Children's weight, table manners - we seem to be going backwards?

[Gromance02]

I am happy to be told YABU but with all of the research and education, we have record levels of childhood obesity, children can't use a knife and fork, don't know how to behave in restaurants etc. What is going on? I am early 40's but remember only one child being anything other than normal weight in the whole of first school, my family had all meals including breakfast together at the table. Where has the UK gone wrong?

My parents both worked FT in the 60s! (tbf, I am furrin). Roald Dahl published Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in 1964. Augustus Gloop wasn't supposed to be an exotic never-seen-before fat kid. They already existed so his readers had no trouble imagining what one looked like.

Drives me nuts when people hand wring like the past was some wonder magic land without problems or things we don't like today.

Children shouldn’t be forced to eat what is on their plate. I have one daughter, work full time. She is well mannered, eats very healthily and is a delight. If she feels like a cake etc, she has it. It’s rare she wants one, I, on the other hand, have had issues with under eating and over eating my whole life. We were made to stay at the table until the last bit of soggy cabbage or vile liver was eaten. We rarely had treats. I made different choices on how to bring my daughter up; I don’t regret it in the slightest.
I’m fed up if young people bring seen as ill mannered. I work with teenagers and find them, on the whole, pleasant, polite and friendly. Older people through the ages have always complained about young people,

So many reasons really. Both parents working, families having to eat at different times, fall back on convenience foods etc. Also less focus on mealtimes and more snacking and heating things up in microwaves as and when.

I'm currently staying in a hotel where there are lots of young families and the amount of young kids running around during mealtimes instead of being made sit at the table is shocking. Not to mention shouting and screaming. The whole idea of families sitting down together and eating together and children being expected to have manners at the table seems to be rapidly disappearing.

Obesity is caused by national government policy, which means that you can buy a chocolate bar for 40p and an apple for a pound.

What??

Firstly, I have never paid £1 for an apple in my life.

Secondly, no-one from the government has ever bought my kids a bar of chocolate, unwrapped it and put it in their mouths.

Lack of parental responsibility, is also one of many factors that contribute to child obesity...

Fucking manners, jesus

Lack of manners isn't making anyone FAT is it? Eating too much for your level of activity makes you fat, not holding your knife like a pen.

I don't think working has much to do with it. Beans or eggs on toast is a perfectly fine meal for example. No one will be getting fat on that. I think it's the snacking. I wasn't alive in the 60/70s but from what I've heard you ate your meals and that was that, no fast food culture etc. I went to visit a nursery recently and they said the kids were given a snack twice a day, pudding after dinner and toast and fruit available at all times for them to pick at throughout the day. I thought it was ridiculous, as if eating 5 times a day isn't enough. If I sent my DS there I'm 99% sure he'd just eat toast, maybe pasta if it was on offer and pudding.

Blue

My daughters private nursery provides a break down of what was eaten and how much, each day.

The frequency of eating if not the sheer volume of food made me wonder how necessary it was. Agree with you that it just too much.

When at home my daughter won’t eat as much, nowhere near. I’m not a snacker though so it doesn't occur to me to provide them. Granted she’s also much more fussy about what she does eat. Toddlers!

Snacks aren’t a problem providing you don’t eat excessive calories.

I agree, but the issue is it is much easier to eat too much if you are snacking. And it is far harder to keep track of everything your kids eat if they snack lots.

BlueGenes I worked in a nursery a long time ago. Kids had lunch and a small snack of fruit. They were not given access to food throughout the day.
I watched a while ago some research with young kids showing that some kids will eat more, if the food is in front of them. But if there is less food, they simply eat less but say they are full up. It wasn't all kids, but they were saying some kids are naturally more prone to this. And the kid who ate the most when lots of food was around was slim as was her mother. So it seemed as if it may be a genetic thing?

Portion sizes have become ridiculous. The amount of food you get when you order a meal in a restaurant would often feed 3 people. Sandwiches come with a side of chips or crisps. I bought one portion of beef stroganoff in our local deli last week. It did dinner for two with enough left over for a lunch. I've just had a meal in a hotel restaurant. My mother and I had a starter each and shared a portion of chips and couldn't even finish what was on our plates.

Kids are growing up with these supersized portions, which is just storing up trouble.

When I was at Primary School in the 70s, I was the class fatty. When I look at photos of my 10 year old self, I would pass as normal weight nowadays. Where I teach, there are at least 5 or 6 porkers in each class. Something has gone wrong.

The snack thing is weird isn't it? I dont remember a mid morning snack or a mid afternoon one-I grew up in the 80's. I might have got a bit hungry but then that just meant I ate whatever was for lunch.

It is harder to cook from scratch if you both work full time. I try to do batch cooking at the weekend but even that takes me away from the kids and it's time I'd rather spend with them. At 11 and 12 they will sometimes help but they aren't that interested and that's fair enough, I wasn't at that age either. Usually I make the dinner for the next day the night before so we have something ready to eat when we get in (and so eat at a reasonable time) and it's less pressure. I. Ok the next days meal after we've eaten and I use the slow cooker a-lot. Inevitably there are some nights however when I am just too tired to do this.

I actually think it's really valuable to have someone at home (I didnt growing up and it's affected my relationship with my parents badly). To this end I'm looking to switch to night work for a bit-so at least I'll be there to pick the girls up and be around after school. I'm hoping it will feel less chaotic at home too. (I don't in the least want to work nights for me but it's the only option I can see that will pay enough and allow me to be at home more and when the girls are).
Both my kids are skinny as rakes but then so was I-until I turned about 15. They are averagely active and they do eat a lot of sweets which they purchase with their own money-outside of the healthier stuff I give them for meals. Again it's harder to police that when I'm not there or they are out on their own.

Nonsense. There were plenty of fat kids and skinny kids with no table manners when I were a lassie growing up in the 80`s.

You can eat an apple on the go and sit down to eat a pizza with cutlery at the table. It's got nothing to do with table manners.

DH grew up with MIL in home. She was heavily overweight and couldn't cook at all so he learned absolutely nothing from her about healthy eating and cooking.

Food is getting increasingly unhealthier. The range and price of processed unhealthy foods make them more accessible, especially to the poorer families. People in general are less active. Families have 2/3/4 cars and drive everywhere. That's why everyone is fat.

If parents have no interest in being active, that will rub off on the kids. If mum sits on her arse most evenings watching TV the kids will follow suit. Go out for walks with the kids from an early age. Go to the gym, running, fitness class. Get them interested in playing a sport. It will give them a focus in life.

When they are older they don’t need a lift everywhere. We live rurally and 2 miles from the next village where the kids friends are. They will walk down and up again. Im not here to ferry them everywhere.

I also meal plan as we are out 5 nights a week with various activities,

Works for us.

There has been research to show that the amount of physical activity people do without having to or making themselves do it, is largely genetic. So people who don't naturally have a lot of physical activity, need more willpower to make themselves be more active, or live in a country and situation where they have no choice.

Some of the lack of standards (bloody hell I sound like my mother!) isn’t just down to parents having little time. Haven’t read the full thread but as a teacher, general manners in school have gone downhill since I’ve been teaching. Children can’t/won’t say please/thank you/good morning (and I work in a naice middle class school in an affluent area). They don’t know how to use a knife and fork because it’s all done for them at home, parents of reception children still feed them instead of letting them try cutlery.
As a parent, encouraging resilience and independence is near impossible because of other helicoptering parents - only yesterday my own daughter (13) went to see a friend who lives about 3/4 of a mile away. Unless I was passing I wouldn’t dream of taking her. But the other parent brought her back in the car because it was ‘a long way home’. Parents ferry their children everywhere because it’s convenient, not because it’s time-saving and because some parents see their children as precious snowflakes who can’t be trusted to sort themselves out. This is a problem we see in school all of the time and it must contribute to the obesity/lack of standards problem.

Parents ferry their children everywhere because it’s convenient, not because it’s time-saving and because some parents see their children as precious snowflakes who can’t be trusted to sort themselves out.

I’ve noticed this. I don’t drive and dont plan to, so we walk everywhere and my kids will have to walk everywhere and use public transport.

I don’t see the need to use a car all the time. If I did have one, I’d only use it for large purchases I can’t carry and for days out I can’t get to on the bus.

I think it's more than not eating together/both parents working.

My parents worked but we ate well and things like sweets/cakes/takeaways were occasional treats.

These days, people generally eat sweets and takeaways much more frequently - I know some families who eat at least one takeaway per week which seems a lot to me. Me and my husband have a takeaway probably once every 6 months - if that! Our son is allowed sweets but very occasionally - he will happily eat fruit/veg/drink water.He can certainly use a knife and girl and behave appropriately in a restaurant (he is 4) because we have taught him to.

Portion sizes is another one though. We are on holiday at the moment so have eaten in a fair few pubs etc. Portions are huge! I ordered a prawn baguette the other day which came with chips and salad - far more than I was able to finish! My son had a child's sausages with chips and beans - 3 sausages, beans and chips - I could have had that portion and been filled by it. My son is a good eater but no way he could eat that.

Finally activity levels have greatly reduced - we are fortunate to have massive outdoor space which is safe so our son plays outside a lot, goes swimming and is taken for walks/to the park but so many kids can't do that.

I was born in 1960 (!). My dad was in the forces and then the civil service. Mum never worked, nor did most of the mums down our street. We had 3 meals a day and no concept of or need for "snacks" unless possibly an apple between meals. Sweets were brought out of pocket money, which wasn't a lot, so maybe a couple of times a week. We sat at table for weetabix or cornflakes breakfase, dinner (cooked meat n 2 veg) and tea (mainly bread and butter, cheese, jam, a slice of cake). Put simply we ate less and what we did eat was smaller portions and more healthy. Us kids had school dinners, dad ate cooked at work. Money was tight but my parents wanted someone to be at home looking after us kids.
We sat at table to eat and talk, from early age that was just what we did so no concept of running about with food in our mouths. We asked to get down when we had finished. Just training from an early age I guess. No elbows on table, no talking with your mouth full. No interrupting.
And of course we were out and doing stuff all the time, riding bikes, horses, over the park with friends.

So it's not rocket science is it? Just stand outside a school at going home time and watch the parents doling out the "snacks" as soon at the children are out of the gate. Of course they are fatter than we were.

There are also after school activities which involve juggling children from one location to another, maybe entertaining a sibling along the way, eating snacks and packed teas and/or a late dinner when they eventually arrive home. If children are spending parts of the week with different parents it is hard to maintain consistency.

I do wonder if perhaps it is easier to get kids to sit at a table okay, when they have a chance to run around and be energetic for at least a few hours a day.

I see it as the rise in convenience food and lack of exercise.
My mum was a sahm and we were all huge. Huge portions. Butter on vegetables etc.
Me and my DH work full time, cook healthy meals for our kids, who all have good manners and aren’t overweight