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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would do? Money stolen

190 replies

sosoflymo · 31/07/2018 20:29

NC for this.

£500 has been taken out of my purse in my bag at home. I took it out yesterday to pay the builders who have been doing some work this week.

10000% was in my bag when I went to bed last night as I took my debit card out of my purse as I was ordering a new washing machine.

In the house this morning there has been: DH (no reason what so ever to take it as it’s joint money and obviously aware the builders need paying) DD (8, and have sat her down and asked if she’s been playing in my bag and taken anything etc and insisted she hasn’t) DD (2, so impossible I would unless she’s managed to climb up on the kitchen counter without me noticing/injury) nanny (been with us 6 years and trust her 100000000%) and our new cleaner, who has been with us for 3 weeks.

I didn’t even notice until the builders turned up at lunchtime to collect the money- went in my purse, every penny gone.

No idea what to do. Cleaner had already left and not mentioned anything to nanny as obviously sensitive and wanted to talk to DH. He thinks we need to sit them both down tomorrow for a chat, but haven’t got a clue to go about it.

Help!

OP posts:
Mummymummums · 31/07/2018 23:16

Definitely try a bluff. I'd text cleaner:
"So sorry to message everyone. We've lost a large amount of money. We do have nanny cams and one will have footage of the place from where the money was taken. I am aware that this will have serious repercussions for someone as I am going to involve the police if it is not returned within 24 hours. I am therefore appealing to that person to return it through the letterbox and save me having to watch 24 hours of footage. This message has been sent to a number of people and is not personal."
But only send to the cleaner. Obvs it could backfire if she doesn't bite. If the money reappears you'll know it was her. And definitely report to agency. Otherwise I don't think you'll see your money again so you've little to lose. If it doesn't reappear I still think you need to change cleaners or she'll be looking for the cams and you'll still think it's her.
Horrible situation.

Witchend · 31/07/2018 23:22

Could it have been knocked under something?

Years ago we were having building work on at a time my dd was performing in Annie. We'd bought loads of tickets for friends and family, and had them in a brown envelope stuck on the noticeboard.
It went missing, and we've never found it.

I really can't think the builders took it, as it was no use to them (I went down to the theatre and they reprinted the tickets. It was sell out and no one turned up at the theatre with the tickets). But it completely disappeared.
I confidently expect at some point it will turn up. I assume it fell off while they were carrying stuff through and got knocked somewhere.

Noideaatall · 31/07/2018 23:31

We lost some money once many years ago, in a similar way. It was our 8 year old, who had taken nothing before, and has taken nothing since (He's now an adult) We found the money in his room - he didn't confess! No idea why.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 31/07/2018 23:37

Agree with small horse

tillytown · 01/08/2018 00:04

If only you and your husband knew about the money, and where it was being kept, why are you accusing anyone other than him?

easyandy101 · 01/08/2018 00:05

If the cleaner nicked 500 from a purse, which is 100% going to be noticed, and quickly, then she's not thinking of going back to that job

nanny tbh

HeyToTheHo · 01/08/2018 00:13

Sit them down including nanny, cleaned, builder and 8 year old child.

It’s not Poirot!

Mmer · 01/08/2018 00:22

Once my 3 year old took $400 from my desk. If you have searched the house though, it is unlikely to be one of your children.

NDNDNDND93 · 01/08/2018 00:34

Police

emmyrose2000 · 01/08/2018 00:39

3 year old dd2 who had seem the money and dragged a chair accross to climb up for it. It was in her toy till

I definitely wouldn't rule out the two year old. At her age, I was like a monkey, climbing everything, often without my parents being aware of it at first, so it's entirely possible she could have accessed your bag. Perhaps make it into a game with her and ask if she's hidden anything/put something in a secret spot lately. Pull out everything that she plays with. Kids of that age do strange things; so I wouldn't entirely discount her being involved just yet.

Failing that, I echo previous suggestions of sending a text to the cleaner. If that yields no results, send one to the nanny too. Have you actually mentioned it to the nanny yet?

ScotInExile · 01/08/2018 00:59

Is it possible that you took it out of your purse and put it in the envelope with the builder's invoice? I've been known to move things then get distracted and forget what I've done with them.

wegotthis · 01/08/2018 00:59

I once lost my debit card the night before I had to pay for a new car. DS2 had posted it down the back of a bookshelf

AgentJohnson · 01/08/2018 05:52

What do you expect the Police to do? It is a case of she said/ she said. How are the Police to verify that the OP had the money in her purse to begin with.

There’s no proof the cleaner took it, beyond that it is missing. I have to agree with waxy1, the OP had 500 qud unattended with someone she barely knew. I hope it turns up but you might have to kiss the money goodbye but you can not go around accusing people without proof and when there are other possibilities.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 01/08/2018 06:10

When you texted the builders to say come round the cash, could either nanny or cleaner have read the text? You mentioned iPhones lying around. It then wouldn't be hard to guess where the money was.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 01/08/2018 06:11

*for the cash

Shoxfordian · 01/08/2018 06:25

Ask if anyone has seen the money today but it may need to be written off. Eek. Sorry op.

OhTheRoses · 01/08/2018 06:28

I wouldn't report to the police. I'd draw a line and move on. Why were you paying £500 in cash? Other potential crimes going on here imo.

EdisonLightBulb · 01/08/2018 06:36

Not necessarily, I used to pay my builder part payments in cash, he was one man and an apprentice. It helped him with cash flow, paying the boy's wages on a Friday, materials for the next phase etc. I paid the final lump sum bank transfer but smaller regular cash payments.

Kahlua4me · 01/08/2018 06:40

Perhaps arrange to pay the builder online next time. Not a good idea to be paying large amounts of cash to trades as it doesn’t give you enough protection if there is a problem.

If you are definitely definitely sure it was in your purse then you should ring the police.

Roomba · 01/08/2018 07:08

I wouldn't necessarily rule out a 2 year old either. DS once 'posted' my car keys in the kitchen bin and absolutely denied all knowledge of it (plus I couldn't see when he'd have the opportunity to do it, but he did!). Found them after hours of searching, while he looked on and said nothing.

Are you 100% certain that no one could have got into the house briefly? A friend had her handbag nicked while she was upstairs at home - she probably didn't even notice for hours. Someone just tried the door, sneaked in and sneaked out quietly within seconds. We've had warnings about similar incidents in my area recently. I could see a burglar having a quick rifle in a bag and just taking the money in it (they stole cash from my bag when I was burgled but left everything else in there inc cards, car keys).

But tbh - new cleaner and cash goes missing? Statistically most likely explanation, I would think. Apologies to all the many honest cleaners out there who would never dream of doing such a thing.

IamReginaFalange · 01/08/2018 08:24

If you send a text you the cleaner saying you are sending it to ‘everyone’ then she knows you have other suspects and she has other people to blame. You would be better if saying you know it’s her and she has 12 hours to give the money back or you will go to the police.
You can’t ever have her work there again anyway and you will never trust her.

FabulouslyGlamorousFerret · 01/08/2018 08:27

Agree, if it's the cleaner she's unlikely to be back.

I would mention to the nanny and the cleaner that you reckon the builders have nicked your money so they think they have got at with it ... then set a trap with a nanny cam 😉 Bingo!!

Jjjjigoo · 01/08/2018 08:41

Trouble is even if you get rid of the cleaner, the nanny would still be under suspicion and you'll always never know.
I lost £10 that I knew was in my purse and knew it could only be a couple of people at work. It wasn't much but it was horrible losing trust. As it happened I found it a couple of days later in a different section of my purse. I'd obviously just shoved It in thinking of something else. It was a relief to know that I could trust these people again.

ShatnersWig · 01/08/2018 08:54

I think you may end up writing this off but I would deliberately leave another smaller sum of money somewhere next time the cleaner comes round and get everyone else out of the house while cleaner is there. Come back after they've gone. If the money's gone, you know who took the last lot. Because if the first lot went and no one said anything, they'll assume they can get away with more, those sorts always do

Bizzylizzyloo · 01/08/2018 08:59

You don't have to have evidence of who took it to report it to the police - the fact that the money is gone is evidence that there has been a theft. It's up to the police to investigate.

If the cleaner is honest and didn't take it, she won't have any issue with the police asking her questions. She will understand that it's part of the process.

For that much money I would report - there's literally no alternative as you feasibly question the cleaner yourself or investigate what has happened.

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