... to ask which childcare option you would choose?

[LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]

I have a 3 year old ds and dd is 6 months old. I am a solicitor and work just over an hour's commute from home. We've had a fantastic nanny since I went back to work after ds but she is on maternity leave until next April. I had planned to go back to work in September but I'm now not sure what to do...

Option 1: I take a full 12 months' maternity leave, tack on two months' holiday and go back to work when our usual nanny comes back next April. This is just about doable but would decimate all our savings.

Option 2: We employ a 4 day per week fixed term nanny until April and I go back to work. A new nanny would have ds 1 day per week as he'll be in nursery 3 days per week, and dd 4 days per week. I'm worried about this option as I work 11 hour days and dd is still so small. Also ds is very attached to our usual nanny and will find the transition hard.

Option 3: I use holiday (1 day per week) to work three days per week until next April. Ds does 3 days nursery per week and I'd use two of those days to cover my working days. I'd put dd in nursery 2 days per week as well and my mother would cover my third working day. I think this option might be best as my children are very close to my mum and she visits us every other week anyway. But I'm worried about putting dd in nursery so much. I'm worried about asking so much from my mum as she's 68 (although fit, well and active) and lives 3 hours away. I'm also concerned because my mum would have to stay 2 nights per week for 6 months which might drive dh crazy.

Option 4: we get a two day per week nanny until April. I work three days per week as in option 3 but ds is in nursery 2 days while I'm at work and with the nanny 1 day and dd is in nursery 1 day and with the nanny the other 2 days. I'm not sure how much this option solves as it would still mean a difficult transition for ds. But it might be better for dd than option 3.

What would you do? Are there any options that I'm missing?

Well said Emerald!

Also whilst I’m tellling you how to run your life, do think very carefully about the nanny returning with her baby. You’re paying full market rate but you’ll have another small baby competing for attention. I totally get switching nannies is a giant PITA but make sure youve through it all through. So what happens for example if your kids have chicken pox baby hasn’t had it, will she come to work, what if her baby has it and yours haven’t had it, what if a child has d&v, paying for activities for an extra child, what about buggies, naps, school runs etc etc. For some people a NWOC can work but everyone needs to be very clear on boundaries and how it is meant to work.

And I say all that about the NWOC situation because it seems to me you’re pinning a lot of choices around it working. Whereas if you think it through and decide it’s not realistic for you then that fundamentally changes the game.

This thread interests me and also really depresses me. I'm also a solicitor but my DH isn't - is outstanding in his niche field but it doesn't pay well so I'm the breadwinner. I'm going back to work full time when our baby is 8 months so he'll be in nursery 5 days a week. No family near by.

Anyway I'd do option 2 probably and maybe rethink keeping your existing nanny. You're lucky to have the options.

I do think you should be more sensible with finances anyway, and cut back on the non essential things, shop around etc.

This is true.

Option 5?
If I’d read correctly you do 4 days a week?
Could you go back 2 days a week and put children in nursery on the mon/weds as that’s the days they can both do? Use a combination of unpaid leave/parental leave (which doesn’t have to be taken in week blocks if your employer agrees) and holidays until your nanny is back? You could do three days some weeks when your mum/ husband are available to have children?

@EmeraldVillage

No, I appreciate the bluntness. Dh basically asked for a get out of jail free card for a year so he could see if this partnership thing is possible and I said that was ok. I am doing what I can to protect my career in the meantime and also enjoying time with the children. But going back in September isn't just about the money - it's about protecting my career too. And this thread and ppl pointing out that financially I probably could go back has helped me realise that too.

Option 1. You wouldn't have no money, just no savings, temporarily ( a situation which is pretty common outside of mn land!). It sounds like you're very happy with your nanny and like she is making plans to be with you for the very long term. She could be worth her weight in gold over the next 10 years. It will give your dc greatest stability. Does your 4 year old go to nursery on the 30 funded hours? Just thinking that you could save on nursery fees by staying at home, then switching to school/nanny on her return?

Ds gets 15 free hours as long as he does more than 2.5 days per week so that would actually reduce our expenses considerably as he has just turned 3. That's quite a big help as will save us around £250 per month.

Personally I would be working on the worst case scenario that nanny won't come back after maternity leave. So don't commit to anything you don't/can't do forever.

I'd be looking at another Nanny to cover until your regular one comes back. All your other plans sound a bit hard work, too many drop offs in different places on different days!

Unless you are getting a big reduction for letting your nanny bring her own child with her after maternity are you sure that's the best option and actually worth waiting for?

I'd go for a new temp nanny and see how it goes, your child will settle and once they go to school they will have different staff each year so no different.

I would also add are you 100% sure your nanny will return? Is there any possibility she'll decide to stay home with her little one?

Option 1 or another option you haven't yet thought of. Please not Option 2 which pins all your plans on a nanny currently on maternity leave. It sounds as though she was a great nanny, much appreciated by your ds and the whole family...but....an unencumbered nanny caring for your one small child is a wholly different situation to a nanny caring for your 2 children while having her own baby with her. Would be a shame if you were pushed to the wire in April, desperately needing to return to work for both financial and career reasons with no time to take off and then found the situation didn't work and you needed to devote time to finding a new nanny in any case.
Have you thought of telling nanny she can't bring her baby (and potentially having her decide not to return)? In that case I would employ the best maternity cover nanny I could find and hope that she might become permanent if the situation required it.

I agree that temp nappy til April is sensible. If your mum was closer that would be more viable.

The reasons that I think I'm ok with the nanny returning with her baby are:

• my ds will be about to start school so she will only have her baby and my baby most of the time

• her dh finishes work at 3pm every day and will come straight to pick their baby up

• her dh doesn't earn as much and will cover their baby's sickness

• her baby will do a morning of nursery every week

• she has offered to pay for her baby to do all the same activities as my baby

• she has bought a car and a pram that will work for all/both the children

• she will have a bedroom at my house for her to use for her baby's nap times etc.

Is there anything else that we haven't thought of??

Is there anything else I haven't

Also, massive drip feed, for every month my mum does childcare, I can save £3k which would give us a lot of breathing room for when I'm trying to pay a nanny and school fees...

I wouldn't depend on your mum for any childcare when she is 3 hours away. I'd have a different nanny for now until your regular one is back in April, for 4 days a week.

Sounds like you've thought of a lot with regards to your regular nanny coming back though :)

My nanny came back after she'd had her baby, and it worked brilliantly for both of us. She got to keep her job (not easy for a nanny with their own child) and I got continuity of care. BUT my DC were older, so she wasn't having to deal with my babies as well as hers.

I'd be seriously concerned about her coming back, no matter what her situation and no matter what she might be saying before her baby arrives.

Above all, it really concerns me to hear you talking about all of this effort and cost coming from you and your money. I don't care if you've agreed to help DH pursue his partner ambitions - I really worry that you're the one taking all the hits here.

It's very sad to read this on Mumsnet, and I read it all the time, of clever and talented and experienced women taking a back seat to allow their husbands to get the glory.

That's not, in any way, to say that bringing up your children isn't important. But I don't think it's at all fair that the whole 'burden' of childcare is seen to be the responsibility of the female parent.

How old were your dc @BIWI?

It's very much about what each of us want though. I'm at a more high flying firm than dh and am not sure about wanting partnership. He wants his shot now. I will get pay back at a time that's right for my career!

I had two nannies, from when I first went back to work when DC1 was 6 months old (we didn't have the luxury of 12 months maternity leave in those days!) till when DC1 was 14 and DC2 was 11. Our second nanny, the one who had her own child, was with us for 9 years, the last 2 of which were with her own baby.

I hope, very much, this about what you both want, but I fear it's not. You're giving way already to what he wants, and the presence of children means you're also being taken away from your role and career. By so doing, are you really going to get payback at a time of your choosing?

Sorry, don't want to give the wrong impression - I did have two nannies, but not at the same time

I'm going back five days a week next September at which point everything will be far more equal. Or totally equal. It has been unequal for a while but I've had my time at home with the children which I have mostly loved!

I’d go for option 1 - assuming you’re not paying your nanny her full salary while she’s on mat leave, surely the savings there would minimise the impact on your savings? I could never ask someone to do a 6 hour round trip to care for my kids on a regular basis, so using your mum just wouldn’t be an option I’d consider. Which leaves a temp nanny, or you being home for longer and out of those two, I’d opt to stay home.

OP I do hope you're right about things becoming more equal but you need to be so, so firm about it. Because I bet you a quid that when the year of "free pass" is up, there will be lots of excuses about the next pressure he's under. Plus the default is now you doing it all and he's not going to be incentive to change.

Bottom line now I'd suggest you do what is going to make it easiest for you to succeed. And if you do want to go back then I'd suggest that is nanny. I've gone back to work in a demanding role with 2 young children, the youngest being a non sleeper and it crap. If I'd had to juggle nursery issues, nursery exclusions, mum isn't well etc etc ALL BY MYSELF (as you would be) I think I'd have had a breakdown. Plus all fringe benefits of coming home to kids bathed, their rooms tidy and their laundry done etc. Seeing it is all on you, make things easy on yourself even if that comes at a cost.

On NWOC the key thing missing is what happens when she doesn't want to expose her child to your germy children. I'd be clear that caring for ill children remains part of the role and if she doesn't want to bring her child then she needs to make other arrangements with Dad to have him. You'd also need to discuss routines and whether you're happy your baby being stuck in the house because it is the others child's nap.

One other thing is that frankly if the difference between your wage and the nanny's wage for c7 months exhausts all your savings I would think EXTREMELY hard about whether private school fees are a realistic option for you. Because honestly it doesn't sound like it. It is easy to get caught up in the furore in London that You Must Go To Prep School Or The World Will End but it simply isn't true. You'll tie yourself into a lifestyle you can't afford if you aren't very careful.

ave to say i'm a little shocked at only having £10k family saving between a solicitor and a guy wanting to make partner.

If you DH won't help, and you can't afford to stay home, then you need to go back to work! I'd go for a fixed term nanny.