Holiday etiquette

[MINKY75]

AIBU? Come away with friends, them two adults two kids, just me and my two kids. We're SC so I'd assumed we'd come up with a fair way to share food bill. First shop they seemed surprised when I suggested paying a little less. Next shop I was again asked to pay half and again pointed out that I wasn't eating and drinking as much as their family. Would you keep quiet and pay half for the sake of a quiet life/harmony?

Did you ever actually spell it out to them? By saying what you said here - "if we do an equal split then I am paying for half of your husband's food bill. I can't afford that and there's no reason for me to subsidise you".

They either didn't digure it out on their own or they did, but don't care and want to take advantage. You should have been direct from the start.

We go on hols with DH's extended family and the way it's calculated is kids are half, adults count as 1. Under 3's don't pay

There's a spreadsheet and everything.....

I would divide all costs per head (7 in your case)and you pay for 3, they pay for 4. It's fair and you can't argue with fair.

One of the reasons I hate holidaying with others apart from DH and DC.

You could pretend that you want to try and force a healthy diet onto you and your DC before the start of the new term, and don't want to force it on them? And so should shop separately?

7% diff - sounds stingy of the OP when put like that. But let's say the 2 kids each on both sides roughly cancel each other out seeing as they're similar ages. So now OP is expected to split the bill equally between her as a single person and them as a couple. Seems a lot less fair.

Yes it might actually be that OP's children will only eat premium unicorn steaks and the couple's children eat dust. But I doubt OP would be on here complaining if that were the case.

OP just pay for your own family from now on and if the couple gripe about it point out that you're £80 down.

Maybe time to start eating and drinking what you are paying for lol!

We go on hols with DH's extended family and the way it's calculated is kids are half, adults count as 1. Under 3's don't pay

Yes, we do similar.

OP still hasn't said the ages of the children involved.....

How old are all the children?

Sounds like about £6 a day, I'd suck it up to keep the peace.

Did they do all the organising?

sheisabelter
I took it from further up the thread,
But mathematically, the per person split is 43%/57%, so at 50/50 OP is on average paying 7% over the odds. But, of course, splits are not an exact science unless you count out every croissant, every drink etc, in which case you are better each paying for your own.

Ok, so their DC are older (eat more?) and there's 2 adults to your one.

Unless their DC are pickers and yours eat heaps, and if money is tight, I'd have to say something.

Not sure what that'd be but no way I'd be subsidizing two adults eating far more & possibly their alcohol (I don't drink much as a LP) / or huge meals when we(my family) all ate or drank far less. It really depends....( I have a boy that always ate full adult sized meals feom age 8 so I'd count him as an adult)

It's really difficult situation though. I'd expect my friends to say something (like "don't worry OP, we'll pay more as there's two of us adults and our DC are bigger and eat more, so let us do an extra shop or we'll buy a bit extra and some more of the bottles of cola/wine/beer.." etc).

You've already split costs half half so it's cheaper for their family than yours pp.

Presumably by sharing the accommodation you saved money that way.

I'd have just paid halves too, it's pretty even bar one person. Seems a little petty to be getting the calculator out every time.

When we holiday with friends, one person puts everything on their credit card and we divi up when the statement comes in; one share per child and 2 shares per adult. If one family goes off on their own, obviously they pay for themselves.

Things like this really annoy me. We have 3DC, compared to most of our friends or family who who have 2. Whenever we do anything with them, we are always reminding them we need to pay extra for our additional child as I hate the idea of being a CF who expects others to subsidise my family. Often they'll say not to worry and to split 50/50 as our youngest is only 2 but I always offer. Seems like we might be in the majority though looking at some of the threads on here.

Clearly the OP is paying too much, and I don't think a simple 3/7 - 4/7 split is fair either, when the person difference is an adult. As a PP said, when we split bills etc, a child is counted as a half an adult.

This is not fair ..no one should be £80 down on a holiday with friends....but there is your issue a friend would not of allowed you to be out of pocket x

YANBU. You’re covering half an adult’s meal essentially with every shop and meal out. Should be split more evenly.

I'd have just paid halves too, it's pretty even bar one person. Seems a little petty to be getting the calculator out every time.

Depends. If the one person is consistently ordering the most expensive thing on the menu, starters and desserts, drinking alcohol whilst the others are eating just a cheap main and drinking water, then the one person is pisstaking and expecting others to sub his/her excess.

It's not 7% though it's 14% - probably more as to an adult male that makes e difference. I'd be a trifle miffed that they don't see this.

Thanks for posting OP. Has reminded me when I go on holiday next week (all widowed parents) that I need to make sure to pay extrA as I have two kids and they all have one. Because unlike your friends, I'm not a free loader.

Sorry slipped into pirate there with e difference, the difference

YANBU. You should point out they have 2 adults and it's just you so of course you shouldn't be paying half. Pisstakers.

Exactly what Arkestra said. I'd count each child as half an adult because they're not eating as much, no alcohol etc. So the split should be 40:60. Just mention it to them and apologise for not bringing it up before the holiday but that you had only budgeted £XX amount for food and you were worried about overstretching yourself by splitting everything equally.

How old are kids OP ?

I'd be relaxed about it as food in the house and split the shopping/cooking. But when eating out I'd not want to pay the other adult's share. Illogical, but there you go. I think it's unreasonable of them not to have offered to pay more.

As said previously I was hoping they may have offered to pay a little more as I am a single parent and earning less. Unfortunately it does seem to be those that benefit are less inclined to think about fairer splits.

I have found that to be true, too. Probably why such families have more money to do other things with, too, as they rely on others subsidising their lifestyles to a certain degree.

Be up front. They earn more than you, their kids are older, he presumably eats more than you and your female friend, and you're sorry, but you can't afford to subsidise their holiday any more than you already are by splitting the cost of the rental home with them so they didn't have to get one by themselves.

BE firm.