Holiday etiquette

[MINKY75]

AIBU? Come away with friends, them two adults two kids, just me and my two kids. We're SC so I'd assumed we'd come up with a fair way to share food bill. First shop they seemed surprised when I suggested paying a little less. Next shop I was again asked to pay half and again pointed out that I wasn't eating and drinking as much as their family. Would you keep quiet and pay half for the sake of a quiet life/harmony?

Some people have no shame - clearly they're happy for you to subsidize their holiday. Which is mean.

Why should you subsidise the other adult?

Yes it is a shame they are assuming this is ok with you and YANBU. Can you not just order separately to your friends and ask restaurants to split the bill? Paying for an extra adults food and drink, especially drink, will put the bill up. It is obviously annoying you as you have calculated the extra you have paid so maybe put your foot down and pay separately from now on. In a supermarket it is slightly different unless the other couple are putting loads of alcohol in there but the fairest way is for them to pay around 65% and you to pay 45%.

depends
if you are talking about a fifty quid shop for bread, milk, cheese, ham and chicken nuggets i wouldnt quibble.
if it were 150 quid and included stuff only adults would have ( booze mainly) i would pipe up.

My DH eats like a pig especially when on holiday. He is also the one most likely to order the most expensive thing on the menu if we eat out. No way would I be expecting someone else to subsidise him, nor would he want them to lest he feel the need to exercise some self control. He would rather subsidise everyone else so they can join in without sucking their teeth at him. YANBU

I think it depends on your circumstances. If you’re on a tight budget then I think it’s ok to say ‘In principle I’d love to pay half but my funds are so tight I’d be grateful just to pay for what we eat’.

Tbh if you were in that situation with me I’d have offered to do that at the start. If you asked I’d be happy to do that.

Otoh if you’re fine for money and just being a bit tight, I wouldn’t personally make a thing of it. Rooting through bills and splitting watermelon is such a nightmare.

I don't drink alcohol and I don't eat meat. I'm a single parent of two and there's no way I would subsidising a couple and two older children. It's actually quite a big difference if worked out properly. Fortunately the people I know are thoughtful and don't make it awkward for me but not considering my situation and expecting to pay over the odds.

I don't think it's fair on you to subsidise them.

Little late for this trip, but for next time you guys should get the Splitwise app. Everyone just adds what they've spent for the group and selects who to split it with. Then you settle up at the end of the trip. It's saved my group so much time and energy in deciding who owes what!

but the fairest way is for them to pay around 65% and you to pay 45%

That adds up to 110%!

But mathematically, the per person split is 43%/57%, so at 50/50 OP is on average paying 7% over the odds. But, of course, splits are not an exact science unless you count out every croissant, every drink etc, in which case you are better each paying for your own.

And, bear in mind that abroad, alcohol (especially beer/wine) is often cheaper than branded soft drinks, so the whole adults=alcohol=more expensive that is true in the UK doesn't necessarily apply here.

Please learn this valuable lesson: holiday on your own from now on. Much more straightforward. YANBU.

I just wouldn't pay the bills altogether anymore in restaurants, have the bill split so you are paying for your own. In terms of groceries, I would just split it half and half to be honest. Unless it includes alcohol, then it needs to be split fairly. I am amazed though that you have managed to spend so much on a self catering holiday, isn't the whole point to save money? 1k on food is crazy, unless you have been away for a month?

In restaurants we normally do half per family and the larger family (!by one child) pays the tip.

In shops the larger family usually just gets one shop more - we tend to alternate paying at the shops rather than splitting every time.

As said previously I was hoping they may have offered to pay a little more as I am a single parent and earning less. Unfortunately it does seem to be those that benefit are less inclined to think about fairer splits.

I've been the one in charge of splitting the bill for lots of group holidays. Lots of adults, lots of sub-teenage kids.

I count kids as one share, adults as two. Everyone seems happy with this.

In your case, there are 3 adults and 4 kids in your party, so that's 10 shares altogether, of which you pay 4.

So if I was organising the bill split, you'd pay 40%, they'd pay 60%.

Even on a per-head basis (one share each), you should only be paying 3 out of 7 shares, which is about 43%. But that ignores adults eating more than kids and drinking booze too, really you should be paying less than 43%.

At the end of the day, we're talking about 10% of the overall bill so only you know if it's something to be wound up about. But personally if I was on holiday with people who weren't up for a fair bill split, it would make me less eager to go on holiday with them in the future.

not sure I could be arsed - as although £80 is alot of money, they are obviously good friends and this is only going to end awkwardly. If you start quibbling it will end up with someone, (you) going through the bill and adding up exactly what each person has eaten and totting it up. Do you really want to do that?

OP - you went on holiday with them and paid half the accommodation, I can only assume that they thought the same laid back approach would be applied to the food etc. Sorry but it is a bit too late to say anything now; your last comment sounds chippy. Sorry but it does

To be honest 4 and 3 yes I would just pay half

If it was two kids and one kid, yes, because they eat less. But there's no reason why she should subsidize another couples food bill.

Best to buy all food separately..

I’d be bending over backwards to ensure it’s fairer. But that’s just me. I’d feel like turning round and saying seeing as you’ve subsidised her husband for the entire week, wouldn’t she say it was now time to share him in every way . When she says no, tell her that’s how you feel about your money. You’re a single parent fgs. How rude!

Id split alcohol costs three ways and you pay a third and then divide the food 7 ways and you pay 3/7.

Holidaying with others is a real eye opener ime.
Camping abroad with another family, similar aged dc.
My turn first to cook for all. 4 adults + 11 dc. Was amazing if I must say.
Their turn - apparently the shop was shut - no reschedule.
Lots of other stuff including discussion to go to Forteventura the next day.
Got up early and they had already gone.
Vowed never again.
Lesson learned op.

Cheeky! If the 3 of you went out for an adults only meal, would they expect you to pay half?
Don't let them make you feel you are being petty when they are the ones getting free food all the time! I hope there's no alcohol involved in this 50/50 split.

When we go on hols with my brother family then we say family 1 and family 2 and get seperate bills when eating out as my brothers got an adult kid and teenager and a kid that eats alot. They often have three courses and we have two little kids who eat hardly anything and a teenager and we usually only have one course and the kids will have a meal and pudding. They still bring all food out as if it's one order.

If you aren't either by nature or circumstance able to be relaxed about a 7 % difference is is probably best to highlight this at the start of the holiday. Having said that your friends should offer to chuck in an extra bottle of wine or something every now and again to even it up. I do think that shared holidays work best with a more relaxed attitude alongside all sides trying to be fair, there are often going to be differences.

If you don't both have similar incomes and circumstances then someone always gets shafted. This is why we holiday on our own or go AI.

How do you get a 7% difference?
middleagedalready