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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children's weight, table manners - we seem to be going backwards?

148 replies

Gromance02 · 01/08/2018 09:54

I am happy to be told YABU but with all of the research and education, we have record levels of childhood obesity, children can't use a knife and fork, don't know how to behave in restaurants etc. What is going on? I am early 40's but remember only one child being anything other than normal weight in the whole of first school, my family had all meals including breakfast together at the table. Where has the UK gone wrong?

OP posts:
MrSpock · 01/08/2018 12:19

I was born in the nineties and my mum never worked FT, although she did work it was both PT and she had all the school holidays off too.

I’m always grateful for that.

crunchymint · 01/08/2018 12:20

I was born in the 70s and nearly every family I knew had two working parents. But I grew up in a very poor area where families really could not make it without both parents working. Benefits for families in work were much much lower then.

Blackteadrinker77 · 01/08/2018 12:21

We now consume 20% more calories than we did in the 70s.

Combine that with the fact we all move less due to technological advances and transport getting more affordable. Also that food is so convenient now and you have the perfect storm.

IdontunderstandPicasso · 01/08/2018 12:21

Hmmm well my mum and grandmothers didn’t have to go to work until I was school aged so I guess they had more time to cook from scratch and we had dinner when Dad got home from work. I have a career and so does my husband but we still couldn’t afford for one of us to take several years out of work. We never get home from work at the same time so all eating together is rare.
However, my daughter is not obese ( I am chubby though) and we still teach table manners. I don’t give a shit about whether elbows are on the table though.
Just because it is different now doesn’t mean we are “going backwards”. I haven’t noticed an increase in children without table manners. Perhaps you just reach an age where you have time to notice it more. As for childhood obesity, the junk food around now was not around 50yrs ago. If it had been then I’m sure my grandmother would have taken full advantage of it.

rainingcatsanddog · 01/08/2018 12:33

I haven't noticed the table manners thing personally. I think kids these days eat a wider variety of cuisines that don't use a fork and knife - curries, stir fries, pizza etc so use forks and knives less than we did at the same age. How many of us could use chopsticks for instance?

rainingcatsanddog · 01/08/2018 12:35

Giving your child too little to eat is considered child abuse these days. Maybe there's a culture of big portions for kids because some adults remember being miserable and hungry?

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 01/08/2018 12:35

I agree OP that some children have terrible table manners. It makes me cringe to see children as old as 6 or 7 eating their food with their fingers instead of with a knife and fork. Having said that, a good proportion do not seem able to hold the knife or fork properly, and some seem to get into the most peculiar positions in order to put food in their mouths. It looks so ugly.

camelfinger · 01/08/2018 12:48

I’m not hugely bothered about some table manners, e.g. elbows on the table, sometimes it’s handy to have a phone to look at if it’s relevant to the conversation of the people eating, I don’t mind which hand holds which implement.

The majority of people are overweight now though, especially those who used to run about in fields all day in the 70s. Presumably they’re the ones feeding the kids junk?

LillianGish · 01/08/2018 12:55

Cooking from scratch is great, but if you serve massive portions you are still going to get fat - and if you eat lot between meals as well the fact that your main meal is cooked from scratch will not keep your weight down. It’s calories in versus calories out. I think with cooking from scratch you are also more inclined to encourage plate clearing because it feels like more of a waste if you’ve slaved over it I need the first place. I’m someone who cooks from scratch because I like cooking, but I don’t think of it as a weight loss programme.

MrSpock · 01/08/2018 12:58

What I don’t understand is how people can eat massive portions. If I eat a lot, I feel sick. I don’t understand how people do it.

crunchymint · 01/08/2018 13:04

I never feel sick if I eat a lot, just full.

rainingcatsanddog · 01/08/2018 13:15

MrSpock It's a gradual process. Your stomach stretched over time so you are able to fill more into it in one go. I've personally not eaten and felt sick since my last pregnancy 11 years ago.

Paddingtonthebear · 01/08/2018 13:21

I’m on holiday at the moment and the amount of crap kids are eating in the hotel restaurant is something else. Chips for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Three or four portions of dessert. I saw a kid this morning with three pain au chocolate and two donuts on his breakfast plate. Another last night had a whole plate of chicken nuggets, nothing else. Adults just as a bad. Piling it up on their plates. I know people like a treat on holiday but the excess of it all is a bit shocking, a lot of waste left behind on tables. Lots of overweight kids around, all nationalities. And sunburn Sad

WingingWonder · 01/08/2018 13:23

We both work FT and rarely eat together as a family, however-
My kids know how to behave and are also skinny, driven by copious amounts of exercise and rental kid running about, however I agree that the rise in child obesity is shocking, but wonder if a lot is down to kids playing out less and snacks being so normal- my kids seem to expect water bottles filled and a bag f snacks to be taken on even the shortest of outings...
we are rural, my kids school has 2 v over weight kids in whole school, I think that makes a massive difference

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 01/08/2018 13:24

What I don’t understand is how people can eat massive portions. If I eat a lot, I feel sick. I don’t understand how people do it.

I felt guilty at a friends once because I was after eating half of what was dished up so I kept eating... I managed two thirds but then I DID feel sick.

Upthread someone mentioned people eating a whole pizza! I’ve seen that too! We are a family of four (me, DH, adult DD and 15 yo DS who eats as much as DH) and when we have a takeaway pizza we get two large ones between us and usually have half a pizza left over for the next days lunch! Portion sizes are silly IMO.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 01/08/2018 13:26
  • I was FULL after eating half...
SugarIsAmazing · 01/08/2018 13:27

A lot of parents probably only eat with their children at weekends, which I consider so wrong.

Original poster
Gromance02 · 01/08/2018 13:31

I think snacks is a big factor. I had sweets once a week when I was a kid - it was a treat. Now it seems to be the norm for children to have a dessert after dinner and sweets or crisps every single day. Children should be skinny. Not skeletal obviously.

OP posts:
pinkcarpet · 01/08/2018 13:46

I agree snack culture is a major factor as is having 2 working parents. When DD started nursery age 14mo she was given 3 meals and 2 snacks every day and now is obsessed with snacks and constantly asks for them at the weekend as well. Nursery seems to be almost non stop eating

Strokethefurrywall · 01/08/2018 14:04

From my perspective, DH and I both work full time and whilst I cook a lot (in advance so there's always something for the kids when DH brings them home), we rarely eat as a family during the week.

I've made a point of sitting down together as a family for either breakfast, lunch or dinner at least 3 times over the weekend (so Friday evening, Saturday lunch, Sunday dinner for example) and I'm strict about no screens at the table when we're all together.

My kids are skinny things and don't seem to have huge appetites so I don't ply them with snacks and if they're fussy about eating something, I run them ragged outside or in the pool and then present them the same meal. Usually they're so hungry they'll eat anything. I also teach them to eat with their mouths closed, no elbows on the table and using a knife and fork. These are basic table necessities that I think will help them later in life.

But yes, clearly if I was home earlier I'd have dinner made for us all to sit down to when DH and the kids get home, but it doesn't work like that at the moment so I work with the time we have. It helps that office/home/school is all in the same 4 mile radius so no commute.

It's hugely difficult for parents these days, where the costs of childcare are horrendous for most especially in the UK - in the space of one generation, we've gone from having one parent at home being the norm (and affordable) to both parents having to work (not to mention wanting too which is a perfectly valid reason too, I love my career) to be able to afford to keep a roof over their heads.

ISaySteadyOn · 01/08/2018 14:14

I think FishCanFly has hit on something. Nowadays, you can't let your children go out alone until they are at least 13. I remember walking to the lido alone when I was 8 which is only a year older than DD1 is now but I wouldn't dare let DD1 do that. I think there are also more cars on the road now than there were in the 80s even which makes it less safe for children to be out. So a sort of forced inactivity plus snack culture which I am fighting hard against might explain a little.

Blaablaablaa · 01/08/2018 14:19

It's down to both parents working.

@mrspock I disagree. My family benefits far more from having two working parents. Not just financially but we both have rewarding jobs that we love - that makes us happier as a family. I don't think it's a shame that one of us doesn't stay at home . We could afford to but actively choose not to.

MrSpock · 01/08/2018 14:19

Nowadays, you can't let your children go out alone until they are at least 13.

Is this true? I grew up not that long ago, I’m 24, and I used to walk around alone at 10.

MrSpock · 01/08/2018 14:20

Blaablaablaa

If it suits your family then that’s fine, I should have said it’s a shame most don’t have the choice. That’s what I think is sad

Blaablaablaa · 01/08/2018 14:26

@mrspock but on balance I think we're in a far more favourable situation now. Back when is was the norm for one parent not to work that was almost exclusively mum. Often mum didn't have a choice and a life of a housewife was not only expected but was often the only option.

Women can now choose to work, can work full time, part time, choose not to work etc. I wouldn't call it sad.