interesting. I was leaning towards option 3 but I'm definitely questioning that now. Hmmm. Tricky.

My view of Option 3 is that it has too much potential to go wrong.

Nursery care - DC can't go if ill and its inflexible.
Grandparent care - what if travel plans go wrong, what if grandma is ill or wants a break? If she's ill, it's not like she's around the corner and could have a lazy day with DC whilst being a bit unwell - she'd have to travel a distance to you and that might not be so easy with a milder illness.

Using leave to go to 3 days a week - unlikely to have enough to cover emergencies. There's only so many times you could take emergency leave before you're seen as flaky.

Working 3 days a week - you'll be viewed as not as committed at your job (no matter what they say to you). The 3-day workers I know do not expect to progress.

Hmmm.

Ok, so if my mum was ill, my dad would come to look after the children. But maybe if I go for option 3 I'd need to ask dh to agree that he'd take holiday if necessary as well.

The three day week is only until April. Work have said that it couldn't continue long term but they are ok with it for 6 months if it means I come back from mat leave early. That's the only way I'm comfortable with it from a career perspective too.

Just to say as well that nursery might seem really hard compared to having a nanny particularly with a commute. The last few weeks for me have been horrendous with train problems and I’ve had the stress of not making pick-up. I also have to leave early and that combined with part-time working has killed any chance of progression I have in my place.

So the option 3 plan in more detail would be:

• Monday morning I drop the kids off and work from home. Mum arrives mid afternoon and does pick up.

• Tuesday, I go to the office and Mum has both children all day.

• Wednesday, I go to the office. Mum drops off at nursery and heads home. I get back in time for pick up.

Does that sound awful? Too much for my mum? She said that she's up for it as she's always been here every other week anyway and it's only for six months...

Option 2. It is a big ask of your mum; keep her and your dad for emergencies.

You're mum is 68 not 88. She wants to be involved. it's only 6 months. Lets you have own life & some economic security. Lots to like.

It sounds absolutely fine for your mum, not only will she love it but it's gold standard child care. Win/win.

A 3 day a week with one from home will absolutely present you as mummy track.

But she IS a mummy, her employers want her back asap and it's only for a few months.

As @Bluelady says, my employers know that I want to come back from mat leave early and that this is the only way I can do it... at least that's how I present it to them. They know that it's a phased return going back to full time by September 2019. They know that I'm not going to have any more children. They know that I'm interested in an Of Counsel role or partnership once I've got both my children in school and they are supportive of that. Is that such a bad picture?

I do need to think some more about what we do if my mum's sick and I guess I might interview any nannies interested in case Mary Poppins is out there...

I'm also wondering about a hybrid where I take September and October off but then we use my mum for childcare from November and make back the money that September and October cost us.... that's a very interesting thought...

Is your mum any more likely to be sick than a nanny?