... to ask which childcare option you would choose?

[LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]

I have a 3 year old ds and dd is 6 months old. I am a solicitor and work just over an hour's commute from home. We've had a fantastic nanny since I went back to work after ds but she is on maternity leave until next April. I had planned to go back to work in September but I'm now not sure what to do...

Option 1: I take a full 12 months' maternity leave, tack on two months' holiday and go back to work when our usual nanny comes back next April. This is just about doable but would decimate all our savings.

Option 2: We employ a 4 day per week fixed term nanny until April and I go back to work. A new nanny would have ds 1 day per week as he'll be in nursery 3 days per week, and dd 4 days per week. I'm worried about this option as I work 11 hour days and dd is still so small. Also ds is very attached to our usual nanny and will find the transition hard.

Option 3: I use holiday (1 day per week) to work three days per week until next April. Ds does 3 days nursery per week and I'd use two of those days to cover my working days. I'd put dd in nursery 2 days per week as well and my mother would cover my third working day. I think this option might be best as my children are very close to my mum and she visits us every other week anyway. But I'm worried about putting dd in nursery so much. I'm worried about asking so much from my mum as she's 68 (although fit, well and active) and lives 3 hours away. I'm also concerned because my mum would have to stay 2 nights per week for 6 months which might drive dh crazy.

Option 4: we get a two day per week nanny until April. I work three days per week as in option 3 but ds is in nursery 2 days while I'm at work and with the nanny 1 day and dd is in nursery 1 day and with the nanny the other 2 days. I'm not sure how much this option solves as it would still mean a difficult transition for ds. But it might be better for dd than option 3.

What would you do? Are there any options that I'm missing?

Very good point. Maybe a little bit more likely as she is older. And also the point pp made about the 3 hour drive here (although she could get the train) making it harder for her to get here if she was just a little bit under the weather. And of course if the nanny is sick, my mum is my back up plan whereas if my mum's sick... well, I guess I still have my dad as an option!

I'm going round in circles! 😬

I would find a nanny on a temp contract. Then if current nanny doesnt return/falls pregnant again/doesnt agree to reduced salary for NWOC sitch then you have an established nanny ready

How old will the nannys baby be when she comes back?

I wouldn't guarantee that she and baby will be ok with baby's dad picking baby up in the afternoon.
It's up to them to decide what works obvs, but there is no orducying how it will work out once her baby is here

Option 1 would be my choice. If the boiler breaks etc put it on a credit card you can pay it off once you are back at work or dh gets promotion (if anything is needed).

Second choice would be option that your mum and nursery cover childcare. Youngest will be fine at nursery. Think it is better than the children getting used to a new nanny who then leaves in April.

Kids are resilient whatever you do will be fine and mum guilt will make you wonder if you did the right thing no matter what, try not to pay too much attention to it.

Option 1 or 3.

Will nanny compromise at all and come back earlier if her finances are fairly tight and given she is bringing baby with her?

If option 1, could you economise at all eg take mortgage payment holiday, pay interest only for a few months, cut down costs. If partner is close to partner in law firm and you’re a solicitor I am thinking you can rebuild your savings relatively quickly once back working.

Is this your last child? An extra 6 months off isn’t long in the span of an entire career. I’m biased as miss the preschool days!

Can you confirm op you are having the nanny back on her old terms and full salary yet she will be bringing her own baby with her?

Surely that can not be right ???? I had assumed you had worked out a significant reduction for her coming back enabling her still to work with no childcare costs for herself?

usually a Nanny coming off Mat Leave bringing her baby stays on the same pay but you tend not to give them a pay rise that year when they possibly would have one.

She’s also offered to pay for activities which the OPs child does for her own Baby which is good sign :)

Any chance you could ask her to do one day a week from Christmas with both the little ones? Then your mum could cover a couple of days...could you work 4 compressed days?

So, we've tentatively agreed that our current nanny would be paid less for the hours that she is here with her baby (£10 per hour net) but more for the hours she's here with my two as she was due a pay rise from us anyway (£12 per hour net). End result will be that her pay won't change much.

Kids are resilient whatever you do will be fine and mum guilt will make you wonder if you did the right thing no matter what, try not to pay too much attention to it.

@LML83 Thank you! It helps to hear that!!

Since 50% of her attention or more (as her baby is younger) will be given to her own baby rather than yours I think she’s getting an amazing deal.

I can see why she is so keen to come back she would be extremely lucky to get this deal elsewhere!

Do you have any debt?

If you don't, I wouldn't be so concerned about the downsides of option 1. With your salaries, you're not going to have an issue borrowing money to cover an unexpected issue like a boiler breakdown, and since the loss of income will be temporary, it's hardly like you'd be getting into some spiral of debt.

@Somersetlady

If you met her, you might think that we're lucky to have her. She really is brilliant. Incredibly bright, caring and imaginative with a degree in early years education and years of nannying experience. All my friends want to steal her!

@ThePants999

We do have some debt from my first maternity leave which was unplanned and unpaid...

Option 1.

Personally I think you're crazy for allowing a nanny to bring her own dc to work.

If I'm paying nanny rates, it's for their complete attention on my dc and only my dc.

If the attention was to be split with other dc i'd save myself the money and hassle of being an employer and get a cm.

I also kind of like that my dd will have a little pal when ds goes to school. I really am very keen on having our nanny back! I just hope that she is too!

“We do have some debt from my first maternity leave which was unplanned and unpaid...”

Sorry to say this but why on earth didn’t you review and reduce your outgoings long ago, if you have debts to pay off? Shopping around for good deals isn’t that hard, Sky is an unnecessary luxury, and paying off debts is surely more important than some of the outgoings you have.

I think it’s strange tbh that you are planning to put your child in private school from day one when you clearly don’t have the means or the money management skills to fund private school for two children from 4-18. You may do in future but you certainly don’t atm.

Is private school really necessary aged 4?! I know this is a bit of a derail but I think it is relevant because I would prioritise the right childcare at this age over private school.

You need to plan for children being ill. If I were you, I'd be doing nursery for the older one, with a nanny most days for the baby, so you have sickness backup for your DS. Or find a childminder for the specific days you want.

Our debt is being paid off every month and we may take money out of the house to cover it as we have to remortgage anyway.

We are ok financially but just would struggle to have one person off for six months. Surely that is the case for lots of families?

The plan is for me to work one more day per week from when ds starts private school... before tax, that's an extra £20k per year so will cover it.

You need to plan for children being ill.

That's true. I have a slightly skewed view on this as ds is very rarely ill... he's only ever had one day off nursery in two years for illness and that was last October. But I know that our luck may not hold so I need to plan for this too!

I’d say get a temporary nanny, least stressful option, children are adaptable and you can do lots of settling sessions, and it’s only for 6 months or so. I do a nanny share and the thought of having to cobble child care together what with nursery sessions and relatives and having to have contingency plans gives me the collywobbles! I also think you’ll find the temporary nanny option the most supportive in general whilst returning to work. No drop offs and pick ups, she can do light housekeeping duties etc.

I will miss the housekeeping duties our current nanny does! She cooks for us every night! 😢 But that's a good reason to go for a temp....

We are ok financially but just would struggle to have one person off for six months. Surely that is the case for lots of families?

Not here. And you would earn many multiples of my family. I'm very surprised 2 fairly senior lawyers have such paltry savings.

As a nanny myself (who has been on maternity leave and come back to work with my child) if your nanny has done things to anable her to come back to work with her child -think you said changed car and got appropriate buggy- I’m 100% sure she’s planning on coming back. You sound like you are a lovely, understanding boss and she probably doesn’t want to leave you.

My bosses got maternity cover while I was away. Have you talked to your nanny directly? Maybe she could help you find cover?

But in terms of option one, if you were ever going to take time off to do childcare now is the best time. Pre-school years where you get all day to be with your littles to do whatever you like with them can be amazing. Ones those school 9-3 hours kick in life is never the same again. Also Your nanny is also of course able to do the “keep in touch days” if you and her are interested in that. So you could start off doing one or two days a week back at work and essentially she’ll still get maternity pay and have a gentil start back into working life. But that’s something you’ll obviously need to chat with her about, she might not be interested.

Amazed about the people who have implied you should get rid of her and find nanny without child. 1) you like her. A nanny you like is worry millions. 2) you can’t sack someone because they got pregnant. That’s against the law. You can tell her that you don’t want her bringing her child into work. But that will course an awful relationship and I don’t feel that’s what you want to do. (More saying it for other posters to read).

Do have a thing about what your back up ill child plan will be. Even if not needed, it’s better to have a back up, then be stressing about childcar needs for the following day.

Whatever you chose to do, good luck! And ther might be a bumping pack when nanny comes back post mat leave. Just give her (and everyone) a chance to settle down into new routine. Five years on my kids and bosses kids have a lovely relationship. And I bend over backwards to help with odd little extras they need as I was honestly so grateful they except my child into their home x

Honestly i would take maternity leave for longer. See if nanny is willing to do a few days. In the overall scheme of things it will be easier. Certainly easier than going back and childcare going pearshaped.

We had £50-60k worth of savings not that long ago but various things came up and now we have about £12k. We both pay a lot into our pensions and have £500k of equity in our house. We could have one of us off work for 6 months or even longer but it seems to make more sense to hold that in reserve in case one of us is made redundant or something awful happens.

I don't really feel like our situation is that bad for two parents in their very early 30s.