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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would do? Money stolen

190 replies

sosoflymo · 31/07/2018 20:29

NC for this.

£500 has been taken out of my purse in my bag at home. I took it out yesterday to pay the builders who have been doing some work this week.

10000% was in my bag when I went to bed last night as I took my debit card out of my purse as I was ordering a new washing machine.

In the house this morning there has been: DH (no reason what so ever to take it as it’s joint money and obviously aware the builders need paying) DD (8, and have sat her down and asked if she’s been playing in my bag and taken anything etc and insisted she hasn’t) DD (2, so impossible I would unless she’s managed to climb up on the kitchen counter without me noticing/injury) nanny (been with us 6 years and trust her 100000000%) and our new cleaner, who has been with us for 3 weeks.

I didn’t even notice until the builders turned up at lunchtime to collect the money- went in my purse, every penny gone.

No idea what to do. Cleaner had already left and not mentioned anything to nanny as obviously sensitive and wanted to talk to DH. He thinks we need to sit them both down tomorrow for a chat, but haven’t got a clue to go about it.

Help!

OP posts:
ilovepixie · 31/07/2018 21:57

I think it was your husband. He has a gambling/ drug problem, debts or another woman, and thinking I'll take it the cleaner or nanny will get the blame.

LanguidLobster · 31/07/2018 21:57

Cleaner's only been there a few weeks, they really wouldn't know her.

Allthewaves · 31/07/2018 21:59

Could 2 yr old actually gotten at your bag. Mine took various things and stashed them for safe keeping

speakout · 31/07/2018 21:59

Could it have been the OH?

PyeWackets · 31/07/2018 22:02

Please don't jump to conclusions. Call the police and put it in their hands.

LanguidLobster · 31/07/2018 22:03

Or OP, staging it for a new dress and covering tracks by an MN log :)

I think sadly you'll never know, but who knows. Only the person who took it.

misspops · 31/07/2018 22:08

I would find it bizarre that the cleaner who has only been there a few weeks, would do this, as surely, if they have an ounce of sense, they would know they would be the prime suspect?

bigsighall · 31/07/2018 22:14

What chocolatewhisperer said

Hohofortherobbers · 31/07/2018 22:26

Search your older dc room first or anywhere they may have 'played' with it. My pil called the police suspecting the gasman of stealing dmils jewellery a long while back only to discover it in the garden as part of an elaborate game. Bil never admitted to it until it was found.

OhOfCourse · 31/07/2018 22:26

I had exactly the same issue. In my case it was the builder.

They knew I was going to pay them that day and I had the cash in the house. They went to grab it from where I was hiding it - but didn't see my husband was behind the door and saw everything!

Everyone always blames the cleaner. Not sure why they think cleaners would be that stupid. They know they'd be first in the frame...

MaintainTheMolehill · 31/07/2018 22:27

I think it was the nanny. Unless the cleaner is an idiot, she would know she would be blamed. I could see her taking some money in the hope you wouldn't notice, but not it all.
I would contact the police for the crime ref number for insurance and then speak to the agency. Perhaps she's worked with them a long time and they have info on previous character?

NotTerfNorCis · 31/07/2018 22:29

The cleaner might be desperate for some reason, or have 'issues'.

LookAtIt · 31/07/2018 22:30

.

Warpdrive · 31/07/2018 22:30

We lost an envelope with 400 quid in once. Turned house upside down looking for it. Eventually gave up and decided to forgive the person who had taken it, so we weren’t bitter about it. It was a lot of money to us but just didn’t want to carry that rage around with us. Peace is more important.
It did turn up, under a rug (!) but I just wanted to say that to OP because you can go round in circles with things like this, don’t let it rob You of your sanity.

SmilingButClueless · 31/07/2018 22:30

I’d ask the nanny if she’s seen it. Not impossible that she saw one of your children with it and took it from them for safekeeping meaning to give it back to you but forgot / didn’t have chance.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 31/07/2018 22:31

Hope it was one of the kids Thanks

MentalUnload · 31/07/2018 22:34

Sit them down including nanny, cleaned, builder and 8 year old child. Tell them all what happened and that you’ll be going to the police if the money isn’t returned by tomorrow morning. Then go to police the next morning.

speakout · 31/07/2018 22:37

Sit them down including nanny, cleaned, builder and 8 year old child.

Terrible idea.

BlueberryPud · 31/07/2018 22:44

It doesn’t matter if the OP left a trail of £20 notes laying across the hallway, she should be able to leave money in her house and not risk it being stolen

Well, should be able to, but with two non-family members having free access to all areas, you just wouldn't. Well, I wouldn't.

labyrinth · 31/07/2018 22:48

Hate to say it but getting fingerprints from a purse is unlikely depending on the material.
Even if the police came out for that, they will only check against fingerprints already on the police database. Which I'm hoping your nanny won't be on, and unless your cleaner has ever been arrested she won't be on either.
They won't go round printing new people just in case they took it, and they wouldn't speak to them either. Too many suspects. And besides, both Nanny and cleaner could say they had legitimate reasons for their prints to be on your purse, like it fell on the floor or something.
I'd go along the lines of having a Nanny cam and will be checking footage but if it's returned police won't be involved.

Rubies12345 · 31/07/2018 22:55

Whoever it was is likely to do it again. Could you set a trap?

Walkingthedog46 · 31/07/2018 22:56

Is it just possible that the OP has been the victim of an opportunistic ‘walk-in’ thief? A friend left her handbag in the kitchen, middle of the day and both she and her husband were present in the house at the time, but someone just walked in and snatched her purse. They heard nothing and it was only later that she noticed it was missing.

speakout · 31/07/2018 22:57

Also hate to say it but I can;t see this ending well.

Unless you have mislaid it or a child has put it in a silly place.

Any innocent parties will take umbrage at coming under suspicion.
The guilty party ( if there is one) will lie, you will have to continue employing people you don't feel you can trust - or don't feel trusted, or take the risk of sacking the wrong person.

It's a messy situation OP.

Smallhorse · 31/07/2018 23:00

Most “lost’ items are found within 18 inches of where they are supposed to be.
look again.
The money is still there
I’m serious.

Lunde · 31/07/2018 23:01

I think this is going to be a tough one to solve - there were so many people in your house who had potential access - family members, cleaner, nanny. Not to mention the possibility of an opportunist - I lived in an area where thieves moved along backgardens taking money and sometimes purses. Some people didn't even realise they had been burgled for days.

We had a similar problem when £200 went missing from the kitchen cupboard that I's taken out to pay for dd1's 5th party. The guilty party turned out to be ..... 3 year old dd2 who had seem the money and dragged a chair accross to climb up for it. It was in her toy till