Children's weight, table manners - we seem to be going backwards?

[Gromance02]

I am happy to be told YABU but with all of the research and education, we have record levels of childhood obesity, children can't use a knife and fork, don't know how to behave in restaurants etc. What is going on? I am early 40's but remember only one child being anything other than normal weight in the whole of first school, my family had all meals including breakfast together at the table. Where has the UK gone wrong?

my family had all meals including breakfast together at the table. Where has the UK gone wrong?

YABU to assume this is 'right'

I’ll be flamed for this, but both parents working full time. It means you’re knackered, can’t cook properly, can’t all eat together and don’t have as much time with your kids.

I’m not casting judgement, it’s a society issue that’s made the cost of living so high that most people need two working parents.

But that’s the root of it in my opinion.

I was a little lardarse in 1983. We all ate at the table together and used a knife and fork.

I actually agree with MrSpock. I was thinking about it the other day, it feels so hard to fit everything in in such a small time.

I was like the only overweight child in my class in the early 90s, we never ate together as a family my mum worked 2 jobs and dad didn't but my dad was useless, left my mum to do all cooking etc so think she just gave us shite.

I think "table manners" are part of the cause. I was also made to finish my plate regardless of already being full. Also not sure about both parents working- I don't believe there's many families in history where both parents haven't had to work.

I think it’s a real shame that most families can’t afford a parent who’s at home/part time. I think kids gain a lot by having a parent around.

I don’t think it matters which parent it is - so this isn’t a snipe at women working. It’s more directed at a neoliberal capitalist system that’s put profit above the good of the people, and led to a situation where it’s almost impossible to support a family on one wage.

Yes I do think a lot of it is a decline in the once traditional family unit of one parent working and one at home. My dad worked 5am-2pm and my mum was a teacher who finished at 4pm latest everyday. We sat down to dinner at 4.30pm pretty much everyday.

I don’t think you’ll be flamed Mr Spock- as there’s probably a fair amount of truth in what you’ve said.

I’d also add that due to the high costs of living in most areas of the UK, that many children are growing up in small houses and flats where there isn’t any room for a table and chairs. Eating on the sofa is a necessity for a lot of people.

Hercules

When my mum was growing up, her parents had three kids, one car and one job. They lived in a council house, never went abroad, and weren’t rich by any stretch of the imagination but they were comfortable enough that they could afford for her mum to be a SAHM. All the other kids at her school had SAHMs too and the estate they lived on primarily had women not working.

As I’ve said, I don’t think it has to be women at home, it’s juat historically it has been more often women.

Many houses these days are too small to fit a table into the lounge , and don't have dining rooms . Many new builds for example you struggle to even get more than the sofas and TV into the lounge.

I think "table manners" are part of the cause. I was also made to finish my plate regardless of already being full.

To be fair this is terrible for kids. They need to learn to read the signs of when they're hungry and full. Obviously if they decide they're full they can't have a bag of crisps 10 minutes later though!

I don't believe there's many families in history where both parents haven't had to work My experience of growing up in the 80's was that most families had a father that worked full time and the mother either didn't work or worked part-time at the most. Very average background btw.

think it’s a real shame that most families can’t afford a parent who’s at home/part time. I think kids gain a lot by having a parent around.

Well there is, but, a lot of these kids are coming up who have both parents at home but they lack the interest/ability required

mrspock has probably nailed it

Kids are dumped here there and everywhere for childcare while parents desperately try and keep a roof over their heads.

Kids have so much homework now that instead of going out to play they are stuck inside doing more school work.

Parents also disheartened at the ever increasing lists if what kids will and won't eat so are serving what they know will get eaten. Especially when time is so limited and they want to get them fed and to bed.

I also think we have moved on as a society where it was almost vital for kids to be doing certain things at certain times and now it's all "when they are ready" which leaves a much wider time span for things to be accomplished .

I think the types of meals where you all sit down at the table are generally healthier than the meals you eat elsewhere or on the go.

It seems everyone is so much busier now. Not just adults working more but also kids being at school, childcare and extra curricular activities. It just seems to mean that mealtimes are short to fit
in with a tight schedule and the food tends to be quick and easy.

Not really fair to compare the vast areas of the UK that you're probably exposed to now to the one fat kid in your primary school. The kids in your primary school will have been affected by the location of the school, the demographics attending, their class background. Whereas now you're (probably) interacting with a much more diverse range of people and so are understandably seeing differences.

Its the way we live our lives, and also the expectations we have that have changed. So most households probably now have two parents working, and often at least one will be working long hours. But also whatever "spare" time we have is often taken up with other activities (ferrying kids to clubs, going to the gym etc..) so that all leaves less time for cooking family meals, and actually being able to sit down for one.

Add in children not walking as much, screen time instead of playing out, take away / fast food culture, and you pretty much have your answer.

My DM worked FT and we got fed absolute shit but we weren’t overweight because we were so active. Kids in the nineties and before will remember how processed and horrendous some of the food was, it was shit you wouldn’t dream of giving kids nowadays (and actually some of it has been outlawed ). But we weren’t trapped indoors for hours, we were outside running around and that made a huge difference to our weight.

If I were a stay at home Mum or part time things would be different. I am so busy

I was a widowed single parent with two kids, working full time, and we sat down to a proper home cooked dinner on the table every night. Our village was ten miles from the nearest takeaway or supermarket, so junk food wasn’t an option even if I’d wanted it. It’s perfectly easy to cook nutritious food, and if kids are never given junk they don’t crave it. Mine had green veg with every dinner, - I used to make the veg “talk”, shouting that they refused to be eaten by mere children, so the kids gobbled them up with glee!
I think modern mums have missed out on cookery lessons, or have just been given ready meals by their own mums, so there isn’t the knowledge of how to make cheap nourishing meals from scratch.
I would leave a big casserole cooking slowly in the oven while doing the kids bath and bed routine, then cool and refrigerate it overnight to have it ready for the next day and batch some of it for the freezer.
Veg cook in minutes, ditto pasta, and even whole grain rice only takes half an hour whike you prep the rest of the meal. Fresh fruit is an easy pudding, and healthier than bought high calorie ones.
Kids back then were much more active, too - they were out playing in parks and fields, not sitting indoors on screens all weekend. They burned far more calories and were fitter.
I sympathise with hard pressed, time stressed parents (been there, got T shirt, etc!), but I think it’s still possible to offer healthy meals - it just takes some planning and prep.

I always wonder about this time when all mothers stayed home with the children. My mum and aunts always worked and all my friends mums worked as well. My grandmas both worked and so did all my great aunts. The only female relatives that didn't officially work lived on farms so 'not working ' meant being out on the farm all day every day.

I am sure there were sections of society where mothers didn't work but people who bang on about this mystical time just sound really sheltered.

Oh, and there were plenty of ill-mannered kids around when I was a child in the 80s as well. But I grew up in a city and not in mystical fairy land.

And my grandma and all my great aunts don't believe anything is cooked if it isn't fried and rarely eat any vegetable that isn't chips.

convenience food and the rise of it and I think more and more traffic making it difficult to play out

Look at how many more fast food joints there are

Snacks, I think that is the real issue. Very easy to eat too much if you are constantly snacking as many kids are these days. Harder to eat too much if you have 3 meals a day and no snacks. I also think it is easy for parents to lose track of how much their child is actually eating if they are eating lots of snacks.